Rapo is basically a social game in which someone lures another to pursue them sexually, takes some pleasure (ego boost) from it, and then dismisses their target. Level 1 ends with the target/sucker being politely dismissed after they commit to pursuit (You’re nice but…). Level 2 ends with the sucker being dismissed by shaming (Buzz off buster!). Level 3 ends very messy and violently with the sucker being lured into physical contact, then being accused of a criminal assault (Rape!).
The Frigid Woman game is basically the marital or committed relationship version of Rapo. The sucker is lured and then shamed to feed the player’s ego.
These games are normally viewed as the domain of women, so men are usually raised with awareness of the possibility of being accused of sexual harassment or rape. Women though, are often caught unawares when a man plays a similar game. Where sex is the lure with the female Rapo player, love is the lure with the male player. The games begin with the player successfully seducing his target into thinking of him as a romantic prospect.
Level 1 male Rapo ends with the sucker being politely rebuffed before any genital contact has happened, or plausible commitment indicating gestures have been made by him. She is told that she is not a romantic prospect. This is “letting her down easy”.
Level 2 male Rapo is happening when the man makes plausible commitment and territorial gestures, and thoroughly convinces his target that he does consider her his partner, but without actually saying he loves her or wants a committed relationship. Part of the commitment behaviors may include intense sex in which he encourages her to try new, kinky, or perhaps uncomfortable, potentially humiliating things one would generally only do with a very trusted partner. There may not be sex happening though. He could be encouraging her to share secrets with him, or using her some other way. It ends when the sucker seeks confirmation that he does indeed want a commitment. He doesn’t, and ices the cake of humiliation with, “I never said I loved you/wanted a commitment.”
Level 3 male Rapo, like its female equivalent, ends in suicide or the courtroom. The sucker is lured into a relationship with the player, much like Level 2, but for an extended period of time and with an added possessiveness on his part (which encourages possessiveness on her part). When she makes moves to get out of the relationship, he pulls her back in until he knows he has her. Satisfied with the results of his mindgame, he pulls off the mask and reveals to her that he not only doesn’t love her, but that he never has, and that it has all been a game that she was too stupid and too much of a slut/whore to realize. Any contact she makes with him thereafter, to try to salvage what she may still believe is a relationship that just went wrong, or even just to vent her anger at the person who caused it rather than others, he calls “stalking”.
Okay, so it doesn’t *always* end in suicide or the courtroom. Some women are very strong.
Ways to Avoid Being Played
There are ways to avoid this game, but some men are very good at it. So one can’t always avoid these players entirely, without becoming a nun or a Lesbian, but once you sense a game is afoot, it’s easy to get out of if you watch for the signs. I’ve survived two Level 3 players who skulked away emptyhanded of my ego after failure to get me to take them seriously. Their mask removals caused more pity than anger.
So there is the first line of defense against male Rapo players: Nurture your self confidence with success.
Self confidence can be very high, but volatile if it is not backed up by some kind of success. This doesn’t have to be something that other people recognize, but it should be something you recognize as making you worth more than the minerals that make up your body. Every human being deserves basic human respect (which includes respect for the fact of their destructiveness if warranted) but in order to be a bad target, you must truly believe that you are worth loving and worth defending. If you falter in this, you will become a nice target for someone who wants to convince you that you don’t deserve to be loved, and that you have no right to be upset when someone deceives you and wastes your time.
So make it a point to do something good for others and yourself each day. It keeps things in perspective, and helps you do the next thing: Develop a good sense of proportion.
Though your heartbreak is important, what’s more pressing at the moment that someone is playing Rapo at your expense, is that they are in-freakin-sane, and you need to put as much distance between yourself and them as possible. Understanding that people (men and women) who play such games are small egos in constant need of propping up from others, is very helpful in getting over them. In this case, it’s easier for women than it is for men, because men often confuse pity with love. A woman however, has alot of trouble confusing pity with love because it’s very rare that one of us will love a man we don’t even respect, or who we honestly view as pathetic.
…and what is more pathetic than a guy who plays the same kinds of creepy games that hysterical attention whoring girls do?
What Kind of Sick Bastard Plays This Game?
See above: Hysterical attention whores. These are guys who usually had overly doting, possibly emotionally or more physically incestuous mothers. Some of these types will pursue women of lower apparent social status because they consider these women of a sort of disposable class or caste. Some will play this game of women of equal or higher apparent social status as a kind of vengeance for not being born to the manner to which they feel entitled. Either way, this is the domain of spoiled men, just as it is of spoiled women.
So ladies, the way to protect yourself from these types is to be very firm about not giving any boyfriend privileges to someone who hasn’t earned their place as your boyfriend. You will encounter very few guys who you know you can trust almost immediately, and every last one of them has a clean history of good dating conduct. They may not all be Alphas, but Alphas are a bit overrated. Better an honest beta than a deceptive Alpha.
…and another thing to be aware of in this is that being Alpha does not make a man ethical or less likely to play games. In fact, Alphas have certain advantages over betas in the field of gaming. A beta may do what he does because of the environment he grew up in, and is usually emotionally flexible enough that if he sees something is too destructive, he might have the heart to go get some help. It may be stupidity and bad coping mechanisms rather than malice that drives him. An Alpha on the other hand, more likely makes a conscious choice, and has a malicious, hateful motive.
Alpha males, especially very goodlooking ones, are also more likely to have an overblown sense of entitlement and low motivation combination. What makes them Alpha is the drive to get what they want, and the ability to think relatively independently. Neither of those makes a person more ethical.
A man who really loves you will stake his claim, so to speak. So if a guy isn’t telling you that he loves you and that he wants a commitment with you, then don’t allow yourself to believe it is more than he’s said that it is.