Arguments rage throughout the scientific community, between artists, and into the blogosphere about beauty. At the extremes are those who say that beauty is objective, and that humans are “wired” to respond to it the same; and those who say that it is totally subjective, and that there is no real standard.
I’m somewhere in between. I believe that there is an objective standard for human beauty that is based on health and viability. However, there are many “flavors” of it, and how people will respond to a particular type of beauty depends on their culture, experiences, and personal needs.
Among those of you reading this article are, I’m sure, those who have experienced strange things that wouldn’t happen if beauty was absolutely objective in the way that most western people would interpret it. You’re slim, blonde, blue eyed, and have trouble attracting quality guys…or you’re very fat, and attract quality guys regularly. In this article, you’re going to find out why, and learn to tweak both your looks and your social life to get what you want.
Remember, your looks aren’t everything, but your body is part of your costume. Dress the part you want to play.
First, we’ll talk about rating yourself objectively.
The Marquardt mask is a pretty good start in determining how pretty your face is. It’s not perfect, but it is pretty good for a quick assessment of facial symmetry and proportion. Critics of it claim that Marquardt “perfection” isn’t feminine enough, and that men prefer more feminine faces. It is true that feminine faces are preferred, but this is subjective and based on statistics. The Marquardt system of measuring is measuring beauty according to a nonexistent but totally nature based ideal. So deviations from it do not mean that you are actually less beautiful, just less ideal looking.
Now, as you’re comparing your face to the mask, and to faces that closely conform to it, and bearing in mind allowances for femininity, consider what any deviations mean. Some of them are the fortune of your genes, but some are the result of your nutrition, self care, behavior, and attitude. You can improve them with lifestyle changes.
If you have features that look very disproportional, don’t feel bad about yourself and run to the surgeon. In many if not most cases, this does more harm than good. Your face, for better or worse, tells people what kinds of genes you have, and what you’ve been doing with them. If you change it surgically, your face won’t send the messages that it should. So unless it’s an actual deformity (like crooked teeth or a sideways curved nose) or you’re shooting for a career as a model, don’t fix what’s not broken. Besides, we’re all going to age anyway. When you’re pushing 50, you’ll be glad you didn’t think you were smarter than nature.
Ways to improve your objective beauty start from within. What your face looks like is formed by how your muscles, cartilage, and skin, lay over your skull. Your skull is a bone, so getting enough calcium is as important for your skull and teeth as it is for your back.
It is also important to get enough exercise, and drink enough water. These things have a great impact on your overall skin and muscle tone. What messes up many girl’s beauty is forgetting about muscle tone in the face. Your face shows what you’ve done with it over the years.
So to develop the beauty of your face, take on good habits that will make the muscles in your face healthier. Chew with your mouth closed, and do not let your mouth hang open. The only times your lips should part are when you are speaking, smiling, putting something in, or spitting something out. If you don’t then your face will begin to resemble a basset hound before you’re 25, and get worse thereafter.
Another way to enhance or preserve your facial beauty is to be more positive. Contempt and snobbishness causes what some middle eastern men refer to as an “ass face”. It looks like narrow butt-cheeks are forming in the middle of a woman’s forehead when she is constantly frowning. It also makes the sides of the lips wrinkle sooner than they should.
So watch your attitude. If you find yourself walking around with negative feelings too often, try activities that take the focus off of yourself, like volunteering. Yoga and meditation are also good for the body and the mind, as far as improving one’s attitude and consequently, one’s looks. How many hideous Yoga instructors have you met?
Important from the neck down, but also from the neck up is proper weight management. Many people are doing things to their bodies based on one-size-fits-all diets. The best diet/nutrition/activity schedule for you though, is to mimic the lifestyle of your longest lived, healthiest ancestors balanced with the habits of those native/indigenous to your region.
Different people of different ethnicities living in different areas have different needs. Their faces and figures will reflect how well they are adapting or maintaining. The outcome of optimal or at least well managed health will look different, but the result will be maximized objective beauty.
Now let’s get into the subjective part.
Most people in the world are not scientists or thinking of beauty in terms of nature. Although nature’s choice will be the most ideal, and they will overlap somewhat with people’s choices, what is considered most beautiful is what is more socially convenient.
This is not to say that subjective standards are less important. They can shape the course of one’s life. Lower status women have been exploited because of it. Higher status women have been kidnapped and basically enslaved because of it. Knowing where you stand can save you some suffering, or help you to increase your status if you play it well.
We all know what the western media ideal beauty is, and either consciously or unconsciously understand that this is “statistical beauty”. It is a template that is based on feedback given for models and celebrities over the years. One could call it the American cultural beauty template.
Its usefulness should have remained in the realm of the media, for choosing models and actresses, but it has become the standard by which others are judged as well. It shouldn’t be, but it is, and there are many reasons for this that you should be aware of when rating yourself.
Increasingly, children are not being raised within a stable culture, or by active, attachment oriented parents or relatives. They’re being placed in front of televisions, and media-land becomes the teacher of their values, and what they should like or dislike. This is not limited to female beauty. It extends to what kinds of clothes people should wear, and what kinds of material possessions people should have. The preferred standard of living is programmed into children by corporations who want these children to grow up and give them money.
So instead of growing up to prefer women who look like their mother and other women in their lives who were good to them, as would happen in a strong culture, boys grow up preferring women who look like what the corporations told them a woman should look like. Since these women are few and far between, they seek out mates who look as much like the corporate/media ideal as they can get.
Of course this isn’t true in all cases, because some men did have strong parents and low exposure to corporate programming. However, they will still prefer what whoever else programmed them told them to prefer, in the vast majority of cases.
So the western media in this article is just being used as an example. The U.S. is not the great Satan in this. Every culture has its own standard of beauty that, if one does not conform to it, one is considered either ugly or socially inconvenient or lesser in value, which most guys will interpret psychologically as ugly.
Before you start collecting cats though, there are a couple of things to consider. It’s a big world, and guys’ preferences vary. Also, because perceptions of beauty are based so solidly in templates, one way to get around a cultural shut-out is to fiddle with the dials, and adjust your presentation based on the function that best suits the template you fit within.
Some examples are:
Dark Beauty – You have dark brown hair and brown eyes. Wear your hair in its natural texture, and use products that will make it shine. Use a darker red lipstick. Wear clothing and/or accessories that celebrate cultures where your type of beauty is normal, like Italian, middle eastern, or Asian.
Classic Older Lady – You don’t do trends. You do rich, touchable fabrics. Your hair is short but soft, so if a little kid hugs you all they feel is warm and soft, but strong. You wear a classic perfume that is extremely expensive or out of circulation and has to be mixed at a specialty shop.
Lolita – You might not be a model, but you’re fresh and vibrant. You have poise and manners, but you dress grunge or goth. You wouldn’t dare show cleavage or your midsection, or otherwise oversexualize yourself because your parents wouldn’t let you go out like that…but you do push the limits slightly.
Misplaced Debutante – Your manners are impeccable. Your posture and poise, perfect whether you are playing viola in a concert, or lugging groceries onto the bus. Your clothes were folded well, and if needed ironed before you put them on. You often wear clothes that would need ironing or professional laundering. If you’re a bit chubby or even quite fat, you still don’t wear tents, but you also don’t wear tight clothing that doesn’t fit you. Your hair and nails are neat.
Basically, pick an icon to craft your look around, and your 1-10 raw cultural scale will mean less than your natural beauty to observers. Nothing can actually raise your perceived caste once people know your background, and you may still attract some scum buckets who want to try to take advantage, but in that crowd of men will be more who fit you better.
Being beautiful is basically about accepting who you are, and what you were given by nature, and not screwing it up.
But, you may ask, what if I do have actual defects?
The answer is superior attitude. If you allow your physical defects to make you think that you are worth less, others will agree. If you love yourself, and take care of yourself in spite of your defects, you don’t need others to agree, but some will.
So no matter what you look like, take good care of what you have. Nature favors the strong, so don’t weaken yourself by allowing your confidence to be crushed by other weak people who feel they need to pull you down. Keep your head up.