Surviving Men’s Shit Tests

TurkeyIn the PUA (pick-up artist) community, a shit test is defined as a method of filtering women use on the fly, through challenging, to sort potential mates from platonic friends (sometimes emotional tampons or gophers), from completely disgusting individuals we wouldn’t even wish on an enemy. The way it’s discussed, one would think that negs (negative comments made or behaviors done to put the woman on the defensive) are the domain of men, and shit tests are the domain of women. Things aren’t quite so neat though, especially for those of us who don’t conform or don’t measure up to the dominant standard wherever we are. Then too, there is the fact that many men are very feminine these days because they didn’t have a strong male role model. They may use feminine sorting methods because that’s all they’ve seen.

Unlike a “hot” chick, when we non conventional beauties meet an average beta, he’s often deciding whether or not tolerating our perceived ugliness is worth a “pump and dump”. If we’re in the range that he views us as among the best he can do, looks-wise, he might be checking us out to see if we’re relationship material. Beta males shit test for the same reasons we do. They don’t want to get saddled with what they view as a bad investment of time, energy, emotion, and resources. The problem is that just like most of us, they’re testing for the wrong thing in the wrong way. At the end of the day, a good many of them end up marrying real and obvious whores and abusers completely unawares.

An Alpha male on the other hand, is a bit of an enigma because he’s just in any sexual situation for either the status or the experience. He won’t generally settle for someone he as an individual perceives as ugly, unless he is in pursuit of status among the “normal” people, and she is the ticket. This does not mean that he will remain faithful to her though. Alphas have been known throughout history, to often have conventionally attractive wives, and interesting non conventionally beautiful mistresses. Sometimes that mistress is even male.

What makes an “ugly” woman worth sticking with, for the beta, is her relative beauty compared to his other options, and that she doesn’t challenge his sexuality in a way that he feels intimidated. For most, this means she should be younger than him, and a virgin or close when she meets him. Basically, you’re there to validate or enhance his status, make his babies, and be an outlet for his sex drive if possible, in that order of priority. The rest is optional to unnecessary in proportion to his income. He doesn’t need you to have home skills if you can afford maids, and doesn’t need you to be good in bed if you’re pretty. That’s an Alpha requirement.

…which brings us to our first beta male shit test: when he asks how many guys you’ve had sex with. Mind you, social Alphas may say or do some of these things too, but their agenda is just a bit different. What a beta male does unconsciously out of fear, an Alpha male does for a specific, conscious purpose. So they may be equally screwed up, but the exact risk from an Alpha type is less predictable.

Shit test #1: How many guys have you slept with?

A reasonably attractive woman who is 30 years old, who has been sexually active since the age of say, 17, could reasonably have sex with 2 men per year who were her actual boyfriend. That’s 26 men. Add the occasional vacation fling, and we could say at least 30.

…but beta males, relying heavily on statistics and averages, don’t want to hear that. Forget that most if not all of these studies rely on self reported data. It’s what they want to believe, despite the reality going on all around them. It leads to all sorts of unreal mythology like fat women not getting laid, and more attractive women being less slutty, and the like. Both are absolute bull.

Beta males especially cling to these shady stats to console themselves that less conventionally beautiful women have the same options and experience the same alone-ness that they do. Women allow them to believe this because we know it would hurt them to know the truth: that no feminine, clean woman is alone unless we choose to be.

So it leads to a dilemma about whether or not to tell the guy the truth when he asks a question that he seems to want the answer to, but doesn’t really want to know the answer to.

This question is basically meant to both gain information that will qualify or disqualify you as a partner, and put you on the defensive. The best answer to this question is to tell the truth if you’re under 20, and if you’re over 20 and not religious or reclusive, break up or silently downgrade his potential with you. It’s a catch 22 situation. If you’ve had too few partners, he will likely overestimate his value, and if you’ve had too many for his personal taste, he’ll class you as a slut, even if the last time you had sex was a year or more ago.

The only time you should actually answer that question is if you know you’re dealing with someone who actually gets off on knowing his woman was very sought after and sexually active, or maybe after your second child. If he asks before that, he’s prepared to get rid of you if he gets the “wrong” answer. A guy who is looking for reasons to dump you should be kicked to the curb with steel toe work boots.  If you don’t have the heart to do that, then at least don’t think of him as a potential committed partner.

Shit test #2: What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?

If this involves group sex with more than one male who you were committed to, ask yourself why your mind immediately jumped to that. If it involves particularly rough sex, or casual sex with someone you barely knew in a movie theater bathroom, ask yourself the same question. Is it because the sex was very kinky or because you feel morally challenged, and understand that this sort of thing is what will lead him to disqualify you?

Again, if a guy is looking for reasons to dump or downgrade you, beat him to the punch. Tell him that at that point you don’t trust him enough to tell him, that you feel he’s looking for reasons to get rid of you, and end it there. If enough women do that, he might take the lesson and just not get involved with women he feels are morally inferior to him in the first place. If he wants a religious woman or a virgin, he should actively seek that instead of expecting someone to have been saving it for Mr. Hypothetical all their adult lives. He’s welcome to have his double standards, but that doesn’t mean you have to cater to them.

Shit test #3: What are you looking for?

This one comes up a lot online, and sometimes during initial meetings. If a guy asks you this, he hopes your answer will be, “Just a one night stand or some casual fun if you’re good, but no commitment please.”

Guys who ask this question are Gay or Bi. No ifs ands or buts. It is not a question that a heterosexual man asks a woman. Period.

Shit test #4: Friends with benefits.

He’s not your friend. He just wants to shag you regularly while keeping his options open. You’ll do for now, but he thinks he can do better. If he doesn’t think you’re good enough, tell him to go find someone who is.

Shit test #5: It’s just sex.

There is no such thing as “just sex”. At its most casual, it is still a means of ego validation. Its natural purpose though is bonding and/or reproduction. The “just sex” designation before the sex happens is a shit test to see if you are in the habit of casual sex. If you fail this test, he’ll think of you as a slut. If you pass, he might move on to the next, but he will respect you more.

If it’s said after sex, and especially after a “friends with benefits” phase or undefined relationship, then it is the male version of the rapo game. Read Games People Play for details on that. Basically, it’s the same as a woman seducing a man, and then when he makes an advance, she turns around and accuses him of somehow violating her or wanting to. You probably shouldn’t have allowed yourself to touch him in the first place, but after the fact, the best recovery is to just stop having sex with him, and behave as if none of it ever happened. The only sign there should be that it did, is that you don’t ever do it again.

More shit tests to come…

About Mamasan

I'm a multifaith spiritual counselor with lots of experience assisting people with improving their relationships. Feel free to comment on the site or contact me if you have an issue you'd rather discuss privately.

28 Comments

  1. I laughed pretty hard at this article.

    Or you can ignore all this stuff in this article and be true to yourself. You start playing games with guys, and they’ll see you as nothing but a sex object. If you suspect that a guy is playing games with you, then respect yourself enough to walk away.

    It’s not rocket science.

  2. In what way is being aware of men’s shit tests not being true to one’s self? How is it playing games to not want to get lured into casual sex under false pretenses?

  3. Because you’re so full of shit. None of what you wrote was true in the slightest. For starters, you’re not ugly if you’re not a supermodel. The vast majority of women are attractive to men. Certainly, there are different levels of beauty, and that applies to both men and women.

    But the same rules apply to 10s who date 10s and 6s who date 6s. Ultimately, except for those who really don’t give a shit, people want to be loved for the person who they are. Both men and women are looking for the same damned thing out of relationships, and telling yourself differently is setting yourself up for failure.

    If you want to find a man who will love you and respect you, then be honest with him from the start. If you’re 30 years old and have had 30 partners, then tell him you’ve had 30 partners. If he’s a prude or an idiot, he’ll think you a slut and leave, but in that case… Why would you want him to stay?

    The questions aren’t shit tests, they’re ways to see if a woman is the right woman for you. If I’m heavily religious and don’t believe people should have sex before marriage, then I will be asking if you’ve had sex before, and if the number is high, I will (rightfully) conclude that you aren’t the woman for me. If you lie and give a small number, then all you’re doing is creating a relationship founded on lies, which is doomed to failure – aka divorce. And you wonder why the divorce rate is so high?

    Here’s the only tip women need to know: Be yourself and be honest (although don’t dump it all on him in one go.) If he’s the right man for you, then he will accept this, because it *is* what makes you the person you are. You *want* guys who won’t accept this to run away, because you won’t waste your time with a man who will never accept you.

    P.S. I loled really hard at #4. What you wrote is the definition of friends with benefits. Neither of you are interested in a relationship with the person, but they’re good enough to fuck. Everyone has physical needs (men and women) and this is a good way to get it out with a single person rather than random people (hence lower risk of disease.) Any person who agrees to a FWB relationship, wanting something more, and hoping it will develop into something more is an idiot, plain and simple.

  4. Caleb, this is a site for women who aren’t “hot” by the conventional western definition, so the advice is going to be geared for their benefit…not for the benefit of men who want to exploit their vulnerability.

    I’m not seeing where the conflict between us is. You basically said the same thing I did, just from the point of view of a guy who doesn’t want us to think shit testing from males is a “red light”. You yourself don’t seem to be very respectful or very loving, so I don’t know who you think you’re speaking for. You the asshole defending the nice guys or something?

  5. You said nothing like what I said. I said that if you want to find a man who loves you for you, then ANSWER HIS QUESTIONS HONESTLY. If he dumps you for them, so be it.

    Your advice is to dump him first if he dares to ask the question. I do not see how that is the same.

    FYI, I asked my wife how many guys she’d slept with on our third date. She asked me the same thing. Neither of us took offense, and neither of us lied. Your number does partially define you as a person. If it’s a small number for your age, then you’re going to be relatively inexperienced, and likely to be somewhat prudish. If it’s a large number for your age, then you’re going to be relatively experienced, and likely to be very open to sexual activities.

    Here’s the key: NEITHER of those is inherently bad. One guy will prefer one answer, another guy an entirely different one. Answer truthfully, and you will wind up with a man who likes you for you.

    You advocate lying, disseminating and playing games. I’m here to tell you this: If you want anything more than a fling, don’t do any of those.

    The advice you’re giving women is horrible, and any woman who takes it will regret it.

    • “Dump him first” is good advice (i’m attractive.really this advice applies to anyone outside “normal” range for their surrounding culture for WHATEVER reason). Any man who thinks the answers to #1 &#2 are important enough to ask and expect an answer as though it’s any of his business is 1.a jerk who doesn’t trust you to represent yourself as who you are to begin with and 2. is dumb enough to think he’ll get an accurate answer and not one designed to sway his judgment. 3. a judgmental 4. who needs to compare himself to others (women & their lovers, and other men and how many men THEIR women -he *supposes* they’ve had or “should” have had- in order to be the “right” woman) to deal with his own insecurity.

  6. Also: “Hot” by the western definition is not what the average guy considers attractive. It’s what the magazines push, and it’s a self-perpetuating view. Just because all the magazines seem to believe XXX = hot does not mean the average man believes this. For example, most guys I know do not like women with overly large breasts. If you read the magazines, you would not believe this.

    To put it another way: Unless you have some severe features which mar your appearance, some guys will not find you attractive, and others will. That is the beauty of having a diverse group of people, all with different criteria for what they consider attractive. What I find to be a turnoff, other guys find to be a turn-on.

    The biggest mistake you or any woman can make is to think of herself as ugly, simply because she does not look like a certain brand of woman. Confidence is the greatest factor in a person’s attractiveness. If you like yourself, other people will like you as well.

  7. Caleb, I’d like you to point out where in my article that I advised anyone to lie.

    It’s just that unless the guy takes the woman seriously, how many guys she’s slept with in the past isn’t really his business. If it does have the potential to be serious then he would need to know, but if we’re talking preliminary conversation, she already knows she’s dealing with a conservative guy for whom there is no right answer but 0. If her answer isn’t 0 then she knows she’s not suited for him without blabbering all her business to someone who’s basically a stranger.

    …and I hate to break this to you, but the idea that a physical flaw isn’t allowed to be a flaw anymore is straight up bullshit. This doubletalk is what makes many girls want to slash their wrists when they hear the verbal PC diarrhea spewing from people in purposeful denials’ lips.

    I’m not “voluptuous” damnit. I’m fat. Some guy trying to get into my pants is not going to help matters by being deceptive about it. It will be nice to find someone who will love me even though I’m fat, but to pretend that it is something that it isn’t is crazy making. I wish men wouldn’t do that. I’m not going to get an eating disorder because someone notices the belly. I see it every time I look in the mirror so it’s not news.

    Same goes for those who are disabled, or have facial defects, or other health or looks problems. We don’t need you to pretend we’re perfect…just if you like us, perfect for you.

    So what I’m trying to do here is help women regain their dignity. Discretion is important. Your business is your business and not his business unless he’s gunning to make it his business. A guy who’s planning on exploiting you anyway, does not need to know all your business.

    Also bear in mind that this is an article on a website. There are going to be broad generalizations made. I say time and time again that there are exceptions, but their existence does not change the general rule.

    In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a lot of casual sex being had these days, and not always under healthy and above board conditions. I’m here to clear away the hype and remind women that we are still female, and this is something that social trends won’t change. The trend now is to make women think it’s okay to date like men, but we’re not men.

    Since I womanned up and stopped going with that twisted flow, I have no regrets. That’s a good thing to be able to say…that for the past few years since I learned what guys are really thinking, because I talked to them in a context where they didn’t feel they needed to lie, I have not been confused. I know there are good men out there, and my legs are snapped shut until I encounter one who really does love and respect me, and is man enough to prove it.

    I’m a bit old, so my time might be over…but at least I have my dignity. Nobody gets to use and abuse or scam me. That makes me happier than any kind of sex. I don’t need sex as much as I need myself.

    This site is for women who feel the same. If you don’t, then don’t let the door hit you…

  8. I’m sorry, I’ll stop trying to dispel your self-pitying delusions. Maybe you should stop trying to meet men at bars.

  9. I don’t meet men at bars. Bars/pubs are for hanging out with my friends, most of whom are male. I have, on occasion, met a guy at a bar even though I don’t go there for that, and most of them have been okay because they could stand shoulder to shoulder with my bros. Otherwise, nobody gets close.

    I’m not bitter. I’m just not into getting used like a rag. I don’t understand what’s so wrong about not enjoying being treated like dirt.

  10. Nothing wrong with not wanting to be treated like dirt. Everything wrong with your filtering method. Your filtering method will remove the good guys as well.

  11. Caleb, that depends what you mean by “good”. There are many technically good men who want to marry a virgin, and will treat everyone else like slag, regardless of how they spin it. So if a woman isn’t a virgin, she should avoid these good men like a plague, not because they’re bad people, but because they aren’t suitable for her.

    One thing guys don’t seem to get is that love isn’t mathematics. It isn’t enough to be good. One has to match well with one’s partner.

    So guys should learn to be more direct about the kind of woman who is a good match for them, rather than playing games or doing shit tests. Well, the wrong sort anyway. They do nothing to help men avoid legit exploiters or hoes, just as they do nothing to protect women from true cads.

    If people are straightforward with each other, we don’t have to try to parse hidden meanings. Thing is, it takes courage to do this.

    There’s another angle to this. As more people are waking up and realizing that a fast life is not for them, we’re in a generation of the redeemed. Whether someone finds Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, Nietzsche or Ellegua, some people have checkered pasts, but have made serious changes. Those people who are probably more stable than the inexperienced, need to know that their past, while a legitimate reason for concern, is not going to kill their future with a potential partner.

  12. Thank you for the info. im a male, some of this shit is true but some of it wont help no women in the realworld. you wont to know why. Find me on wordpress.com

    email is leorey

  13. Wow, you two (Mamasan & Caleb) are having a good ol’ debate there… and you both make for a good argument.

    I enjoyed your article Mamasan; you make some valid points and, for those averagely attractive young woman, offer some sound advice on what can be expected from “some” members of the opposite sex. But, Caleb is right, if you are faking your filtering by telling any prospective partner what you believe they want to hear, then how can you possibly believe they are the one for you?

    At the end of the day, if an individual has some standards, and chooses NOT to sleep with a new partner until they are confident they are not just after a “hump & dump” then, if that new person IS only after a non-commital quickie, it’ll all become quite apparent relatively soon.

    We all take risks in new relationships, and matters of the heart, so it’s important for folk to remember not to beat themselves up too much if they are wrong about someone.

    Caleb has often referred to Mamasan’s comments ref: the numbers of partners…. well, if you’ve slept with more than 20 people (by your 30’s) then I’d like to think you were done with trying-out and were ready for a firmer commitment. Still, a person’s past is exactly that, and will have contributed towards making them the person they are;one that may steal away your heart.

    Ultimately, in order to attract a person with the same values, beliefs, moral standards etc… YOU NEED TO BE YOURSELF…. and if that tall, dark, handsome, charming stranger wrinkles his nose, says oh, makes his excuses and runs away, then it wasn’t mean’t to be… there’s nothing more to it than that!

  14. Mamasan,

    I’m into all the community stuff, and most of what you’re saying is true but you seem to be working on the assumption that casual sex is a really bad thing that women should never do or want.

    Also some of those questions I have asked purely to make conversation, not as a shit test at all “where’s the craziest place you’ve had sex” is one I will ask early on just to make fun sexual conversation, I’m not probing for a way to disqualify her or think of her as a “slut”.

    Your article has a vibe of resentment towards men IMO. Let me be utterly frank as I think you will appreciate it. IMO a high-quality guy is NEVER going to want to go serious with a fat girl (unless he has some kind of fetish). The reason is: he knows he can do better, and he would feel ashamed to be seen in public with an unattractive girl. Yes you’re right that if a guy is horny and desperate enough he will fuck a “less attractive” girl. And if he thinks he can do no better he may hook up with her long-term (which makes me cringe). So you want a guy who is only with you because he felt like he couldn’t do any better?

    Answer: get off your ass and exercise. And stop eating shit. “Game” is for guys, we do the gaming, you do the looking hot. If you slob out and whine that guys don’t like you because your fat, and then try to counter their game, you are NOT helping yourself at all.

    Your body fat and muscle tone are very much in your control, as are the clothes you wear, the quality of your skin, the tone of it, your hair etc etc. So don’t bring out the victim mentality on “I was born ugly”.

    So many fat girls have the tagline “don’t judge a book by its cover” on dating sites. Sorry, but guys are very visual creatures when it comes to attraction. Hoping guys will like you despite you being hideous and down on yourself is setting yourself up for massive failure.

    Much love. 🙂

    Rich x

  15. I’ll try to make this advice more practical:

    If I were a girl and wanted to attract more and better quality guys, have more choice in dating and more control and get more respect from guys…

    I would:
    #1 Eat a healthy diet (4-6 small meals, each with a fruit/veg portion)
    Why: Improves all physical qualities, necessary but not sufficient to be hot

    #2 Excercise (cardio eg: jogging/cycling and a bit of toning eg:swimming/rowing)
    Why: Improves body shape, lowers fat and tones muscle

    #3 Have a regular skincare routine (cleanse, exfoliate, moisturize, tone)
    Why: Skin quality is a health and fertility indicator, and if good is therefore attractive

    #4 Get a good hairstyle and look after your hair
    Why: Hair is another fertility indicator

    #5 Look after other little things (teeth, nails, body+pubic hair)
    Why: Clean white teeth are sexy, smooth skin is hot

    #6 Get some nice good-fit clothes to show off your body. A bit of cleavage can be a nice tease, but dear god NO if u have fat saggy boobs.
    Why: Gotta show that hot body you work hard to maintain

    #7 Get some interests other than shopping, pubs, clubs and your mates.
    Why: Guys like to have things to talk about, new things to try and learn and things in common. They’d rather not have generic retard girl #1000

    #8 After having done 1-7 THEN you can think about GAME. But to be honest by now ur so hot u don’t need it. So many guys will approach you it’ll get on your nerves, you just gotta pick.

    I’ve thought about this and the body IS more important than the face to me. I’ve seen girls with beautiful faces but their cheeks are a big fat and their body is horrid. I won’t go near them. If they did all the things I mentioned above they’d probably be 10s and the whole game would be flipped around and I’d be trying to game them while they had the power of choice.

  16. Rich, thank you for the reminder of the Priorities of the Doomed.

    What you’re saying is nothing new. It is in almost every issue of Cosmopolitan magazine ever printed.

    Mainstream standards are way too low. A hot good conversationalist can drown your kids in the bathtub. We’re not looking for the guys who would settle for that.

  17. I once had a girl ask me what I was looking for while we were on a first date. After I gave an honest answer, I asked her the same question. Her only response was that she was looking for a “nice guy.” I guess I should have perceived this as a red flag – she obviously didn’t want to answer the same exact question that she just asked me.

  18. The whole thing is pointless, All men hate women and will treat them with as much contempt as they can get away with. Forget it and buy a vibrator. You won’t have the grief or the STI’s and at least you’ll actually have an orgasm.

    • Soooooo true!!! Men are full of crap. They are shallow. They want you to go out with the “nice guys”, but they will never go out with a “nice girl”, only a hot trashy skank. He’ll be a “nice guy” to the skank, but he’ll be a jerk to the nice girl and lead her on and play her, all in the hopes of snagging the hotter girl. Even if you are in a relationship with a guy, he’ll be secretly lusting after some ‘barely legal’ bimbo. Girls, get a toy.

  19. A woman who has had sex with 30 different men is very promiscuous. I don’t know how you can deny this. Even if she is “reasonably attractive,” she has probably had at least one multi-year relationship during her life and that would cut down on her total number of partners.

    I agree with your argument that men think that women who have had sex with too many men are sluts. However, I disagree that men devalue women who had been with “too few” men. There is no such thing as “too few” to most men. Most men like it if a woman has only been with a handful of men – that is something for a woman to be proud of.

    By the way, I have never asked a woman either of those questions. Are those questions commonly asked?

  20. It seems pretty clear from the variety of comments on here that we just can’t generalise to the extent that we’re all trying to here, but here’s my bit of generalisation anyway.

    As a guy I’m not going to lie – yes, men obviously do seem to be more visual than women, but I think it’s not necessarily the case that this means one version of visual beauty is the key to all good looking men’s hearts – I mean, look around you (not in the media, in real life!) It always amazes me the amount of difference I perceive in attractiveness between two people who are a couple, and this isn’t always the average bloke with the stunning girlfriend by any means (unless I’ve just got a warped view of beauty!). What the original article says in some ways is true I think, in that the typical man is driven to a large extent by his own ego – he wants to feel like the person he is with is, just a bit, better than him, because he wants other people to think he’s done well for himself. Therefore I’d say the key to gaining respect, love and hell, downright lust from a man is CONFIDENCE in yourself. I don’t mean cockiness or arrogance, but just by being that little bit of a challenge. And yes that probably does mean looking after yourself physically to some degree – not necessarily by being slim, but choosing flattering clothes for you, nice hairstyle, etc. More than this however, it is about communicating to the guy that you are worth it: if you are average looking but feel great about yourself and help others to do the same this rubs off on the people you are around, and men will and do see this and like it. Speaking personally there have been many many fairly average looking women that I have been immensely attracted to because they have just got ‘it’ in the way I’ve described – and I’m sure that I’m not in the minority on this.

  21. allcrocsarecrocodiles

    What the poster said [using her own terms, parameters, experiences(?), etc] is essentially that women are damned ..either way.

    Men want women to be all the perfection they can imagine – so they don’t have to even think about trying themselves.

    If she fails, she is ted as less than him; if she tries to be good enough, she is dispised as too eager to please. If she does succeed, she has to be a threat to his ego, which he cannot tolerate.

    So a woman who is “perfect”, is [imo: WAY..] better than him, including smart enough to know when and where to ‘fail’ just enough… to keep him. Authentic that.

    As far as I can read it here, all the male replies exactly prove her point.

    So, happy playtime little boys.Keep on hunting the projected ‘proof’ of your own [hopeless] perfection.

    “Try loooking in the mirror”.

    Meanwhile, Fredericka tells it; if you want your authentic self, its along the lonely road. The rest is the bargain you settle for.

  22. I’m lost…Lost for words.

    I am highly educated, good looking and have a very interesting life.

    Of course there is sth to be said for sexual attraction, but I have met extremely beautiful women who don’t fit the cosmo standard. I have also met women who look like super models but could not tell the difference between an apple and a strawberry. The only thing that makes the real difference at first is the (sexual) confidence a woman portraits.

    Yes, there is no getting around the information my eyes are giving me. I met an extremely beautiful girl that I would date with pleasure. At first I was attracted by her beauty, then I saw the other side of her face, which was burned. I would still LOVE to date this girl, because she carried herself like a woman with confidence. There is a big difference between confidence and arrogance.

    Being a good guy has NO relation to your social standard. There’s not even a relation to your intelligence. I believe it’s a matter of the way you were raised.

    I have been in a very long relation. 15 years from 18. My sexual partners have been only 3. I noticed I am somehow “friend” material to most girls I meet since I became single.

    I started reading up on dating and social behavior. All the “game” stuff really works. Since I applied it there has been a huge difference. I hate that! Why? I want to date women that don’t play nasty games and I don’t want to play them.

    Basically I love women, love to chase them, but hate chasing them like I am trying to sell them a car. Teasing is fantastic, playing is not.

    I am probably hopelessly romantic, but still hope I will meet someone, be myself and fall head over heels in love for the rest of my life.

  23. i thought this article was pretty good and its great to see this site up, im a guy who has always felt a little guilt if ive gone after a girl just for sex when i knew i wasnt attracted to them enough to seriously date them. Not everyone is good looking but we all have brains and should be able to learn this kind of stuff to help us be a little more secure with our interactions with the opposite sex. Honesty is always best, being comfortable and funny is sexier than an airhead with a big set of tits, just gotta find the smart funny ones with big tits i guess…. But glad to see girls getting game. I think understanding this stuff, social science, game, whatever should be taught in school, its taken me years to get where i feel comfortable with very attractive girls and know that it doesnt matter if i fuck up, therell be others.\ any help guys and girls can get with this is awesome imo. everyone deserve to find someone its the only reason we are here.

  24. When my last boyfriend asked “how many?” I answered this question by telling him the truth: “neither 2 nor 50”. I didn’t lie and this answer was also satisfactory for him. I think 2 per year is pretty normal for an unmarried person with a healthy sex drive. But I think both men and women who scored over 50 or 100 can be players and should be avoided…

  25. You don’t get it at all.

    A “shit test” is a test that appears to be a straightforward test with a “right” answer; unfortunately, if you give the “right” answer you have failed the test, because the test was really about something else.

    For example: a woman says to a man “Why did you come over to talk to me?” The true answer, “because I’m attracted to you”, will not win the man any favors. She knows he is attracted to her – half the men in the room are attracted to her – and she is testing whether he is any better than those men or the other losers who keep hitting on her. A suitable reply would express indifference or wit without being nasty.

    When a man asks “how many men have you had sex with”, it is not a shit test because he really wants to know the answer (though if he has any sense he knows he is not likely to get it). A man doesn’t care about your partner count if he is looking for casual sex, only if he is looking for a long term relationship.

    Consider the example the author gave – a woman who has changed partners every six months for 13 years, and had four holiday flings, making a total of 30 partners by the age of 30. It is statistically unlikely that partner number 31 will be her final, lifelong union. It is much more likely that she will go on changing partners every six months until she is 55 or 60.

    So I agree with the author – if a man asks, and your truthful answer is more than 20, end the relationship. He is looking for a lifelong partner, and you are incapable of being what he wants.

    Don’t forget that in our grandparents’ time, a large fraction of the population had just one partner – their husband/wife. Even today, most people get through their whole lives with a lot fewer partners than 30.

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