Unspoken Rule: Fidelity and Respect

No man truly respects a cheater.  By cheater, I don’t mean honestly polygamous men.  I mean men who live a lie to their wives or girlfriends and family, and sneak around for sex.

They will claim to with their mouths, and often cheaters and “players” will try to take others down with them.  They will call a man a wuss if they go out to a strip club, and one declines an “after party”.  Behind their taunts though, is jealousy for the man who is not desperate enough to be line for sloppy tenths, or who has a woman at home who satisfies his soul and body.

There is a double standard in how most view the sexual escapades of single men and women, but committed people are supposed to be faithful to each other.  Whether or not they do it themselves, men consider cheating a dishonorable thing to do.  A man who continually dishonors himself; lowers himself for a paltry reward, is considered weaker than a man who stands by his word.

What this means for women is that a man’s sexual policy is more important than his sexual history.   A cheater in sex is likely to be a cheater in business, among other things.

Many if not most powerful alpha type men have an understanding with their wives or girlfriends, and have no need for deception.  They’re able to do this because their standards are very high, and their primary partner trusts that they will not purposefully or through negligence, bring drama to the family.  Only men with low standards and bad judgement need to be deceitful to their spouses in this.

You may not be explicitly looking for a polyamorous man, and may prefer monogamy, but just in case things don’t work out that way, you’ll do well to be aware of the types of women and relationships your potential partner has pursued in the past.  How many is somewhat important, but how and who is more important.

If your potential partner has slept with many women, but they were all or the vast majority were decent women who he cared for and at least hoped he would have a romantic relationship with, then you can be pretty sure that the worst case would be an affair with a decent woman.  A man’s tastes in women are fairly stable, and if he wasn’t into hoes when he was single, that’s probably not going to change.

If, on the other hand, his confessions of his past include a string of women who used, abused, and mistreated him, beware.  What he’s telling you is that he has bad taste.  Some guys reform if the problem was only availability.  Some cultures and areas have an overabundance of dishonest, whore-like women who believe they’re entitled to exploit men for fun and profit.  You may be the diamond in the pile of broken glass.

However, it’s not a good idea to bank on this even so.  Inquire as to his reactions to being used or mistreated.  If he stayed with these women after the games began, and doesn’t have any stories of vindication, this is a problem.  Each assault to his manhood or crossing of his stated or implied boundaries should have been responded to with decisive cruelty or punishment.

A man who facilitated and tolerated deceptive, exploitive women before you, will continue during and after you.  In case I haven’t said this enough, like goes to like.  So you may think that the pushover who let women walk all over him is the least likely to cheat, but this is not so.  The man least likely to cheat is the one who will not accept less than the best for him.

About Mamasan

I'm a multifaith spiritual counselor with lots of experience assisting people with improving their relationships. Feel free to comment on the site or contact me if you have an issue you'd rather discuss privately.

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