What guys say they want isn’t always what they really want. I know
none of you is suprised to read this. What does throw you off though,
is when you KNOW you did a man right, and even brough him munchies and
a beer after, and cooked breakfast in the morning, a week or more passes
and he still hasn’t called you back.
The “rules” of dating are different now than they used to be.
Most of us who are sane and fully sexual don’t feel the need to starve
a man of sex, or starve ourselves for that matter. We’ve figured
out that it’s not depriving a man that allows you to get to know him.
You
really don’t know what you’ve got until after the sex. That’s
when he’ll either get his ego sticker and go, or start playing whatever
games he was hiding from you before. If you’re lucky, he’ll want
to continue the relationship in a healthy way, and having the first sex
over with will free both of you to take the next step of exploring each
others’ sexuality as you explore the rest of the personality as well.
However, if you’re a woman with the kind of pelvic floor muscles that
can lift a full bottle of vodka off the floor, and can suck like you’ve
got hydraulic jaws, you may have a problem, even if the men you select
are very nice. You might be too good for your own good.
I know what you’re thinking. “Anything worth doing is worth doing
right.” That is a positive way of thinking, but one must remember
that for most men, sex is like pizza. Even when it’s not that
great, it’s okay, and even when it’s excellent, it’s still pizza.
So your first priority when taking on a new partner (aside of safer
sex using a condom of course) is to make sure you get yours.
You know what turns you on, and what to do even if he doesn’t.
If it looks like he’s not going in the right directions, then take matters
into your own hands, literally. Do what you need to do, and then
let him do what he needs to do. That way you can’t say that you didn’t
get something out of it. You sacrificed nothing. You don’t
need a next time in order to have a happy memory.
If he does what you need him to do, then all the better. Just
don’t
get confused by the rush of oxytocin (the hormone that causes bonding)
to your brain afterwards. On the first time you might even want
to get out of bed in a hurry, go to the bathroom, take a shower, or pet
your dog or cats, just in case. That way you can keep your head straight
in case he’s a loser (someone who’s going to play games) or just a bitch
(someone who only has sex to offer).
The point is to enjoy yourself and have a good time, but don’t be
so concerned about his pleasure that you forget your own. Some
of us are a bit egoist when it comes to sex, and we like to make a guy
make alot of pathetic noises. It’s part of our pleasure to please
the man. However, one must remember that sex isn’t happenning in
a social vacuum. There are some problems with being too good.
You can get labelled as a whore.
Even though many things have changed, many things stay the same.
A
woman who is too good at sex may be perceived as oversexed. Because
you’re attractive and exciting, you may be pursued with a vengeance, but
then when it’s over, if you’ve been classed as a whore, you’re just another
conquest. He’ll think about you while he’s masturbating or if the
next woman isn’t so good at it, but he won’t come back to you with the
respect you deserve. He’ll call maybe once a week or once a month
because he no longer wants to get to know you as a person.
You are just a fancy hole.
You can get labelled as a wife.
If he doesn’t think of you as a whore, then he might think of you as
a potential wife. Not only are you attractive and witty, but you
make him scream 100 names of Durga, and he could really fall for you.
Many
men aren’t ready for this, or they are permanently broken by suffocating
moms, and mistake love for being consumed. If you are too
good, he might push you away for the same reason most people don’t do hard
drugs.
You can get taken for granted.
Men often don’t have as much sexual experience as they pretend to.
If he’s nearly a virgin, or most of his previous experiences have been
with prostitutes or pub predators, then he may think that great sex
is just what happens when they’re with a woman who really cares for them.
They might be the type of guy who is always trying to “trade up”, and figure
that if it ends with you, they can just go right out and find another one
just like you, but maybe prettier or otherwise more socially convenient.
Heh.
You can be mistaken for being in love.
This one is closely related to being taken for granted, but has a darker
tinge to it. If he thinks you’re in love, then he often thinks he
can keep you no matter what he does. Even if he’s right, the sane
sexual woman isn’t going to take crap from him. He’ll think you will
though.
Your sexual confidence is like any other aspect of your ego.
With too much use and abuse, it will suffer. My personal choice
has been to go with my own flow, which means near absitnence. I chose
not to waste my time bothering about being valued by others who clearly
don’t care or have bad intentions. I consider sexual attention more
a gift from the universe than from an individual until that individual
displays a connection with the universe that wouldn’t allow them to involve
another person in a narcissistic sexual demonstration. So, I don’t
waste my better talents anymore with those who wouldn’t be able to relate
to true ecstasy anyway.
Remember that you don’t owe anyone your vagina as a sacrifice.
So don’t sacrifice, and there’s no need to feel used.
Save the scented candles, massages, and poetry for someone who you already
know appreciates your time and your pleasure.
On the positive side, a man who cares something for you doesn’t need
you to perform like a circus animal to care about you. You don’t
need to jump through any hoops on the initial sexual encounters.
If you begin to gradually use more of your skills once a real relationship
has been established, he’s not going to complain. He’ll be nicely
surprised.
In other words, even if you’re that good, sometimes it is best to save
something for the next time
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