In the PUA (pick-up artist) community, a shit test is defined as a method of filtering women use on the fly, through challenging, to sort potential mates from platonic friends (sometimes emotional tampons or gophers), from completely disgusting individuals we wouldn’t even wish on an enemy. The way it’s discussed, one would think that negs (negative comments made or behaviors done to put the woman on the defensive) are the domain of men, and shit tests are the domain of women. Things aren’t quite so neat though, especially for those of us who don’t conform or don’t measure up to the dominant standard wherever we are. Then too, there is the fact that many men are very feminine these days because they didn’t have a strong male role model. They may use feminine sorting methods because that’s all they’ve seen.
Unlike a “hot” chick, when we non conventional beauties meet an average beta, he’s often deciding whether or not tolerating our perceived ugliness is worth a “pump and dump”. If we’re in the range that he views us as among the best he can do, looks-wise, he might be checking us out to see if we’re relationship material. Beta males shit test for the same reasons we do. They don’t want to get saddled with what they view as a bad investment of time, energy, emotion, and resources. The problem is that just like most of us, they’re testing for the wrong thing in the wrong way. At the end of the day, a good many of them end up marrying real and obvious whores and abusers completely unawares.
An Alpha male on the other hand, is a bit of an enigma because he’s just in any sexual situation for either the status or the experience. He won’t generally settle for someone he as an individual perceives as ugly, unless he is in pursuit of status among the “normal” people, and she is the ticket. This does not mean that he will remain faithful to her though. Alphas have been known throughout history, to often have conventionally attractive wives, and interesting non conventionally beautiful mistresses. Sometimes that mistress is even male.
What makes an “ugly” woman worth sticking with, for the beta, is her relative beauty compared to his other options, and that she doesn’t challenge his sexuality in a way that he feels intimidated. For most, this means she should be younger than him, and a virgin or close when she meets him. Basically, you’re there to validate or enhance his status, make his babies, and be an outlet for his sex drive if possible, in that order of priority. The rest is optional to unnecessary in proportion to his income. He doesn’t need you to have home skills if you can afford maids, and doesn’t need you to be good in bed if you’re pretty. That’s an Alpha requirement.
…which brings us to our first beta male shit test: when he asks how many guys you’ve had sex with. Mind you, social Alphas may say or do some of these things too, but their agenda is just a bit different. What a beta male does unconsciously out of fear, an Alpha male does for a specific, conscious purpose. So they may be equally screwed up, but the exact risk from an Alpha type is less predictable.
Shit test #1: How many guys have you slept with?
A reasonably attractive woman who is 30 years old, who has been sexually active since the age of say, 17, could reasonably have sex with 2 men per year who were her actual boyfriend. That’s 26 men. Add the occasional vacation fling, and we could say at least 30.
…but beta males, relying heavily on statistics and averages, don’t want to hear that. Forget that most if not all of these studies rely on self reported data. It’s what they want to believe, despite the reality going on all around them. It leads to all sorts of unreal mythology like fat women not getting laid, and more attractive women being less slutty, and the like. Both are absolute bull.
Beta males especially cling to these shady stats to console themselves that less conventionally beautiful women have the same options and experience the same alone-ness that they do. Women allow them to believe this because we know it would hurt them to know the truth: that no feminine, clean woman is alone unless we choose to be.
So it leads to a dilemma about whether or not to tell the guy the truth when he asks a question that he seems to want the answer to, but doesn’t really want to know the answer to.
This question is basically meant to both gain information that will qualify or disqualify you as a partner, and put you on the defensive. The best answer to this question is to tell the truth if you’re under 20, and if you’re over 20 and not religious or reclusive, break up or silently downgrade his potential with you. It’s a catch 22 situation. If you’ve had too few partners, he will likely overestimate his value, and if you’ve had too many for his personal taste, he’ll class you as a slut, even if the last time you had sex was a year or more ago.
The only time you should actually answer that question is if you know you’re dealing with someone who actually gets off on knowing his woman was very sought after and sexually active, or maybe after your second child. If he asks before that, he’s prepared to get rid of you if he gets the “wrong” answer. A guy who is looking for reasons to dump you should be kicked to the curb with steel toe work boots. If you don’t have the heart to do that, then at least don’t think of him as a potential committed partner.
Shit test #2: What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?
If this involves group sex with more than one male who you were committed to, ask yourself why your mind immediately jumped to that. If it involves particularly rough sex, or casual sex with someone you barely knew in a movie theater bathroom, ask yourself the same question. Is it because the sex was very kinky or because you feel morally challenged, and understand that this sort of thing is what will lead him to disqualify you?
Again, if a guy is looking for reasons to dump or downgrade you, beat him to the punch. Tell him that at that point you don’t trust him enough to tell him, that you feel he’s looking for reasons to get rid of you, and end it there. If enough women do that, he might take the lesson and just not get involved with women he feels are morally inferior to him in the first place. If he wants a religious woman or a virgin, he should actively seek that instead of expecting someone to have been saving it for Mr. Hypothetical all their adult lives. He’s welcome to have his double standards, but that doesn’t mean you have to cater to them.
Shit test #3: What are you looking for?
This one comes up a lot online, and sometimes during initial meetings. If a guy asks you this, he hopes your answer will be, “Just a one night stand or some casual fun if you’re good, but no commitment please.”
Guys who ask this question are Gay or Bi. No ifs ands or buts. It is not a question that a heterosexual man asks a woman. Period.
Shit test #4: Friends with benefits.
He’s not your friend. He just wants to shag you regularly while keeping his options open. You’ll do for now, but he thinks he can do better. If he doesn’t think you’re good enough, tell him to go find someone who is.
Shit test #5: It’s just sex.
There is no such thing as “just sex”. At its most casual, it is still a means of ego validation. Its natural purpose though is bonding and/or reproduction. The “just sex” designation before the sex happens is a shit test to see if you are in the habit of casual sex. If you fail this test, he’ll think of you as a slut. If you pass, he might move on to the next, but he will respect you more.
If it’s said after sex, and especially after a “friends with benefits” phase or undefined relationship, then it is the male version of the rapo game. Read Games People Play for details on that. Basically, it’s the same as a woman seducing a man, and then when he makes an advance, she turns around and accuses him of somehow violating her or wanting to. You probably shouldn’t have allowed yourself to touch him in the first place, but after the fact, the best recovery is to just stop having sex with him, and behave as if none of it ever happened. The only sign there should be that it did, is that you don’t ever do it again.
More shit tests to come…