Why he’s really not that into you.
It’s truth time, girls. Later, I’ll get into the specifics on types of men, and what they really want but don’t always seem to be able to articulate. For now, though, I’ll focus on a “beta male” concern, and that is social status.
East of the Atlantic, social status is determined by a few different factors that have their roots in older cultures and lifestyles. Income is one, and level of education is another, but more important than these are things like one’s family name, ethnicity, and connections. In some parts of eastern Europe for instance, it doesn’t matter how much money a Gypsy has, they are still marked as inferior or lower class, the same way a wealthy Black person would have been perceived in the U.S. pre-1965 or so.
In some parts of the middle east, a Jew, no matter how wealthy, would be regarded with hatred and suspicion by others. In fact, being wealthier and more civil may make them an even more attractive target for discrimination or violent attacks.
In the U.S. however, though there is a racial/ethnic component to status, for men it is generally determined by wealth, and for women by beauty, or what is most promoted as beauty by the mass media. A media-beautiful woman from a dirt poor family may find herself the wife of a wealthy man, so long as she doesn’t reduce her perceived value or have it reduced in other ways. Though the beauty of the lower economic classes is often exploited (as rich girls are seldom successfully recruited into prostitution or porn), it can buy one opportunities. By the same, a rich man’s money will buy him time with beautiful women, regardless of how hideous, unintelligent, and rude he may be.
One of the objectives of feminism was to shake up this seemingly unfair situation, and put women on equal footing with men. However, one thing that no social movement can do, partly for the reason that it is a social movement, is change what a human being is. Humans are mostly very tribal at best, and extremely herd like at worst. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Though there is much admiration for individualism these days, the truth is that the individualist lifestyle is very lonely. If you go against the grain, you will become an outsider, and you will not have the opportunities afforded to people who conform.
Martin Luther King, Che Guevarra, Malcolm X, and Itzhak Rabin were all great people, but they were murdered. You may not be killed for not being media pretty, but you will certainly be shut out of certain venues, and you will not be as sought after as someone who more closely conforms to the ideals of the herd.
So if your aim is to get ahold of a “nice guy” who wants to get married and have kids, and has a good job, etc. then you would do best to enhance your mass appeal. Conforming as close as you possibly can to the ideal standard of the dominant culture in your area will increase your chances of finding and securing a mate who will commit to you.
Not only that, but you must do what you can to maintain that level of closeness to the ideal throughout your relationship. For the incredibly
low standards of the U.S. this is fairly easy in that you just have to stay slim to be considered “hot”. Most people, barring severe defects are already fairly symmetrical.
Since it is impossible to stay under 25 years old and yet survive more than 25 years, it is also wise for every woman to have a backup plan.
Do not, under any circumstances, depend on a man for your financial future unless he is a very independent thinker. Men who are faithful to
their wives and happy in their marriages are very rare, and usually the sort who are able to resist everyday social pressures to be unfaithful.
For the most part, young women should be prepared before their marriages, for those marriages to end at about the time she “hits the wall” and is no longer physically able to conform to the media ideal standard as closely as she once did.
Understand that no matter what the guy himself looks like, or what his financial status, if he is among the majority of males, who is susceptible to the message that conformity to the narrow media standard is what gives a woman her value as a mate, he wants the media ideal. No use mincing words about it. Even if the guy is a -10, he wants a +10. Most will settle for what they can get, when they get tired of porn (which some never do) but if the average guy isn’t sure that you are his highest level option, then he will not be that into you.
Men in the U.S. herd want women that the other guys in the herd will praise him for, the same as men in other herds want women their mothers and ethnic peers will praise them for. That’s just how it is.
So when a guy tells you that he’s not ready for a serious relationship, what he really means is that he doesn’t think you’re worth having a serious relationship with. Don’t ask him why. The answer is obvious: you don’t seem like the best he thinks he can do. You may be the best he can do, especially if you have good traits other than your looks, but if he doesn’t see it that way then there’s no point to try to make him see it.
The better he looks and more money he makes, the more he will feel that he is entitled to as far as the looks of his partner. If you don’t measure up, and you know this in advance, and you don’t want to get stuck with the guys who are just settling for you, then you would do well to seek men who are not so “normal”. Again though, this life isn’t for everyone. I don’t recommend it unless you are very comfortable with saying NO a lot, and with being alone or keeping things light unless or until you encounter guys whose noses aren’t up Hollywood’s arse.
Either way, I respect you for your decision. I’m just putting the information out there because it’s hard to make a choice when you don’t know what the choices are.
Props to a guy by the handle of Thursday, who wrote the comment that inspired this article, on another blog that is unfortunately owned by a wannabe Alpha male PUA .
I’m still looking for an actual Alpha male blog, by the way. An older type who never had to lie to get laid, and has female commenters who like him would be nice.