Game for Girls

While browsing around, I found an interesting hub on the type of men a woman attracts when she’s wearing her hair in its natural texture.  Apparently men do recognize the difference between healthy natural hair and mediocre processed hair.

According to the writer and commenters, going natural makes you more attractive to older men and men of a wider variety of ethnicities.  It doesn’t however, make you more attractive to the masses in an obviously sexual way.  So those who need to maintain a certain image for the sake of modelling or public relations should tread carefully before doing a Tymoshenko.  Take care that like her, your style is symbolic and iconic.

Considering the damage done to one’s scalp, skin, and immune system by the use of relaxers and other chemicals associated with superficial beauty maintenance, I can understand very well why natural is better to men with finer tastes.  If you’re not ready to go there though, you may want to just consider less harmful means of getting the job done.

A good hairweave or braid fusion allows you to preserve your natural hair while having a straight or wavy look.  It’s ornamentation, rather than chemical alteration.  Though it is technically fake, and will put off the few guys who are repelled by fake women, it’s less harmful.  You won’t lose your fresh glow or ruin your kidneys from it any more than you would from a wig.

Recent comments have reminded me that I never did actually define game for girls or “girl game”.  I’ll give it a shot.  Mind you, it’s a work in progress.  Some of this comes from thoughts provoked by Obsidian.  Comments are welcome.

Girl Game Is…

…a strategy for securing the sort of mate and/or sexual experiences one desires.

In order to do this one must:

1.  Be aware of the mate and sexual market (which are not the same for non sex workers anymore), and one’s place in it.

This is difficult these days because most of us have an unreal view of our worth, so we’re going to have trouble placing ourselves in the social hierarchy.  Most people allow others to place them, which isn’t such a bad thing for the majority in a functional society because empathy is necessary for human relationships.  When the society becomes dysfunctional and unreal though, one has to become a social outlier in order to be functionally “normal”.

2.  As of the new millenium, one must understand how societal changes made in the past, affect one’s prospects today.

These changes include, but are not limited to:

Women becoming recognized as part of the workforce and citizenry.  We always were, just that after slavery was no longer a legal institution, women demanded that their role be upgraded along with their male counterparts who were once slaves or near slaves.  This, in part, led to the over romanticization of the working woman (outside the home or family sphere), to the point that it became an ideal.  Women in the west now generally strive to be good employees rather than a more realistic contractor or family based entrepreneur.  So it was good to be recognized as part of the workforce, but bad that for some reason this became held in higher value than being a mother who could work at or closer to home.

Equal right to education for women.  Again, good thing, but because of the above, instead of working as a programmer at home or part time as a nurse at the local clinic while the kids are in school making around a grand a month, we commute for an hour to make 3K a month, only to spend 2K of it on the expenses involved with working that far from home.  Smrt duh-hee?

Wider availability of birth control.  Another good thing that didn’t quite do what it should have.  Smart women use it, but throngs of stupid women are still churning out babies they’re incapable of raising well, and their stupid male counterparts unwilling to support.  So now we have an overabundance of excess people who can’t really function in relationships.  They’ve never seen a stable relationship, and are therefore very unlikely to have one.

Well, actually about that, we’re already entering the implosion phase.  Many men are beginning to opt out.  So I guess you can make casual sex trendy, but you can’t make people have it if they don’t want to.  It’s a cost vs. benefit thing.

Divorce and custody laws favoring the ex wife or girlfriend regardless of whether or not they’re the most fitting parent, or even mentally stable.  Gender shouldn’t even be a factor when talking about parental suitability, but it is.  For all the so-called equality, courts still treat mothers as if they’re by default, the better parent.  Sad.

3.  Accept these changes, and learn to successfully survive and thrive despite the majority.

One must turn the situation to their advantage.  It will take strength to do it, but Nature is on your side…and She always wins.

Well, that’s the basics.  Any thoughts?

While surfing around the blogosphere, I came across a couple of articles that made me laugh…well, chuckle anyway.  In Stuff Black People Don’t Like, our hair made the list.  In another, an Essence writer claims that Serena’s nude photo in ESPN magazine empowered her, and by golly it should empower you too.

Our Hair

Now, I’ll admit that many Black women change the texture of their hair in a conscious effort to look more White.  Some White women probably shave their legs in a conscious effort to look more Black.  However, the reason most people alter their appearance is to look more beautiful.  Whatever the going standard is in their area, that’s the one they’re going to adhere to, even if it means taking harmful or counterproductive measures.

If it was really a matter of  White makes right in western aesthetics, nobody would wax.  We’d all be running around gluing hair to our arms, legs, and butts (yes, you see some thangs when you venture across the ol’ Atlantic) to look more White.

It’s not about race.  It’s about femininity.  Whatever a culture values as feminine will be what they perceive as beautiful.  In the U.S. for most people, it happens to be straight, long, preferably blonde hair.  Plenty of people of European descent don’t have that, and go to the salon to create that look.  Black women do it for the same reasons.  It’s what’s in, so the most socially invested will invest the most in fitting the society’s standard.

It’s not rocket science.  In fact, it’s high school social studies.  It’s a shame that some people still don’t get it.  It disturbs me no less to see a White woman than a Black woman with cicatrical alopecia from abusing their hair to be more “beautiful” when it doesn’t even accomplish that.  “My hair looks like dry hay, but it’s straight and blonde, dangit!”

Empowered?  Really?

…and why oh why is this in their relationship advice category?

The whole article is basically a list of excuses which basically boiled down to White women (who are not professional athletes but actresses and models) did it pin-up style, and were “celebrated”.   Serena was just as “celebrated” as any other hoe.  Nobody is complaining because a Black woman got naked for the cover of a magazine.  People are complaining because she is a professional athlete with a big mammy grin in a pin up pose.

It’s about the context.  The context was dancing a jig, not Olympic nude.  To make my point, in this forum topic, a poster took the head off and put a bronzing filter to it.  Her facial expression was one of the main problems with the photo, aside of it being empty of anything but “ESPN” in the background.  She didn’t look very empowered to me.

Now this…this is empowering.

As I’ve said, there are always exceptions to the general rules.  In a very embarassing case, tennis star Serena Williams shows that female athletes can be indiscreet sluts too.

I linked to the photo mainly because I don’t personally have any problem with nudity.  We’re all born naked, and I think the world would be a better place if we all could walk around nude.  I’m aware however, that outside a nudist context, this is a bad idea and perceived as advertisement of sexual availability, when not in an artistic or incidental anthropological context.

So, when I read that Serena Williams did a nude, I was hoping and a little expecting something more…free.  I was hoping for something that looked more natural that perhaps highlighted her very well cared for physique.  What greeted my eyes instead was a pinup.  My first thought was, “Oh…well…Is she trying to be the female Dennis Rodman or something?”

Pinup is a context for theater and music entertainers.  That’s how they make their living.  An athlete may be as sexually free as they like, but there are lines one’s public face shouldn’t really cross.  When they do, it’s like taking a step down.

I wonder what Serena Williams is trying to say with her step down from tennis powerhouse to run of the mill attention hoe.  Is she saying that this is all she ever was…a hoe who just happened to be a talented tennis player?  Is she saying perhaps that despite being an extremely talented tennis star, people around her make her feel like just an everyday hoe?

I thought, for a moment, about how Americans have a tendency to reduce everyone’s worth to their looks or income.  Everybody, especially every Black woman from Michelle Obama down to a McDonald’s cashier, regardless of her character, is ripped to shreds even though her looks beyond grooming are irrelevant to her contribution to society.  The best wife and mother in the world is called things like “hideous” or “sexually worthless” by the peanut gallery.  The peanut gallery in the U.S. can be pretty sanctimonious and pushy about it.

I think about my own experiences with this: stupid things I did in response to being treated this way.  There are decisions I made because despite the reality, I legitimately believed that Americans had some kind of cultural retardation…that whatever powers that be in the media had successfully twisted American men to the point that they couldn’t see beauty, just conformity to the media template.

I did find out at some point that little other than testicular removal can accomplish this.  That was around the age of 17.  What if someone didn’t figure it out?

So when I look at the Serena Williams nude, I see a woman who’s trying to show us that she’s beautiful.  Thing is, we knew that already.  Even the shrill, culturally retarded idiots talking their trash know she’s beautiful.  That’s one reason they talk so much trash.

However, there’s no excuse for giving in to the peanut gallery in such a public way.  What’s done is done though.  Now, as a Black woman, I have to figure out how I’m going to handle the consequences.

In her insulated, secure, celebrity life, she doesn’t have to worry about what her looking like a slut before the world is going to do to regular Black women like me, for whom she becomes the excuse for men to treat us like sluts on the street.  She’s not going to get the catcalls, the groping, or the being viewed suspiciously by other men’s wives just for being polite.

She works out her body image issues in front of a camera, and I and women in my socioeconomic class pay the price.  I can’t even get up a sarcastic, “Thanks alot,” for this one.  All I can do is ask why.

Why Serena?  Why???

These days, those of us born after 1969, despite mostly having decent dads ourselves, have been programmed to panic when it comes to men.  The news is filled with horror stories about murderous ex husbands, molesters, rapists, and other bad guys.  To make things worse, the average guy has been stricken with such fear of his own capacity to violence that the protectiveness baby has been thrown out with the bathwater of overprotectiveness.  If one believed the hype then then definition of jerk would be male.

There are plenty of good guys out there though.  If there weren’t then humanity would have gone extinct.  Though there are female police, soldiers, firefighters and others doing the heavy work and weilding the violence necessary to maintain order on this planet, these are largely the domain of men.  Some man out there is the reason you don’t have to carry a gun to work unless you’re a cop or maybe convenience store cashier.

So here’s a list of features of a guy who is part of the solution.  You only need open your eyes.

How to Tell a Guy is NOT a Jerk

1.  He is well mannered and yet honest, regardless of how he’s dressed.

He could be covered in hot garbage, and will still thank the person who hands him a towel.  He’ll then listen for a your welcome to make sure the person he thanked heard his thanks.  He treats people with respect unless they earn his disrespect, and even in the throes of a bar fight, he doesn’t want to seriously maim anyone if he doesn’t have to.  He can fight dirty in self defense, but only if it’s self defense.

On the other hand, he is very well practiced in telling women no.  He’s heard his dad and maybe grandad do it many times, and knows how to say it effectively.

2.  Related to #1, he is respectful of and kind to old people, children, and other physically weak or disadvantaged.

Basically, he’s a protecter and defender of the weak.  He does not push people around just because he can.  He doesn’t pick on people for being what he views as ugly either.  What he says about the fat girl across the street is what he will think of you when you gain your menopause pounds.  A guy who can see the worth of an old woman, the beauty in a swollen handed pregnant lady, and the beautiful smile of the chubby lady behind the deli counter is a guy worth keeping.

3.  Generally, he dresses neatly and is well groomed.

Some good guys are not so great about taking care of themselves because they may be used to having someone else do that for them.  However, a good guy usually likes looking and smelling good.  He may have some edge, but those edges aren’t rough.  They’re crisp.

The only color of shoes for good guys is black.  White athletic shoes can be worn to and from the gym or specific hip hop events.  Brown shoes are hiking boots or so dark they’re almost black.

Good guys’ shirts cover their armpits and do not expose any of their stomach or back, even when bending over.

Good guys’ jeans are the same shade of blue or black all over unless they are real cowboys.

By the way, good guys who carry big things do not wear jeans.  It makes them look like they have a parasitic twin.

Good guys’ pants go all the way up to their waist.  No overhang of gut or invitation of butt.

Good guys do not have spikey hair, highlights, gold teeth, or wear sunglasses at night.  They also don’t wear a lot of bling because they’re not trying to catch a hoe.  Some may bling up their woman though, as a kind of territorial gesture.

4.  Good guys have excellent credit (because they’re honest).

They’re dependable and hard working, so even if they don’t have a high status job, credit companies love them.  Even if because they are Muslim or otherwise anti “Bablon”, they refuse to have credit cards, they will be getting offered them, and may have a couple of debit cards.

A good guy lives within or below his means except in three debt causing cases: student loan, car, and house payments.  If he does get into trouble in tough economic times, his credit with friends and family will tide him over when the bank won’t.  They know he’s either good for the money or he is worth the investment.

Given a choice though, a good guy would rather owe the bank.  He doesn’t like owing people money, and tries to avoid it.  Some even won’t take loans that require a co signer because they don’t want someone else to end up in a bind if they die or something else bad happens to them.

5.  Good guys are kind of suckers for love, but mind your manners young lady.

A good man will climb any mountain, and die for you if needed, even if he doesn’t love you for life.  He’ll do it because you’re a human being who needs him.  So if you push him too far, he will kick you to the curb because you mistook his kindness for having him wrapped around your finger.  If you’re a nurturing giver too, you’re fine though.  You can give your lives to and for each other.

6.  He goes to church (or temple or mosque or shrine or study group…).

There are exceptions, but most good men are at least somewhat religious.  They enjoy having a community around them because they’re community building kind of people.  Very independent thinkers who aren’t totally misanthropic can just be honorable without a spiritual community, but those are so few and far between, you may go your entire life without ever meeting one, much less one who’s available, within your age range, heterosexual, and compatible.

So it’s best not to bank on the exceptions.  A marriage/commitment minded guy has a God or at least an Anthropos figure (like Buddha) who embodies or is Love itself.  This is the scale by which he measures his own quality, so he shouldn’t have too much trouble with your Dad’s and other male relatives’ standards.

7.  A good man has duties and a mission.

He is doing something in life for someone other than himself.  Even if he is between jobs or isn’t technically working because he’s studying, he has a purpose in life, and is doing something about it.  He is no slacker.  He understands his role as a man, and exercises that role regardless of whether or not or how much he’s being paid for it at the time.

This mission will be there whether you stay or you go.  So respect it.

8.  A good man has good parents.

If the guy’s dad’s a cad, or his mom’s the dishonest sort of hoe there’s a good chance he will be too.  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in this.  Sidestory: as vengeance, I once successfully “eye-shagged” an ex boyfriend’s dad with him watching from another part of the pub because I knew it would teach him the correct lesson; that cads are as interchangeable as sluts.

Many men cheat, but some of them learn from the experience.  Some men actually leave good wives thinking they can do better though, only to find that hoes don’t make good housewives.  They don’t even make good girlfriends to guys who aren’t very rich.  So if a guy grew up with his dad disrespecting and under appreciating his mom, or worse if his mom is the hoe the guy married and then had a crappy life with, be careful.

If, on the other hand, the guy’s dad is faithful and there’s no divorce in sight, or they were together until death did them part, your potential has potential.  He knows what it takes to last, from first hand experience.  It’s no guarantee, but you can be sure his intentions are probably good.

9.  A good man wants you involved in his life.

He isn’t hiding you or hiding things from you.  He doesn’t really have anything to hide.

10.  Kids RESPECT a good man.

This isn’t quite the same as fear, but it’s closely related.  Kids are well behaved and cordial around this man.  They and younger men may call him Sir, and treat him like an authority figure, for better or worse.  He is the spoiler of fun, but he is the guy lost kids will go to when they can’t find someone in a uniform to help them.  People trust him because he oozes trustworthiness and strength.

His legs are alternatives for trees, even if he’s kinda short, for little kids playing tag nearby.  He smiles at babies and their parents.  They smile back.  He’s actually seen Shrek and wonders whether the donkey marrying the dragon was an inappropriate reference.  If he voted for Obama, it was because Palin’s smarmy cheerleader speeches reminded him of “popular” girls he hated in high school, but were trying to get into his pants anyway because of his boyscout rebel paradox game.

In his own childhood, he was not in a hurry to lose his innocence, but had a crush on an older girl the “popular” guys shunned for being too self assured.

He tells young girls and boys to mind their manners and respect their elders within reason.  He however, kicked the guy who got grabby with his younger sister’s butt, or got his butt kicked trying.  Kids view him as a protector and role model.

I hope this list is useful in helping women to spot the good guys.  Again, things don’t always go perfectly these days, and some bad guys mimic good guys.  Still, I think this is a pretty good rundown.

With this or the prior post, if you have anything to add to the list, feel free.  Blessings in your quest, from the G4G team!

Almost every relationship site has a checklist for how to tell if someone is a slut or a jerk.  The G4G team thought it was time for some balance.  So this post, made of tips from old fashioned moms, dads, and guys who actually know how to pick ‘em, is on how to tell a woman is not a slut.  The next is going to be how to tell a guy is not a jerk.

How to Tell a Woman is NOT a Slut

1. She is modestly dressed, even in the peak of summer.

Modesty standards vary from culture to culture, and by situation, so you may have to play this one by ear.  However, the non slut will be modest relative to those around her and what is customary.  She’s obviously not trying to get male attention by advertising sexual availability through her clothing or lack thereof.

She’ll be the girl wearing loose fitting, draped garments in a hot climate, or the one wearing truly comfortable dancing clothes and shoes in the club.

2.  She behaves politely, but not capitulating.

She behaves civilly to everyone within reason.  She says please and thank you to people serving her.  She calls men and women much older than her Sir or Ma’am or her cultural equivalent.  However, stealing a line from Troy, she is well practiced in saying no to men.

3.  She is well groomed, but for real.

If she wears makeup at all, it is for work, special occasions, or to cover a scar.  She likes her face and skin to feel clean, and likes to smell good.  She has a mom who hounded her almost or perhaps beyond the point of dysfunctional harassment about hygiene and neatness.  As frumpy as she may appear compared to the painted women around her, she’s as comfortable to be close to as a teddy bear fresh out of the laundry.  Speaking of which…

4.  Hearts and teddy bears, unicorns and handicrafts.

She actually wears t-shirts she painted herself.  She knows what an applique is.  She wears hearts despite all the feminists saying not to because it scares guys (read alpha pseudo commitmentphobes and betas beating their heads against the Hollywood sign) away.  She weaves friendship bracelets for her friends, or if she’s more handy with tools, makes friendship pins, barettes, and necklaces.

By the way, you can open by asking about some bit of home made fluff she’s wearing.

5.  Her hands smell faintly of onions.

This woman cooks often enough that no matter how much she washes her hands, or what kind of hand lotion she wears, the smell of onions is locked into her pores.  The few days you catch her not smelling like onions, she smells like cinnamon, nutmeg, and/or allspice.

Because she cooks at least for herself, any fake nails will be press-on.  Her nails will also not all be an even length unless they’re all short.

6.  She is a real athlete.

Her idea of sports is more than aerobics or riding a bike that goes nowhere.  She may not be a pro, but she takes what she does seriously, even if it’s just her daily walk.  Not all non athletes are sluts of course.  Just that being an athlete reduces a woman’s chances of being a slut dramatically because, liberal as she may be politically or socially, she has body confidence.  She doesn’t need to be physically perfect to believe in herself as physically worthy of caring for.  Her idea of fitness doesn’t come from television.  It comes from the pavement, some weights, a racket, a bat, or sufficiently avoiding finding her back or face on a mat.

She knows enough of personal victory and has racked up enough success that she doesn’t need to screw random guys to bolster her ego.

7.  She talks about her dad/family in the first lengthy conversation.

By the time you’ve had a real talk with her, she’s told you about her parents in positive terms, and maybe about the time her brother read her diary.  She’ll tell you about how she was raised, and whether or not she adheres to that, and how closely.  Without necessarily saying so, she’s giving you fair warning that if you’re not commitment material, you’d best end the date and go your merry way, or things will get ugly.  If you’re not husband material, you do not fit into her life.  You don’t even fit her profile.  If you are looking for a wife, then this is good news for you.  From there, you can relax and focus on love and compatibility issues.  This is your cue to make a spark.

8.  She is escorted, especially after dark.

Women with honor usually come from families of men with honor.  When they’re away from their family, they often attract male friends who function as brothers (not emotional tampons).  When she goes out at night, it’s because one or more of them invited her, or volunteered to hang out with her and female friends.

For this reason, to catch a non slut, it’s best to work on your day game, because you won’t find many of them out partying unescorted or in a party of fewer than three female friends.  If you do figure out a guy with her is a platonic friend, you should be ready to pass his scrutiny perhaps before hers.  If you are, then it’s cool, but if he doesn’t like you, you’re done.  With a non slut, the male relatives and close friends are the scale you’re being measured against.

9.  She has an air of innocence.

It’s hard to define what this is, but you know it when you encounter it.  She is a sensitive person who believes in love and romance.  Though she is careful, she doesn’t want to believe that you mean her any harm.  This makes her very vulnerable to lying, predatory types.  Although “rescuing” isn’t what some may view as a healthy way of describing the act of taking her off the market, the cold truth is that this is what you’re doing.  You’re snatching her up before she gets rolled under the combine that is dating life in the west.  If you look deep down, emotionally this is basically what you’ll feel too.  “Us against the world.”

If you don’t feel protective/territorial about a woman, I don’t care how hippy you are.  You should worry.  Even submissives feel that way towards their Dommes.  If someone harms their woman, it would tear out their heart.  It’s part of what I like to call “primal monkey panic”: a somewhat irrational feeling of panic that you could lose a woman and worse that who you lose her to might harm her.

10.  Last but not least, she LOVES kids, and kids LOVE her.

Babies smile at her because she reminds them of their mom.  Old granny type women call them beautiful in the grocery store because she reminds them of themselves when they were young.  If a kid is lost or needs some help, they ask her because something about her just says “mommy”.  Her gynecologist dreams of the day he will be the catcher of her special offspring.

…and if for some reason she should have to scold someone else’s kids, they don’t talk back to her.

We hope this list is useful at least in clarifying some things.  Just remember, there are exceptions, and life didn’t always go perfectly for everyone in this age of casual sex and divorce culture.  Some people are doing the best with what information they have, but at the same time character and honor still is what it is.

Be also mindful that hoes mimic the traits of nurturing women when they’re looking for a retirement plan.  If you’ve fallen in love with someone, and her flavor is on the courtesan side, you have a decision to make whether you want to break up, be the pimp, or be the client.  Whatever you decide, it’s just good to know what you’re getting into.

This list should also be useful to players/PUA’s who are looking for ethical ways to get their casual sex desires fulfilled.  If a girl has many of the above behaviors or patterns, you may unintentionally break her heart by getting into a casual encounter or relationship.  If she’s not built for slutting around, you could be adding momentum to whatever downward spiral she’s on.  Since there are plenty of fish in the sea for you, it’s best to throw that one back.  It’s too young.

This is the thing about loving, nurturing women as opposed to the brutal sort: no matter how old the woman is, love is forever young.  This is why we miss people who loved us and who we loved when they die even of old age or a lengthy illness.  They might have been old as dirt, but their love always felt brand new.

So basically, a non slut always keeps her newness because she always keeps her potential to love.  The loss of it is the loss of her life, so she lives her life in a way that preserves it.

A.J. Travis, an exasperated Roissy commenter has set his hand to spelling out a straightforward and updated set of “rules” for the modern woman who isn’t a hoe.  He’s doing pretty good so far, but could use some feedback.  It’s always helpful for us advice dispensers to get alternate points of view, so please click here to read the Rules post and share your thoughts.  Please be gentle though, because he’s a good guy trying to do a good thing for good girls, not a cad just looking for the next shag.

One of the unfortunate consequences of the cougar trend is that now older women are treated like ugly girls.  Rather than being viewed as examples, elders, or even forbidden fruit or “rare burds” when we age well, guys in their 20’s now believe that most of us are desperate for their attention.

Aside of being inaccurate Hollywoodian hype, it leads to a delay in the transition during which we’re socially allowed to decisively reject them without being perceived as unduly bitchy.  We’re expected to be gentler with them than our mothers would have been with what they would perceive as perverts.  It’s now supposedly not deviant to “bang” older women for casual sex purposes, while hoping to someday catch the unicorn-I-mean 10 with a great personality.

Many of us have been there…over 35, and face to face with a 20-something kid with a boner in the grocery store, at a pub, or elsewhere minding our own business.  Then figuring out at some point during the conversation that we’re being flirted with, or worse, insulted because we’ve inadvertently said something that the guy received as some kind of sexual rejection.

A few of us even still get cat calls on the street, felt up “accidentally”, approached explicitly or experience other things that are supposed to stop happening when you’re showing clear signs of aging.  You might think the world has gone mad, and it has.  Now I’ll tell you how not to go mad along with it.

First off, you have to not believe the hype yourself.  Although there are some successful older woman/younger man age gap relationships, this is extremely exceptional.  It’s unusual for a guy to be legitimately interested in a long term relationship with a woman merely a year or two older than him.  More than 5 years older is very rare.  More than 10 years, and it’s bordering on mommy issues territory.  It’s so unusual that at least once you’re over 30, you should not be considering anyone younger than you at all, under normal circumstances.

If you encounter a guy who prefers older women, be as careful as you’d figure an overweight woman would need to be of guys who prefer fat women.  Liking a certain type of women for sex doesn’t mean the same thing as being able to love that type of woman.  Sometimes, just as with blonde bombshell types, that’s the kind of woman a guy likes to shag, but he’s probably not going to try to marry one.  So when a guy says he likes older women, the question should be what he likes them for.  Most of the time, it’s just going to be for sex, especially if his reasoning revolves around our being more “experienced”.

…which brings us to another good reason to avoid younger men.  Men don’t think of sexual “experience” as a good thing.  In Manian, “experienced” means what “slut” means in Womanian.  So when a guy says he likes you or older women in general for that, it means that you’re a more fun pump and dump candidate.

For this, as I’ve said in earlier posts, most guys who are into casual sex, prefer to use women they consider below their marriage standards.  They like girls they consider either ugly or used up, or otherwise defective, because then they don’t feel bad about treating them like dirt.  Of course, they’re not going to tell you this up front, but they will give many backhanded compliments that will give away their true intentions.

On the flipside, there are those who are not crazy, but understand the world has gone crazy around them, who do not like older women for anything…not sex, and not romance.  They feel pressure from other guys for not taking advantage of older women.  The small minority of skanky old hoes who enjoy the cougar trend make the rest of us look bad with their “pawing” younger men.  There is very little in this world that a man hates more than a woman he finds repulsive, trying to seduce him.

So the reasons for shutting down whipper snappers are not all negative.  Sometimes you need to inform the youngster that you are an older woman, not an ugly girl.  You should not be being viewed as either a sexual target or a sexual predator.  That’s just not how you roll.  Now, for the tips…

1. Dress your age in mixed age public settings.

Over 30, a woman is supposed to dress more modestly.  Some say, “If you got it, flaunt it!” but this should be reserved for 30+ clubs and social gatherings, and on your way to and from these events with your man.  No man under 30 should see so much as the apex of your cleavage or your knees.  Elbows should even be covered during daylight savings, if you can manage it.

In other words, if you’re trying to look attractive, dress to attract guys who are older than you, not guys who are younger than you.  The idea is to present an image that indicates that you are not available to younger men, and don’t even want them staring at your boobage.  This way, they have no visual excuse to class you as an old slut in their minds, even if you are to guys over 40.

2.  Assume authoritive body language around younger men.

Imagine you are an English nanny.  Stand that way, and use that kind of “safe distance” personal space protection around them.  Do not allow younger strangers to invade your personal space.  Accept politeness and chivalry, but no touching that is not assistive.

3.  When being friendly, speak to them as if they were your nephew.  When being unfriendly, scold them as if they were a bratty child.

This keeps the age lines clear.  You are not a kid like them.  You’re older, and nowhere in their sexual or romantic radar.  In the case of the exploitive younger man, this will annoy the crap out of them.  In the case of the sane younger man, this will comfort him more than you may know at the time.

4.  If by some miracle of cosmetics or glorious perversion, you end up dating a younger man who really likes you, do not “ask me how” around your friends.

You’re a rare exception.  Enjoy it, and don’t take it for granted…and please please don’t run around telling your similarly aged friends that they should try it.  You’re telling them basically to bank on exceptions, which is very unwise.  Treat your relationship like the anomaly that it is, and maybe get some support from other people in a similar situation.

Age gap relationships between older women and younger men come with problems that older men/younger women relationships don’t.  Your sex drive is going to lower long before his does.  Your looks are going to decline right along with your estrogen.  You will need to make decisions about your health that may affect your relationship.  If you make the wrong ones, he could be looking at having to care for a sick wife sooner than he would if you were around the same age.

Even if it lasts forever, there are things women are often prepared for since the 20’s that men don’t generally think about because they usually marry women younger than themselves.

Seriously, how many guys under 30 do you know could love a woman with no hair and one breast?

Whenever a younger guy flirts with you or tries to diss you like you’re an ugly girl, think about that.  He’s a silly, stupid little whipper snapper needing reminding that this is the planet earth, and that none of us is immortal.  So when looking at you, especially if you’re taking good care of yourself, he’s looking at survival success, not a pump and dump or someone to put down with his high school level foolishness.

Shut ‘em down.

Lots of great information is out there for women on how to avoid jerks and psycho men, but there’s very little for men on how to avoid psycho women.  What there is, is usually glossed over, and way too much is blamed on women’s hormones.  Being on one’s period or having post partum depression might make someone a little edgy and unpleasant, but with very few exceptions, it takes real mental illness or cold bloodedness to make a mom kill her kids.  As with the male variety of nutbars, in most cases, there was plenty of warning these women were off their rocker or capable of severe crimes against defenseless victims.

About 200 women kill their children in the U.S. every year.  Vastly more others criminally abuse or neglect their children.  Sometimes the male partner is complicit, but often he isn’t, and it comes as a suprise.  This is because men are simply not informed of the dangers or how to spot them at the dating stage.  Men need to know the warning signs that are particular to female abusers.

Here are some risk factors that alone, may not mean much, but if there are too many, be very careful.

1.  She is dependent on any legal or illegal mood altering drugs.

Whether it’s Prozac, alcohol, or meth amphetamine, dependency on a drug means withdrawal symptoms when she doesn’t get them.  The drugs’ mood altering effects are different for every person, and where a bit of vodka may be just what one stressed out mom needs on the weekend, it could lead another to a binge session that could end up with your kid being shaken to death.

If you find out your girlfriend is on antidepressants, find out what and why.  Find out as much as you can about the drugs she’s on.  If you met her drunk at a club, find out how often she gets drunk, and what kind of drinker she is.  If she smokes grass, find out if it makes her apathetic and neglectful of herself and her house.  Don’t be afraid of being perceived as judgemental.  If she gets angry and leaves you for showing concern about the mental state of the possible future mother of your kids, then good riddance.

2.  She is religious to the point of  being obsessed with hell, or does not feel sadness for children who are killed.

Most people of Judaic origined faiths, and some of African religions believe in a hell.  Different sects and individuals have different beliefs about what hell is, and how someone can go there.  Most however, believe that children and those who don’t know how to lead whatever they view as a righteous life, are exempt from eternal damnation.  If your girlfriend makes comments, when children are killed in wars or by terrorists, that this is okay because they’re in a better place, watch out.  A woman should feel such things are a tragedy, regardless of where the kids go after death.

3.  She has strong feelings of insecurity and powerlessness.

I’m not talking “does this dress make me look fat”.  I’m talking external locus of control where she feels like she has no control over anything that happens to her or anything she does.  Something or someone else is always to blame for her problems, and she believes the world is against her.

4.  She is controlling, domineering, and abusive towards others who have done nothing wrong to her, especially you.

If she abuses you physically or emotionally, there is a good chance that she will abuse your kids.

5.  She constantly compares herself to, and competes with others about ridiculous things, then punishes herself or others for not conforming or being better than others.

She doesn’t feel that she measures up, and you don’t measure up, so what’s going to happen when the kids don’t?  She’s going to punish them.

6.  She has a history of bullying classmates, coworkers, parents, siblings, or people in her care.

If you catch her disrespecting others, then when you or your kids displease her, it’ll be your and their turn.

7.  She breaks things that are precious to you when she’s angry.

This is abuse by proxy.  It is a warning sign that when she has a problem with you, she will break your most precious “things”: your kids.

8.  She attempts to isolate you.

Even if your relationship with some relative or friend is pretty rocky, someone who may someday become a part of your family wants peace with them.  If they discourage you from trying to patch things up or at least have peace, be careful.  If they never have anything good to say about your peeps and try to keep you away from them, be very very careful.

These are just some of the things to be wary of in potential girlfriends.  When you meet a girl, try to look at her from a child’s point of view.  She may seem harmless to you because you’re a grown man, but imagine you’re a tiny 2 year old boy who just accidentally pooped on the carpet because you were enjoying a commando moment.

…and if you’re not sure what her reaction would be, wear a condom.

When I saw the original on SNL, I laughed my butt off. Seeing a couple of guys do a lip sync remake of it made me laugh even more, although it would have been nice to also have some older ladies playing the moms. Ah well. Enjoy!

Now, before anyone gets on my case about this, I don’t have a problem with appropriately waged age gap relationships. I just have issues with the “cougar” trend that leads older women to think it’s okay to lose your dignity, and younger men to think we’re all desperate or even sexually available to them. The exceptions don’t change the general rule, that age gap relationships are not something anyone who isn’t an extremely independent thinker should do. Quite simply, if you don’t have the gutts to go through with it, just don’t go there. Nobody is going to reward you socially for it, so you need to be butch enough to deal with that.