Unspoken Rule: Look Sexy, not Available

Dating a guy with some degree of pull, status, or “street cred” may cause you to feel safer and more confident.  Nobody would blame you for taking those little extra steps to look nice and dress better.  You’re the female representative in his social sphere, and when you look good, it makes him look good.  Problem is, it is possible to look too good but in the bad way.

The men with the highest social status’s wives and girlfriends may wear the most expensive bling, and look as if they never have to walk more than two steps on bare pavement, but unless their partner is there to reap the immediate benefits of their appearance, they are dressed modestly.  The idea is that her sexiness is at his disposal.  If he has no say in her appearance, then he has no say in the consequences.  It is a signal that he has no say in her conduct.

When a man has a woman, this social proof is and should be attractive to other women because he is at little or no physical risk from female attention.  When a woman is taken, the men around her should be warned away from her.  In fact, they should be warned that she is not for sale even before she is taken.  After she is taken, she should look as if she is not available.

What this means exactly, depends on what is customary in one’s culture or subculture, and the man’s personal preferences.  Some can have alot of cleavage and a miniskirt on so long as they are wearing a ring, and other men will stay away.  In some places, that and unavailable behavior will do the job.  Most guys I know who have some “rank” though, would prefer their woman be covered at least from the chest to the knees, meaning no cleavage and no minis.

Unfortunately, many women get into trouble by thinking that how they were dressed when they got the man is how they should dress when they have him.  They also confuse the freedom of nudism with the idea that revealing clothing is okay in normal situations.  It’s not the same thing.

Clothing is a uniform or a costume.  One should dress for the role they intend to play.  Dressing as if you are in the market for easy sex will attract men who are looking for that.  The fact that you have a boyfriend or husband, but are dressed as if you are still looking, makes him look weak.

Your man should not have to tell you this.  Wearing your “taken” costume is something you should do on your own.  If he has had to tell you this, then your relationship is already on borrowed time.  You’re running around acting as if you don’t have a partner, or as if the one you have isn’t good enough.

When you dress nicely but modestly, you increase his social standing or stabilize it rather than reducing it.  You show people that you respect your man, so maybe they should too.  Someone in this world thinks he’s worth being loyal to.

So when you have a boyfriend, suit up.

About Mamasan

I'm a multifaith spiritual counselor with lots of experience assisting people with improving their relationships. Feel free to comment on the site or contact me if you have an issue you'd rather discuss privately.

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