How to Ask a Guy Out

Here’s an article from one of my favorite how-to sites. I helped to write it, but others have contributed to it.

How to Ask a Guy Out

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit
Got your eye on a certain cute guy? Well, don’t wait–ask him out! If you’re shy and don’t know how to make this happen, follow these easy steps.

Steps

  1. Be in the right place. It’s best to ask someone out in person, so you’ve got to make sure to be where the guy you have a crush on is. This could be at the mall, the movies, or maybe at the baseball field if he’s an athlete. You don’t want to look like a stalker, but you do want to be able to talk to him.
  2. Take the initiative. Unfortunately, many guys are too afraid to walk up to someone they’re interested in and ask them out. Take matters into your own hands. Walk up to him slowly but don’t creep him out, and introduce yourself. Try not to do this if he’s extremely busy, but at the same time, don’t let the opportunity to talk to him pass you by just because you’re nervous. If he seems receptive when you introduce yourself, keep on talking to him.
  3. Make small talk with him. Break the ice by commenting on something he’s wearing or saying something about the place or event you’re at. Just try to get him to feel comfortable around you.
  4. Make eye contact with him. While the two of you are talking, make eye contact and try to hold it for just a little longer than you normally would–just a second or two, not too long. If he makes eye contact back, he’s probably interested in you.
  5. Commence flirting. This can mean touching him lightly on the arm, for example, or laughing at his jokes. Just be playful and communicate that you’re interested. Sometimes you can flirt from afar and entice him to come over to you. Compliment him! For example you could say something like, “I love your cologne.”
  6. Ask him non-intrusive questions about himself, such as what kinds of things he likes to do, what his favorite kind of food is, or if he likes to play sports. By asking harmless little questions you can find out more about him to determine if you really want to ask him out, and you might find out whether or not he’s single. You can also set the conversation up to ask him out.
  7. Ask him out. Once you find something you both have in common, ask if he’d like to do it together sometime. Do NOT just rush up to him and say the words or ask a friend to ask him out for you! Guys hate that. It is embarrassing. If you don’t succeed in finding something you have in common, you might not really find him that interesting, but if you want to take a chance, just let him know that you’d like to hang out with him again.
    • If he says no, at least he knows you are interested and may get to want to know you more, or if he seems like he needs more time, don’t get too upset; work on your friendship, getting closer and building up trust. Chances are he’ll change his mind. Just be patient and wait to see what happens. Just say, “Oh, that’s okay, maybe another time.” Don’t be rude and don’t hold a grudge. There is no faster way to turn off a guy than to hold a grudge against him for not being as “into” you as you are into them.
    • If he says yes, plan where and when you will go out, and don’t forget to have fun. Since you asked, you should pay for the date, unless he insists. If he wants to pay for the date, then hey – no arguments there, right? Let him pay for the date if he insists–it makes him look like a gentleman and may also indicate that he is serious about pursuing you, which is what you were hoping for in the first place! On a first date, it is recommended that you go to the movies or somewhere with a lot of people, that way, there won’t be any awkward silences.

Tips

  • Be confident about it. Guys are “supposed to” ask girls out, and any girl who defies this “rule” is worth considering.
  • Before you ask him out make sure that you are alone together. Never ask him out when he is at a table surrounded by a group of friends. Social expectations still require that the guy must ask the girl out, so if he says “yes”, he may feel foolish in front of his friends.
  • On the day you plan to ask the guy out, make sure to wear an outfit that gives you confidence. This will make you much more comfortable and give you the courage to make your move. DO NOT wear an outfit that makes you feel self-conscious, such as a tight dress or low-cut blouse. You want to appear relaxed and comfortable when asking him out.
  • Remember, you have nothing to be nervous about. Guys typically love being asked out, since they’re the ones usually doing all the work in these situations. If he says no it is not the end of the world–you mustered up to courage to ask him out and it will do wonders for your self-confidence later on with other guys.
  • Take the time to get to know him better. Talk to him and work on becoming friends. Spend time with each other just talking and building up trust. When you’ve gotten to know each other better, the fear of asking him out will naturally melt away.do not just talk about yourself all night,but try and talk about yourself more then he if he asks, because guys LOVE just listening and looking at you when your enjoying yourself.*Don’t assume that he’s not interested or that he’s less of a man just because he didn’t make the first move. A guy who doesn’t ask you out may still like you but be taken or too shy or on the rebound or any number of things. Don’t read any dating books that tell you “if he hasn’t asked you out then he’s just not that into you.” The authors of these books make money by reinforcing your fears and self-doubts, so you will buy more of their books. How can they make money off of you if you’re confident and not afraid to approach guys?
  • Always smile, it will be interpreted as confidence. Looking down and muttering will just make you seem uninterested or not very date-worthy.
  • The most IMPORTANT thing is to TALK TO HIM. Don’t guess at his intentions, don’t over-analyze a look, a gesture, a sentence, etc. The only way you will truly know if he likes you is if he tells you. When you have become better friends he may tell you or you may need to ask him. Hey, nobody ever said love was easy…
  • If he has an aim account,you might be more secure with talking to him on that first. Then talking in person, but try not to ask him out over aim. It creeps him out(Not always (shy guys) might not feel as self-conscious and nervous by electronic messaging) at the end you will have good times together.
  • always be kind to the guy and dont act fake EVER.

Warnings

  • If he says no, he may just want to see your reaction. Chances are, if you really thought he liked you, he probably does. If he says no, say: “Okay.” Don’t ask why, don’t ask again, just go back to being normal friends. He may ask you out once he sees you can take a no without crying. Also, if he feels too awkward as friends after being asked out, then he’s not meant for you.
  • Some people want to get guys to ask them out by making them jealous or playing hard to get. This can backfire because the guy could give up or get annoyed by your tactics. The best approach is to be honest and straightforward about your feelings.
  • Some guys think being asked out is too much to handle. If he is like that, try not to say “DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME?!” because he may think you would be going too fast. Try saying “Would you like to hang out sometime?” or, “I’m going to the movies Saturday. Wanna come?”
  • Don’t be too aggressive. Assertiveness is attractive, but hostility is not.
  • Even if you have asked a guy out, it does not mean you are obligated to do anything you don’t want to on the date. If you ever feel uncomfortable, get out of the situation right away.
  • If he’s “famous” amongst your friends, don’t brag about him getting your number. Bragging is a turn-off.
  • Some guys may just be getting over a breakup, so be understanding that he may not be ready to go on a date or, conversely, he may just be looking for a rebound.
  • Don’t ask a guy out just so that you can have a boyfriend. Find a guy you really, truly like.
  • Some guys are just plain old-fashioned. Look for the signs and try to gauge whether or not you should go in for the kill. If you see the signs of gray, it would be well worth the wait to let him be the hunter…if he really likes you, he’ll go for it! If he’s the one, nothing will stop him.
  • If you already know him, don`t act differently from how you normally act because he will suspect something and want to walk off.
  • If possible, try not to ask him out over the phone or get a friend to do it. Boys like a girl with courage and someone that is not terrified of talking to him.
  • If you ask him out and he says maybe, DON’T be a stalker. Give him time.
  • If the guy insults you, forget him. He isn’t worth your time.
  • If in the end he says no, never insult him or lie behind his back, that just turns him off even more. He may have been considering saying yes.
  • If he says no the first time don’t keep asking him because then he will get annoyed REALLY easily.
  • If he is flirting with other girls, don’t get angry at him, because he’ll definitely not like you, and maybe he is trying to make you jealous if he’s flirting with other girls! Act as if you don’t care, even if he does like the girl he’s flirting with, he isn’t the one for you, and there are more guys out there!
  • Definitely don’t keep bothering him about it if he needs more time.. if the guy is shy don’t be so aggressive with asking him out or he might get scared off.
  • Do not have a friend ask him out for you or else he will think you are desperate.
  • Big warning! Do not ask him out if he is a jerk to everybody but you. You may portray that as a sign that he likes you, and maybe he does. HOWEVER, it’s stupid to go out with a mean guy. If he makes fun of someone in front of you and you laugh, it is a poor influence on your character. People won’t like you if they don’t like the guy. Don’t waste your time on him. It’s pointless.
  • If the guy says “ummm” and turns away, then says “Can I think about it?” Don’t let him think about it. In almost every situation, he just doesn’t know how to turn you down. Also, if they give an excuse such as “I’m really busy today. I gotta do this, that, etc…” then he just is scared or doesn’t like you. So don’t let him think about it. Say “I need an answer now, please.” That will help him.
  • If you want to give him a note, DON’T draw big hearts and related fluff, or he’ll get scared and think that you’re crazy. A nice little note, slipped on his desk during class, would be okay though.
  • You could give some guys the wrong impression that you like him.

Related wikiHows

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Ask a Guy Out. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

About Mamasan

I'm a multifaith spiritual counselor with lots of experience assisting people with improving their relationships. Feel free to comment on the site or contact me if you have an issue you'd rather discuss privately.

11 Comments

  1. Pingback: Anonymous

  2. but what if….well ima tell u the whole story, so theres this guy and i didn’t like him at first until i found out that he likes me too…and he always is flirting with me and one day i asked him out and he said, “I’ll think about it” and its been a couple days now…but he hasn’t said anything…and my friends are around him alot and they want me to be around them too and i can feel weird awkwardness between us and he likes one of my old friends and well, i dont think he likes me much to say yes…what should i do?!!?!! please help thanks

  3. Mandy, just let it go. You’ve made your interest known, and if he wants to take it further, he will. If not, then he won’t.

    Don’t try to play games about it though. Games are for men and hoes who have time for that crap. If he waits too long and you’re legitimately not interested, just tell him that. If you are interested in him, you have nothing to lose from being polite and attentive, but not pushy.

    …and remember, bo boyfriend privileges without boyfriend status. Some guys keep things up in the air or undefined to trap you into the male “rapo” game. So when he moves you move, and not before. Let him lead the dance because that’s what a guy is supposed to do. If he doesn’t want to lead but wants to reap the benefits without doing his job then he’s not into you and you’re just there for him to pass the time with. If that’s the case, bail out and don’t look back.

    He may just have been trying to be nice to you though, and not be attracted to you. If that’s the case then just back off completely.

  4. There’s this guy in my math class. and I sorta REALLY like him. Thing is, we haven’t talked much (like only a couple times), so I barely know him and vice-versa. But the way he makes me feel is indescribable. What do I do??

  5. Ok so there’s this one guy that is in all of my classes and I really like him. I really want to ask him out but I’m not sure what to say to him. I’m pretty sure that he likes me back because I notice him staring at me with a smile on his face everyday at school. I talk to him sometimes and he seems to get really nervous. He’s very shy so I can’t think of a way to ask him out without making him feel nervous and to just say no. Can you please help me? I would really appriciate it.

  6. Unless you’re very dominant, and looking for a submissive guy, it’s important to let the guy make the first actual move even if you are going to be the one to ask him out first. So though it may be difficult, try to calm down when you’re around him, and see things from his point of view.

    …and do be prepared for rejection. When you could be cool with whichever answer you get is when you should say something, not before.

    In order to not seem pushy, set the tone to you basically inviting him to spend some time with you in a pressure free situation. This puts the ball in his court. You’re expressing interest without taking away his veto option or making it so heavy he’d feel he should go along in order to be nice to you. Invite him somewhere, but leave any definitions as far as whether or not it’s a date up to him.

  7. well look me and my boyfriendwant to kiss and i dont know what to o we really love eachother but i have never had a first kiss so i am nervous what do i do plzzz help me

  8. I really like this guy and my cousin dump him because she saw another man. I really like him but I dont know how to ask him out me and him are great friends and been friends for 2 years and i almost ask him but his friends are alwayys appear?

  9. i like this guy named manuel out he allways stares at me and i allways stare at him but not gor a long time can u help me? i dont know how to ask if he is dating anyone because he is allways by his friends what should i do/ i am scared if he is going to say no and if he is dating anyone im to afraid to ask him out with everyone around us.

  10. can somone help me. i love manuel and he even signed my yearbook and i want to date him but im scared to ask him out.

  11. My sister could use some tips here. Thanks for sharing. Very good article for the shy types!

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