Six More Facts About Men (21-26)

21.  Anger is a major turn-off for men, almost more than any other emotion.

If a guy stops wanting to have sex with you, it might not be the worn out old saw madonna/whore complex.  He could be angry with you about something that he’s not talking about.

22. Men are hotter than women.

The produce approximately 12% more energy, and have a higher surface temperature. They also begin to sweat at lower temperatures than women. So forgive your partner’s sweating at night, and mangling of the covers. If it’s causing you too much loss of sleep, get separate twin covers so that each of you can cover or uncover for your individual comfort.

More information on men and heat issues.

23.  How well a man handles disagreement is a window into how well he can handle a crisis.

If he gets catty, vindictive and petty when someone disagrees with him, then he is also likely to freak out and be useless when there are bigger problems than someone not sharing his opinions.

24.  Men, regardless of their own personal shortcomings, value personality above looks.

Being pretty will make you more popular, but it will not make you worth more to men than a woman who is kind.  The internet is full of examples of men bragging about their “pump and dumps” of blonde, slim, and other flavors of hot chicks, but nobody brags about purposefully ripping the heart out of a woman who loved them more than her own life, and was faithful to them.  The few times it might be veiled bragging, the guy has to at least claim that she misinterpreted his motives, or stalked him after the breakup.

Being pretty, aside of being a temporary condition for those of us who survive past the age of 50 when we become “handsome” if we’re fortunate and took care of ourselves, only makes you more attractive.  Your real quality is rated not by how many guys you attract, but what kind of guys you allow to get next to you.

25.  A woman’s value to a man depends more on the man’s state of mind than the woman’s quality.

If a man is a cad, then you are worthless to him as anything but a hole or perhaps a provider of attention, no matter how pretty and/or great a person you are.  You can be Miss Whatever-state and shovel poo in an animal shelter in your free time, and it won’t make a player or even a guy who’s not ready for a relationship value you more.

26.  Men resent being approached or pursued by women they consider unattractive.

In Manian, unattractive just means ugly.  Not all guys are as petty about it, but the vast majority resent unattractive women even more than we resent being approached by losers, whatever that means to the individual.  Men are mostly unable to be grateful for a woman’s attention if she is ugly to him unless he is specifically looking for someone he considers defective, in order to exploit her perceived vulnerability.  When he is done using her, he will treat her with the contempt he was bottling up the whole time.

This is one reason why it is vitally important for a woman to allow the man to approach and to take the lead in courtship.  A guy who is interested in getting close to you will not mind the effort involved with taking the lead.  If a guy thinks you’re ugly, he will complain about your standards of behavior being too high, and tell you basically that you shouldn’t expect a guy to go out of his way for (worthless ugly) you.

Also, don’t allow an aggressive initial pursuit to lead you into a “benefit of the doubt” situation.  A guy who cares for you and values you will not leave things to chance or fate, and will be busy building trust with you so long as you are building trust with him.  When you have to wonder if he cares is the day you know he doesn’t.

So be old fashioned.  Don’t ever make the first move or the third.  Make the second, fourth, etc.  Even numbers until enough trust has been built.

…and in platonic social interactions, men still resent “ugly” women they have no chance with.  In fact, they resent you more if they have no chance because most of them believe that the default position women should be is submissive, regardless of her education, social status, or standards.  “Ugly” women not wanting them, or being more socially or professionally dominant, or in any other superior position, makes them feel smaller.  In their minds, we should behave as if we believe as they do in our inherently inferior value.

Not behaving as if you feel that you are inferior, even if you accept that you’re not their cup of tea, drives them up a wall.  They will attack you consistently based on your (irrelevant) looks, even when that is totally not the issue.

In some social situations, you can’t do anything about guys who are overly catty in this way, but in professional situations, you should feel no ethical qualms about taking this sort out before they start to be bad for business.  If someone on your team is hostile to customers, clients, or superiors just because he doesn’t consider them shaggable or sufficiently agreeable to being treated like crap, then fire him.  It will only get worse as he gets more established.

It’s natural for a guy to feel resentment about being pursued by women they consider inferior.  It’s part of the entitlement complex, and it’s not your job to be their therapist, just to keep the peace and get the job done.  The problems arise with those who are openly hostile about it.  Guys who can’t control their resentment enough not to freak out or be obviously catty are as much good to you as a bimbo who thinks the world should revolve around her stitched on aereoli.

About Mamasan

I'm a multifaith spiritual counselor with lots of experience assisting people with improving their relationships. Feel free to comment on the site or contact me if you have an issue you'd rather discuss privately.

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