Scoring Part 2: The Beta Male

HeartsTo score with the beta male (average Joe), you must be recognized as a woman he would want to commit to and at least make a real attempt to be monogamous to, unless you are swingers or free love hippies.

The way there is deceptively simple.  It does however, require an objective assessment of both his and your social status and sexual market value or SMV.  If your target is out of your league, then he is better kept at the platonic level no matter how much he tries to get into your pants.  More attractive guys consider themselves “slumming” or “dating down” when they pursue less attractive women sexually.

Don’t be fooled by how the guy looks.  It’s his social status and his perception of yours that matters.  His income and how established he is in the social circles of your area, with looks (mostly height) being the last priority matters for his social status.  So even if he looks like an ogre to you, if he has money, he believes he deserves >7 or so on the media beauty scale for women.  What this means exactly is that if you are fat or deviate from the Barbie doll ideal in any crucial way, it doesn’t matter if he nails you to the wall behind closed doors.  He won’t want to be seen with you, so you have no long term potential unless you make yourself indispensable to him.  The only way you’re going to do that is as a friend, but even then, he’ll probably be 50 years old before he understands your value as a real partner.

So it’s best to utilize the guy who’s out of your league as a social ladder of sorts.  Hanging out with him will help to maximize the impact that your beauty, how ever great or small it may be, makes on observers.  A strong and well regarded male friend is also protective, and filters out men who want to pursue you just for sex.  When the two of you are seen together as friends, other guys around will be more careful how they treat you.  Also remember one very important thing: men know men better than any woman ever could.  If your male friend tells you that a guy is bad news, then 999 times out of 1000, he is absolutely correct.

This is one reason that it is not just morally wrong to use a platonic male friend as an emotional tampon, or a doer of favors, it is also stupid.  If you keep him around just because he wants to shag you, as some kind
of free work slave or something, you’re wasting his potential.
  Men can be very loyal friends in so many other ways, if you don’t sexually
manipulate them, and keep it clear that your only interest in them is friendship.  It should not be a consolation prize.  Only do this if you see value in him as a person.  This is one reason that a guy who you *would* do, if you weren’t sure it would end badly, can be the best friend you have.  Besides, you help each other score.

Women see you with him, and decide they have a good chance, and he must
be worth being around since you’re there.  This is called preselection.
It also works in your favor too.  Men see him with you, and automatically
assess your looks.  It might not make you appear to be prettier, but it will get your looks some extra attention.  Also, being seen with a higher status man warns the lechers away. A man being in a visible position of protecting your honor makes it clear that you have some.

If your target is less attractive than you, then you could be in luck if the difference is substantial enough.  The reason for this is because betas are always aiming upwards.  In practical terms, if you are slim and have medium to large breasts, and a fairly symmetrical face and good teeth, that is good enough for most middle income guys. It’s not until higher income levels that guys usually start to get pickier about real beauty, but this is always in addition to the basic slim, not-too-muscular template.

Wear a little, but not too much makeup, in colors that compliment your
skin tone and your clothing.  In lipstick though, the only color is
  It’s worth the time to find the right red.  You’ll need three.  A milder red for normal days, a hotter red for days you’re trying to pull, and a rich but not gaudy red for night.  For more suggestions, read Anton LaVey’s Satanic Witch.  Though many of the tips are a bit dated, many still work just as well today.

If you’re not sure whether to be nice or a bit bitchy, err on the side of bitchy.  Men complain about women bitchier than they feel she is entitled to, but in reality they like this.  It doesn’t matter if you treat them like the dirt on your shoe so long as you’re prettier than their self assessed status is perceived to be automatically worthy of, and paying attention to them.  You don’t want to curse like a sailor and be ill mannered…just bitchy in the way that you’re waiting for him to prove himself to you before you give him more affection.  Get him used to a reward/punishment system because this is how he lives in every other aspect of his life.  His boss doesn’t pay him for not working, and he prides himself in being a productive citizen who pays his dues.  Make him pay his dues in effort and attention for you.

If you outrank a beta in social status, he will work hard to please you, and if he doesn’t have to work hard to please you, he won’t appreciate
  You’ll seem too easy.  It may seem harsh, but you’re actually doing a good thing for him.  You’re allowing him to compete for your attention, and allowing him to be the man in the relationship.

The man needs to define the relationship.  If you take it for granted that he’s going to be your boyfriend or going to commit to you, you’re putting the cart before the horse.  Don’t give up anything, including sex, until he has truly won you.

If he gives up, then he was only in it for the shag anyway.  A man in love, or who thinks he’s in love, doesn’t give up.  Betas especially don’t let go of the opportunity to get hold of someone who will validate or increase their status.

You’ve been told that the way to get a man to love you is by being
kind to him, but this is dead wrong.
  You get him to love you by showing him that you can be kind.  It’s in the realm of possibility for you to be kind, but he has to earn that.

What you must remember though, is that you have to be a lady to command real respect from a beta…a bitchy lady, who he can’t get close to without working at it, but a lady nonetheless.  So if you don’t know how to use a fork, chew with your mouth closed, or dress properly, learn immediately.  Find a lady or even better, a Gay man to teach you manners.  Gay men have the best of both worlds in that they can be feminine, but they know what a man is looking at, and likes to see.

If you have any pants that don’t go all the way up to your waist, throw them away or wear longer shirts.  Ladies never wear such things, and never have.  A little cleavage is okay, but only a little.  Your clothing can be fun, but it must be modest.  You will turn more of the right heads by dressing well than by dressing in a whore costume.

Basically, if you want a gentleman, you must behave like a lady.

Now, men often think they are very slick, especially betas.  They are the majority of men in the world, and because they’re men, value some degree of individualism even though they are unable to live that way. Almost every one of them thinks they are smarter than any woman. So they will try to fool you into thinking you mean more to them than you really do, in order to get into your pants.  It is a form of sexual manipulation even though they don’t see it as such.  They don’t understand that it’s much more difficult for a wifely type of woman to resist temptation than it is for a whore.  Wifely type women are actually turned on by their partner.

So before you give in, make sure you’ve scored before he does.  Here’s a handy checklist.  When you’ve done all these things, then he takes you seriously.

1.  You’ve been presented to his friends/social group as his girlfriend.

2.  You’ve been presented to his parents or parental figures or whoever his emotional authority figure is, as his girlfriend.  There is no substitution for this because a beta male by definition, may have some rebel qualities, but is too status conscious (read chickenshit) to deviate too far from the norm.  There is no such thing as a beta male being committed to you but keeping you away from his family to protect you from harm.  If you haven’t met mom, the most you can ever be to him is his mistress on the side, but not really a close one.  Betas in cultures with a monogamous ideal do not know how to properly wage an affair.  He may love you, but you will never be a legitimate partner to him.

3.  He allocates a reasonable portion of his income to things for the relationship.  It could be buying you little tokens or gifts, or putting money aside because he anticipates engagement or cohabitation.  He likes to pay for things.

…and about income.  With the beta male, it is best not to lord your income over him in any way.  In some cases, this may mean living well below your means until you are close enough that he absolutely has to know your income.  Put the extra aside into savings, preferably under a trusted family member’s name, that you can get access to if you need.  Don’t lie though.  If he ever confronts you about it, tell him the truth: that you’ve put aside money in case of an emergency. Let him be the provider.

Just one thing ladies…If you try these tactics, and they work for you, please don’t use what you’ve learned here to harm any man if the relationship doesn’t turn out well.  If you catch someone this way, then don’t get comfortable and then stop touching him.  These tips are for women who want happiness, not some twisted form of slavery.

Once you get your beta provider man, keep yourself fit as much as possible,
and take care of him and yourself.  If he’s slipping, tell him respectfully but honestly.  If you need help doing what you need to do, speak up. Don’t let these things turn into resentment.

As on the job or in his social life, the beta male needs some direction and clear rules and expectations, he needs these in the home as well. If you find yourself nagging about something, make a sign or a list and tape it to the wall or refrigerator or something.

Remember how you got him.  This is how you’ll keep him.

About Mamasan

I'm a multifaith spiritual counselor with lots of experience assisting people with improving their relationships. Feel free to comment on the site or contact me if you have an issue you'd rather discuss privately.


  1. Thanks for the article its really enlightened me on how women think.

    I think I’m just going to get a mail-order bride from the Philippines and just avoid all the mind games. You’ve made me realise that I’m not going to find a kind and caring woman on this continent.

  2. Schrodinger, I don’t live in the U.S. Also, bear in mind that I am a writer and advice columnist, so it’s my job to spell things out in their rawest form. I do believe in romance, but I don’t believe that it’s a good idea to go into any venture blindly.

    Though I am in aggressive pursuit of truth, be aware that I am as unable as anyone else to give more than my perspective of it. The reader is invited to take what they can from it, and form their own truth, not to blindly follow anything.

    In that light, if you convince yourself that you will not find a kind, caring woman on your home continent, you will not. If you believe that you will find one elsewhere simply because they are from a different culture, be warned. You will still have whatever issues with your own sense of manhood and worthiness that you would have with a woman of your own culture. Certain functions of being a human being, and being a male gendered person are universal.

    As I know Phillipine women, they also would like a man to be strong, even if he is not so dominant in the social sense. He should be the king of his castle, even if she is the queen.

    I do however, think that mixing it up is a good idea if you feel you aren’t getting proper treatment in your own culture. Though I am not living in the U.S. I am from a western culture, and I have found that most very westernized men are simply unable to appreciate a woman like me. Some have, and some would, but they are very few and far between. What usually happens is that I end up getting treated like a lady, as my ladyhood is easily recognized, and ALOT of purely sexual attention, but beyond that most find me intimidating. It’s not just that I am an assertive woman. I’m also very physically strong, and the so called eagle eyes of men in the U.S. often class me as masculine even though I’m a short version of a “gentle giant”.

    So the cultures from which I find more candidates who are willing to commit, are those in which the males are generally physically stronger and more “macho” than in the U.S. It isn’t that American men are all weaklings or somehow unworthy, or that I am a monster and unworthy of them. It’s a simple matter of compatibility. People make it a moral issue, but it isn’t.

    So if you are a physically small but sturdy guy who is intensely passionate and manly, but just not walking around looking hostile always, then a classy Phillipine woman might be right up your alley. There are quite a few very sweet responsible ones working in my area.

    Avoid the bar scene and that sort of thing. Opt for a dating agency where you can go and meet the women while you’re there. Also, a good way to find the more independent sort who are working and don’t want to just find a “retirement” plan is to look for ads of Phillipine women who are working overseas already. If you’re interested in Thai women, this is a good thing too.

    Phillipine and Thai culture are both very interesting. So learn as much as you can about them, and try to find a wife the same way a Phillipine or Thai guy would, or like I said, go through a good dating agency.

  3. Doesn’t it bother you that the only men that want to be with you are the ones that aren’t smart enough to realise that you are manipulating them?

  4. Schrodinger, don’t take this so personally. The only guys I actually date are the ones I don’t have to manipulate. Others, I may flirt with, but it doesn’t go further than that. Once I see a man is that weak (which is relative, not a solid condemnation), I see them as prey, not a mate. I control those instincts in myself, so it doesn’t go any further than that.

    However, in observing others, I’ve seen that most men actually want to be manipulated. If a woman is smitten with them and falls into their arms on instinct or something, they don’t appreciate her even if the last time they had sex was years ago. A woman who doesn’t manipulate them is classed as a slut or a whore. If you don’t believe me, Google it. There are reams of text on the net about identifying sluts, and men expressing their contempt for women who have had sex with more than say, 3 men in their entire lives, or who have sex with them without a commitment.

    If you don’t condemn women for having sex with you before you’re married or at least engaged then my hat is off to you. You’re one of those rare individuals who may well be a diamond in the rough…an Alpha just waiting to find his niche or one of the rare women who also thinks independently. My gutt tells me though that the last woman you had sex with is probably somewhere wondering why you suddenly lost interest.

    Barring a slavery or other forced situation, sexuality is one of those things in which people get exactly what they deserve. The universe/nature brings you what you need, and doesn’t allow you to keep anything that you can’t handle.

    Personal responsibility is a hard pill to swallow. I understand that, and it was hard for me being in such a hostile dating environment. However, it is something we must do. You bear at least half of the responsibility for anything going wrong. Own up to that, and you’ll have an easier time because people who don’t qualify will simply fail to be able to get close to you.

    You don’t owe your penis to any woman as a sacrifice either. The veiled rejection you showed me proves that you do have some idea of what’s okay and not okay to get near you, even if your contempt is a bit misdirected. Channel that into actively repelling misandrist harpies, and attracting someone who will actually care for you. Trying to insult me isn’t going to help you find a woman.

  5. You are right when you say you get what you deserve. You label men as Being Alpha and Beta, and all these other strange acronyms so you can dehumanise them. I guess it hurts to be rejected by a real human, but doesn’t hurt so much is you can label that person as a “Weak Beta” or whatever.

    You put on a big act to impress men you label as Alphas. Those men in turn put on an act so that you will label them Alpha. I have my doubts you’ve ever been with anyone with any real confidence, only men that have such low self-esteem that they have to invent some personality based on the recommendations of some books.

    Your whole dating “game” is very immature. I guess I’m an omega male or something hahaha.

  6. Schrodinger, unlike most PUA’s, I don’t view Alpha and beta in terms of value, or even value to society. They are social hierarchical categories something on the level of “introvert” and “extrovert”. One is not better than the other, and being either does not make someone a better or worse person.

    That you got the impression that I am attempting to dehumanize rather than just generalize, is disturbing to me. It means that the misinformation about social hierarchy has been twisted beyond recognition so often that people have come to think of one or the other as superior, or either dismissing one’s personhood.

    So from now on, I’ll include the link to the Wikipedia definition, whenever I post or edit an entry. Hopefully this will lead to a bit less confusion.

    …and I agree that some aspects of the dating game are silly and immature. I don’t need to try to look like Halle Berry or dress like Lil’ Kim while delaying sex until the guy actually has to say “marry me” because I don’t date the kinds of guys who would enjoy that kind of company. Mind you, they may have been relatively few compared to most of my similarly aged peers, but to me, it’s worth it.

    When I’m advising others though, I have to consider what they want or need, and what they have to offer. I can’t assume that everyone is like me or has the same options that I do. That is a mistake many people make. In the counseling community we call that countertransferrence…basing one’s advice on one’s own needs rather than those of the person being advised.

    If a girl wants to fit in with the mainstream, she has to understand the silly, immature games people in it play, and master them. If she chooses not to, like I did, then she has to understand that it comes with a price. That is lack of mainstream acceptance. To me, it is worth it, but to others it is something that causes them great pain and frustration in life.

    People should go with the least harmful and most productive flow of their own nature. If one desires the approval of the herd then one should know well how to get it.

    What pain I have experienced in the past, well…show me someone who’s never hurt, and I’ll show you someone who’s never lived. I consider pain part of the price I pay for refusing to conform or to bend over for conformists. I have no regrets.

  7. So you’re saying “do as I do, not as I say?”

    How reliable is your advice when you are unable or unwilling to follow it yourself?

    You tell women they should manipulate men because you believe that is what men want. I’m a man and I’ve ended relationships because I was being manipulated.

    some men may tolerate your games, but none of them actually like it.

    The best advice would be for women to simply ask a man what he wants. If he wants something different from what you want, then maybe he’s not the right guy for you. Accept it an find someone more compatible. But maybe its too hard to write a lot of columns about that.

  8. Schrodinger, that would be “do as I say, not as I do”, but I get your point.

    I would advise someone with a broken leg to see a doctor. I don’t need to have a broken leg myself in order to understand that they need medical treatment.

    The same applies to this situation. If a woman behaves like me, she will get the kind of guy I like, not the kind of guy she likes. Not all women are after the same men.

    It may be uncomfortable for you to believe this, but some men do enjoy being manipulated. If one doesn’t behave like a status whore with such men, they will intepret this as her being worthless.

    I mean…do you ever really look at who actually gets into relationships these days? I have many male friends who have fallen for one trap or another with women far less ethical than I’m proposing my readers be. Even after finding these women to be total whores, sometimes literally, and being treated like crap, not only do they stay with them, but they either refuse to have affairs, or duck and dodge when they do. They’re afraid of hurting the woman’s feelings. It might make her enjoy herself less while she’s banging three of his best friends at the same time.

    …but all these women have something in common: they’re hot.

    See, when a whore gets to be about 25 or so, she is starting to be worn out or is already, so she starts looking for a stable guy as a retirement plan. She’s too old by then to get a rich guy to do her without a condom, so she finds some work-a-day schmuck with a steady paycheck, who’s ultra responsible and weak enough that she can convince him that something’s so horribly wrong with him that he doesn’t deserve sex from his wife.

    Whores don’t like sex. So it’s their dream to be able to have someone pay them and not have to screw for it. All it costs them is to get pregnant. Once the baby comes, she somehow magically loses her sex drive (which she really never had, at least not for good guys anyway).

    So dude, lighten up. I’m on your side. I’m trying to teach women how not to fall into the fantasy traps set up for them by Hollywood and idiots who follow them down the road of “thug love” and having sex with guys who don’t and won’t ever give a damn about them.

    This article is about how to be more attractive to a normal guy who isn’t trying to marry a whore on purpose.


    This is the 21st Century, okay? Women are supposed to be sexually free. What is up with all of this stuff about “needing men for love”? Uh… that’s what friends & family are for. Men are for sex, PERIOD. I don’t know about you, but my vagina actually works… and I actually get horny.. often. Using pussy as a reward system is a vile custom that cannot die soon enough. This type of mentality makes me sick. You are doing women a great disservice; you are attempting to take us back to the damned dark ages. Sex is NORMAL. Getting shagged RULES. Not all of us are a bunch of needy, emotionally clingy sticklers for romance, kids, a house in the country… and all of that rot.

    I don’t care about crap like social status, net worth, getting presents from dudes, having my “honor” defended or some pointless screed like that. What you are doing is highly damaging to women like me. You are reinforcing a tired, old stereotype that suggests that women don’t like sex (let’s face it, if you’re with some hot guy and you can hold out for weeks or months at a time, you’re probably frigid), Your stance is highly offensive to my raging hormones. I am a rebel and I don’t follow society’s worthless rules; I LOVE sex and I’m not going to play stupid-assed games with guys just so I can feel superior to somebody else. What the hell is the point of all that? Sounds like classism to me. Yeah…. thanks, but NO THANKS.

    This is probably the most horrible article I’ve ever read in my entire life. Depressing and disgusting, all at the same time.

  10. Well, congratulations for being a borderline twit who only uses men as dildoes on incubators. That doesn’t make you liberated…just callous.

    Many antisocial people believe that they are better than others for being more “free”.

    Some people actually give a damn about how what they’re doing affects others though.

    I like sex too, but I’m capable of masturbating if I don’t want to have another person involved. I don’t need to do the emotional equivalent of necrophilia, or risk my life just to get sex.

    IMO, your priorities are screwed.

  11. this article made me make a decision

    i wont date women anymore

    i am done with this bullshit if someone thinks manipulating me is legit becauwse they are too weak to be true to me and themselfes, then i am through

    the only thing women will get fron now on is a big D**Ӥ$$

  12. Just a guy, whenever you wear deodorant or comb your hair, you\’re manipulating people. The appearance you present isn\’t who you naturally are without grooming or adjustment, so you present a false picture of yourself.

    Manipulation isn\’t all bad, especially when it\’s to positive ends. So if you\’re going to be angry because a woman has to manipulate you to get you to treat her as valuable, stop treating women who don\’t manipulate you that way like crap.

  13. thanks for the information….so if I said, I think keeping a female as a gf or should I say a pet instead of a wife will ensure she will behave, simply because I can walk out any time, is right? or how about manipulating as many women I can for social status and access to more sex is something women find love?…

    so how would you like it if you were to be manipulated?

    I have never been threatened by women, and never will be, but I think your article is just stupid.

    • The truth hurts sometimes. If you\’re a status conscious man then you deserve and usually get status conscious women. Life owes none of us anything, and the sooner you learn that the better.

      Respect is something one must earn. If you\’re not conducting yourself like a high value person or an independent thinker, you\’re not going to be treated like either of those. People will see you kissing up to someone, and rightfully deduct that this is what you want from yourself, and that a compatible partner would be someone who supports that.

      If you disqualify the independent and \”ride or die\” women who would be there fore you whether you were broke or disabled or old or whatever, so long as you\’re strong and think for yourself, then you get what\’s left. Don\’t complain about it when you reject the loyal ones.

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