Unspoken Rule: Straight Guys Don’t Do Anal

Well, except under special circumstances, such as their beloved wife asking them for it after performing three soap and water enemas and taking two loperamide, and even then vaginal is preferable.

When guys hear another guy obsessing over buttsecks, a little voice inside their heads is telling them that he’s Gay.  There’s nothing wrong with being Gay, but the dude is running a high risk if he should ever find himself incarcerated with people who know this about him.

Since most guys don’t go to jail for long periods, sending this message may not make them cell wives, but it will earn them some interesting nicknames behind their backs.  Since anal sex has become a staple of porn, most guys wouldn’t call a dude out for this in public.  Almost every one will experiment with it if he gets the opportunity.  It’s just that after doing it once or twice, a straight guy will not want to do that again unless he’s into poo.  Even some Gay guys prefer heroic man love over anal.

Why this rule is unspoken is due to a combination of middle class male peer pressure and feminist ideology.  To say that one hates anal sex, and thinks men who give or receive it past experimentation are Gay paints one as sexually inept and homophobic.   Men are afraid to be honest about their level of disgust for it.

For some, because of their hidden beliefs, there is shame after engaging in it at their partners’ request.  There’s also suspicion that the woman isn’t enjoying it, which is quite often the case.  She feels pressured to copy the porn queens to keep her man, and he feels pressured to copy the studs to keep up with her supposed needs and the other guys who all say that they’ve done it.  So at the end of the night, both have had sex like peer pressured puppets, and neither feels closer.  If they don’t speak honestly, they both feel pressured to repeat the activity, and slowly the guy starts feeling like even more of a “punk”.

So before you break out the KY jelly and prepare yourself to grin and bear it, ask your man how he feels about anal sex in a non pressure situation first.  If he gets a look on how face like he just tasted something bad, and you get the old girlfriend stories of poo, just let that go.

…and if one of his friends’ nicknames is Alfred Sh**cock, the two of you can have fun planning his coming out party.

Breaking the Rules

Now that you know how most men actually feel about it, you know the level of sensitivity you need if you are one of those women who wants or needs this rule broken. Speaking for a friend ::cough:: some women with very well developed pelvic floor muscles may need this direction of internal massage occasionally. It’s nice to have a sensitive partner who can take care of that duty.

1. Remember that it is messy. You need to make sure to irrigate your colon well beforehand. Even so, bear in mind there will still be a bit of stank involved, and maybe some trailing. Keep wet wipes handy.

2. For circumcised men, it may be painful. The problem with a tighter orifice that does not produce its own natural lubrication is that if the man doesn’t have much extra skin, there will be the wrong kind of friction. Don’t rush him if he’s super slow or not penetrating as deeply as usual. He’s trying not to hurt you or himself. Use plenty of lube, and condoms that are large enough to have a bit of overhang at the tip.

3. If he chickens out or stops at some point, do not make fun of him or act too disappointed. It’s just not for him. You wouldn’t want him pressuring you to do things that are uncomfortable for you, so don’t pressure him.

Despite the stereotypes, not every guy is down for everything. Now you know. Go forth and be sensitive.

About Mamasan

I'm a multifaith spiritual counselor with lots of experience assisting people with improving their relationships. Feel free to comment on the site or contact me if you have an issue you'd rather discuss privately.


  1. excuse me, but you are full of shit. you just made this up, right?

    lots of guys are into anal. that’s WHY there is so much of it in porn. because guys keep buying the anal porn. if porn producers thought anal was unpopular, they’d drop it.

  2. I never said that anal sex was unpopular. Many people engage in it, and many who do are technically heterosexual by orientation.

    However, the opinion of most guys who are heterosexual is that anal sex is a Gay and/or gross thing to do. If they had a choice to do it vaginally, orally, or anally, they would pick vaginal or oral over anal. They just don’t tell people that because it is popular.

    Skimpy clothes are popular too, but men think women who wear them are either easy or mercenary.

  3. FYI: Most men adore anal sex. Otherwise, they wouldn’t request it so often.

    Thanks for, once again, proving your cluelessness… you crazy, sex-phobic bitch.

  4. PS Your homophobia is also noted.


  5. First off, you’re dead wrong. The taboo surrounding anal is nearly the only real issue with it. Anal sex for men, even straight men receiving it, can be extreamly pleasurable due to the physical makeup of the male body. Have you ever heard of a prostate? If you’re a dude, do yourself a favor and take your head out of your ass long enough to let your girls stick a dildo in it, if you’re a girl, stop spreading bad vibes based on your own fear of poop and sexuality. Newsflash; the dark ages are over. Just because you’re too uptight (litterally) doesn’t mean the whole universe is.

  6. Again, I didn’t say that it was unpopular. I also didn’t say that it could not be pleasurable. What I am saying, one more time, is that heterosexual guys think it’s Gay to give or receive. If they do it anyway, it’s because they believe that the rewards outweigh the Gayness.

    A woman who sincerely wants anal sex from her man should be mindful that one of his inhibitions might be the Gay factor. You are not going to change his mind about that. It’s best to convince him that it’s something you really really really want than to try to change his whole mentality just so you can get your rocks off.

    I’m talking about how straight men think, not universal existential philosophy.

  7. Dirty Girl, have you ever heard of a term called “selection bias”?

    Just because guys request anal sex a lot from you and your female friends, doesn’t mean it’s at the top of the sexual menu for everyone.

    If you read between the lines, or even the explicit statements of very experienced men, you’ll see that one of the aspects of anal sex that the straight ones who enjoy it above vaginal, like about it basically amounts to the sensation of “punking” a woman. It’s not the actual anal sex that they’re enjoying, but the fact that they are performing what they view as a humiliating act on someone who isn’t committed to them. They get off on the anti reproductive sperm dumping aspect.

    Anal sex can and does happen in loving relationships. There’s an old phrase that love makes us all a little Gay. There is nothing at all wrong with that. It’s just that women should think about why they’re doing what they do, and with who.

  8. You’re delusional. Really. You disgust me too.

  9. Lol, you’re welcome to your opinion. Now would you mind letting other people have opinions as well?

  10. Entitled to option

    Mamasan, you mentioned some interesting ideas but in my opinion I don’t agree with most of what you said. You are missing some basic points about sex acts. Anal sex feels different than vaginal sex for both partners. I could say the same about oral sex, different positions or whatever. Would you say that if I desired oral sex more than vaginal, that I wouldn’t be a 100% straight man? Would that make me damaged? What about women? If they prefer oral sex, or toys would that make them gay? After all, gay women use toys and there mouths for enjoyment. Wouldn’t using birth control or a condom be an “anti reproductive sperm dumping aspect?”

    There is no branding of sexual orientation based on the type of sex acts your prefer with your partner. I’ve had anal sex with women, and as for the humiliation comment, I personally have no enjoyment degrading humiliating a women even if she wanted me to. If the women didn’t enjoy it, I wouldn’t either.

  11. Entitled, this article is not about my personal opinion. It’s about how straight guys *feel* about anal sex. Orientation and even gender itself isn’t truly either-or, and nobody should feel bad about wherever they are in the spectrum. Guys who are closer to the straight end view anal sex kind of the same as a Gay guy views vaginal sex. Yeah, you can fit your penis in there, but why would you?

    I just thought it was time that someone stood up for the straight guys. It’s not something I would bother to write about if enough of them hadn’t told me about their feelings.

  12. I Can Believable

    I just read this and I don’t even know where to start…if a man and a woman engage in anal sex amongst themselves there is absolutely NOTHING gay about that. Period. I am straight, I have no attraction to men at all. I like oral sex, I like vaginal intercourse, I love anal intercourse. And no, it isn’t humiliating or degrading or whatever you want to call it for the woman either. I would not be interested in having anal sex if SHE wasn’t into it herself. My g/f and I both love doing it, we both really enjoy it, does that mean I am a closet homo?

    I think you are confusing sexual identity with fetish quite honestly. If you are straight, you are straight, if you are gay, you are gay, if you are bi, you are bi, that’s how you are born. That does not reflect on the specific activities you engage in with your partner in bed. There are couples who engage in dominance and submission for example. Because a guy or gal likes to have their trusted partner tie them up, or give them a spanking etc. does that make said submissive person a total pushover and weak willed in life? It absolutely does not!

    Seriously, different strokes for different folks is all it is. Anal sex may not be your favorite thing, and it may not be your significant other’s favorite thing, but that doesn’t mean we all think alike. You should see if they have this book at your local library, it’s a good read and might open your eyes to some things. [url]http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Understanding-Human-Sexuality/Janet-Shibley-Hyde/e/9780073382623[url]

  13. “I know all about how MOST men feel because my friends told me!” Take a sociel science research class, THEN make gross generalizations. You know, all women want to get married, have 2.5 children, and iron their husbands shirts every day too. Its true. My friends told me ALL about it. Who cares about the feminist movement? Its about time someone stood up for what women ACTUALLY want…

    Get the point?

  14. I get your point, but it seems that you’re not reading for comprehension. This is about the feelings and opinions of the vast majority of heterosexual guys, not about you or me or social science. The anus is not the preferred orifice for straight men, and most of them would just rather avoid the feces. Straight guys prefer vaginas.

    Guys who do enjoy or prefer anal become overly defensive about this when there is really no need to. I don’t personally care where your orientation lands on the spectrum, and there is a spectrum.

  15. I Can Believable

    Please provide your researched statistics on the sexual preference of straight men on this matter. Just because you say something is so doesnt make it true, if you show me a researched poll I’d be more apt to take what you say seriously.

  16. According to the CDC surveys which cover the U.S. not the whole world, heterosexual people who have even tried anal sex are in the minority. Those who engage in it regularly are even fewer. The report is here:


    Opinions about why this is abound, but one of the standard reasons reported by sex therapists and other counselors is that it’s considered taboo because it’s viewed as a homosexual activity. Another is because it’s painful and damaging with little reward for most women, and it increases the risk of HIV and other STD’s. Most straight guys would just rather not. Outside the U.S. the views on it tend to be even more rigid.

    I know it’s hard for some people to deal with, but it’s the truth.

  17. wowsers, now I can be gay for having sex with a woman.

    thanks for the warning, I will avoid it if possible

  18. Whatever, that would be silly. This article was just about how straight guys generally feel about it, not about logical conclusions. I don’t think most guys who think this way are being rational. Because of the irrational feelings about it, one should probably take care about making people feel pressured into something they’re not into.

    I don’t rationally dislike liver. I just don’t like it. I understand that it is very good for me, and can force myself to eat small quantities. I still don’t like it, and it’s not something I’d volunteer to do on my own.

  19. Great Article!!! I however do not think that I am GAY. But if I were that would be okay too. The thought of me having sex with another gentleman turns me off completely. However, I had entertained the idea before and it was completely short lived.

  20. I used to be into that but my interest in it is fading away. Vagina is soooo much better!

  21. God to many fucking close minded extremist on your page. if they dont like it dont read your. article and move on. i think youre completely right ive lived in many places and had many guy friends tell me they dont prefer anal beacuse they dont want crap on their crotch and true the majority of my friends did think it is kinda gay. they say they wouldnt mind trying it once or twice. but they rather just pound a girls vagina(they like to see facial expressions too apparently). actually a lot them love oral.

  22. Sorry, but any guy who takes more interest in anal sex than regular sex is suspect. I haven’t known many men with healthy sex appetites who have as much sexual self control as women,so if anal sex gets good to them with a woman, I don’t think there’s much to stop them from being having anal sex with a man if the opportunity presents itself and no one they know would ever find out. The oral sex analogy with women just doesn’t work.

  23. lol how the fuck can doing anything with a woman be gay

    you’re a fucking retarded old cunt

  24. Yeah, in WTF’s dreamworld, Gay men never shag or marry women to pass for straight.

  25. hey mamasan, i understand why you think straight men dont like the idea of anal sex, and i believe you that your male friends have told you they dont like anal sex or think its gay, and this may even be true for men over the age of 40. but why do you think men have such an obsession with girls in tight pants/shorts? its because all they can think about when they see a girl with a nice ass showing it off is making sweet passionate love between those cheeks, and what they want to do to her ass(stick in it). now your male friends probably have lied to you about this desire because they know your the close-minded old fashioned type thats stuck in the 1930’s and still thinks anal sex is dirty and ‘untraditional’, but you should really should try to come to terms with reality. anal sex is great alternative to oral and vaginal, and most people like variety.

  26. i am definitely heterosexual, i dont have the same desire to stick my penis in another mans butt because for one, im not attracted to the male body, i like a nice petite, shapely, female body, and second, guys dont have gorgeous round butts like girls do, guys have flat un-shapely butts. (all this besides the fact that i am simply attracted to the female personality, which is very different than a man’s.)

  27. Actually, guys like butts because wide, healthy hips are a sign of fertility and being female, like dainty hands. It’s no more directly related to penetration than guys liking to look at women’s legs, feet, or faces. Some guys who find oral sex uncomfortable, still like to look at a pretty face, even though they don’t fantasize about the woman sucking their penis. It’s not all about the orifices, for straight men. It’s about softness, visible signs of femininity, and stuff to hug, touch, and hold onto.

    Some damaged people of all orientations reduce a body to its orifices, but this isn’t normal or healthy. Some normal/common things are unhealthy, but this isn’t even common.

    I don’t think my male friends are lying to me, as they’d have no reason to. Most of the guys I’ve spoken to who don’t like anal (with women) are open minded, and some very kinky in other ways. One in particular is bisexual, and enjoys anal sex with men, but not with women because he’d rather have vaginal sex with women. He said that he has done it with women he doesn’t feel particularly attached to, partly because it limits his ability to enjoy it, and understands the woman enjoys pain.

    Again, I’m not saying that a man can’t be straight and enjoy anal sex. I’m just saying that it’s not as well liked as people today try to say that it is, and that a woman (this is a site for women) shouldn’t pressure her man into it just for the sake of seeming trendy.

    Most of us (women) really don’t get anything good from it. It can be a nice submissive thing to do, but to be honest, I would rather carve a guy’s name in my arm with a scalpel. The damage I would do to the flesh of my arm is controllable, and not chaotic. I can look at it and see exactly what I’m doing to my skin, and I can put alcohol or other disinfectants on it.

    Anal sex can cause all kinds of problems that Gay men are well versed in dealing with. Straight men and women tend not to be as educated about it, and don’t know what they’re doing. Even when they do, stuff still happens. Guys who love women, and even some guys who love guys think about the damage they could do to their partner, and take it into account.

    I understand love and responsibility aren’t trendy anymore, but despite the media hype, most people do care about their partners and their partners’ pleasure. So this factors into their opinions about certain styles of lovemaking.

    So don’t freak out. I catch ten times the hell about flogging or cutting than most of you have about anal sex. It’s just that it’s not an unspoken rule that cutting is considered freaky, so nobody needs to make an actual post about it.

    If it would make you feel better, I could do that though.

    Unspoken Rule: Blood Play is Sick

  28. TL:DR

    [Mod: If you can’t be arsed to read, then don’t comment.]

  29. I’m a straight man, and I love anal play. The anus has many nerve endings that provide pleasure, and stimulation during sex. The man’s prostate can also be stimulated by anal sex providing some of the best orgasm’s a man can ever experience. This whole article is filed with rumors, and misconceptions, and should be disregarded. If you are enjoying anal sex right now, keep enjoying, and if your curious read up on a respectable website, and have fun. Because sex is fun.

  30. Doug, one more time…

    I never said that anal sex was wrong. It’s just that it’s not something most men enjoy with women because most men can’t get over the pain and the poop factor. Most guys would rather have vaginal sex with women, and consider obsession with anal sex to be Gay regardless of whether the guy does it with women or men. The implication is that a guy who would rather screw someone in the butt has something against vaginas, and not liking vaginas is viewed as Gay.

    So just because it’s trendy doesn’t mean anybody should feel pressure to do it if it’s not something they really enjoy.

  31. The ignorance of this article is amazing so im not going to waste more than a few seconds, but the author of this article is making the mistake of correlating anal stimulation/preference and sexual orientation. I would suggest he/she educate themselves and try again. Unfortunately the internet comes with its pros and cons, and one of the obvious cons is that ignorance can be spread at a much greater velocity which, in turn, infects the simple minded, like the author for example. That’s all im going to say, and I wont be returning as I generally don’t give people of this calibur (the author) any of my time, so he/she does not need to waste their own time (as I have just wasted mine) trying to come up with a witty retort, for I will not be returning to this website, and they will be arguing with thin air.

    I have to deal with ignorance everyday, and although I know that the author is of low-intelligence and uneducated and thus unwilling (and more so, unable) to change, Im hoping people the other people who read this will understand that the author of this blog is not of the intellect to be sharingg information.

    To sum it up, anal sex and sexual orientation are not correlated, end of story.

    I have enjoyed anal with plenty of girls, and will continue to as everyone should. The taboo is being erased, but every now and then you will find these people who can’t catch up to the times (the author), this si due to low intelligence capacity, low education, and good old fashioned ignorance. All of these things go hand in hand.

    I beg readers who are attempting to learn about this subject to continue their research. Read closely and the low intellect of the author is blatantly obvious.

  32. I also apologize for my spelling and grammar mistake, as Im sure this will be the one of the first ways the author will attempt to attack this and tarnish my credibility. Im at work, got to do these things quick!


  33. Steve, I’m not a grammar nazi, but I am pretty picky about people actually reading an article before commenting.

    If you did, you’d realize that this isn’t about my opinion. It’s about the opinions of most guys I’ve encountered and spoken to about the issue, as well as the general feedback I’ve gotten on open forums.

    Your kneejerk reaction is one reason many guys don’t speak up about their feelings. People like yourself call them ignorant, repressed, and basically insult them because they don’t like to give or receive anal sex. You even insult people who speak on their behalf.

    Wake up. You’re the one acting like a jerk socially pressuring people into activities they don’t want to engage in, and trying to shout them down into silence if they express a dissenting opinion.

    • Love and sex are personal matters that involve personal preferences. It is not for anyone to say what is right ir wrong if both parties are happy.
      Did you ever consider that your preferences and how you behaved toward the subject was influencing the responses you received? Its basic psycholoy.

  34. The only thing i agree with in this entire article is the fact that you should talk to your partner and see if this is something they want to do. I agree that if someone is not really interested in it you should not pressure them into it. That being said theres not much else i agreee with in this article.

    “When guys hear another guy obsessing over buttsecks, a little voice inside their heads is telling them that he’s Gay.” First of all there is a difference between obsessing over anal sex and enjoying it. If you can’t see the difference I can’t really help you there. I have had many straight friends that have talked to me about enjoying anal sex with their girlfriends and I have never once thought that they had any kind of homosexual tendencies because of this.

    “So at the end of the night, both have had sex like peer pressured puppets, and neither feels closer.” This is where you lost all credibility to me. I have had anal sex with my girlfriend, and the fact that she trusts me and I trust her enough to do that together, in my mind, did bring us closer together. In the situation you described, where neither person really wanted to have anal sex, I can understand how it wouldn’t bring them closer but don’t try and make it seem like that’s always going to be the case.

    “This is about the feelings and opinions of the vast majority of heterosexual guys” You do not know the feelings and opinions of the vast majority of heterosexual guys. Don’t try and make it seem like a universal fact. The way I look at it you should be honest and talk to the person your with about whether or not you want to have anal sex and go from there. What it seems like your trying to tell women is don’t have anal sex because your man doesn’t really want to anyways.

  35. Andy, you’re welcome to disagree, but I don’t believe that there is some kind of conspiracy to make guys *less* desirous of anal sex. The porn industry proves otherwise. So if most guys surveyed as well as most guys who people in the social science and sexuality field have encountered are saying “meh” then I’m inclined to believe that the general feeling for anal sex among heterosexual men is “meh”.

    You’re welcome to believe otherwise. Some people believed Ronald Regan was the antichrist, and that everyone is born heterosexual.

  36. I think most guys are worried about the stigma attached to it and don’t want to discuss anal sex because it is still considered taboo. The stigma is still present in our society even though it is starting to fade. I will admit I do prefer vaginal and oral sex but anal sex is still fun. I feel like you are trying to discourage people from having anal sex.

  37. Andy, I’m not trying to discourage anyone from doing anything they actually enjoy. What I’m discouraging is doing things they don’t enjoy because they think someone else will…and before you say it doesn’t happen, consider how many women have pre-commitment sex because they think it’ll make a guy love them more.

    If a guy doesn’t love you, having sex with him won’t make it happen. In fact, it’ll make it less likely to happen because then he thinks you’re stupid.

    If someone loves you then they don’t want to harm you. Anal sex hurts and can mess up your body if you’re not very relaxed and into it, and even if you are if it’s done often enough. It’s not something a woman should feel pressured to do unless she really really wants that.

  38. Homosexuality is an attraction to members of the same gender. Please show me how a man wanting to have anal sex with a woman implies that the man is gay. I don’t want to hear your bullshit about he/she thinks its gay, because that is just straight up wrong. Sexual acts do not define sexual orientation.

  39. Steve, I had the very same question of the straight guys I spoke to on the subject. My argument is not that anal sex is Gay. It’s that most straight guys seem to consider it a homosexual, perverted, or unpleasant act. So maybe you should, in a non judgemental way, ask more straight guys about it. Then you’ll be as surprised as I was, but you’ll know what I do.

  40. First, you say throughout your article that you are not saying that anal sex is gay, just that most straight men think it is a homosexual act. However, the title of your article “Unspoken Rule: Straight Guys Don’t Do Anal,” implies the exact opposite of the claims you have made in the comments. You need to decide where you stand; either straight guys don’t do anal or anal sex isn’t gay, its just frowned upon. I find it hard to trust a source that can’t even support the title of her own article.

    Second, the title of your article is an opinionated one, which is a clear indicator that the material in the article will be biased towards your own opinion. The lack of facts in this article would get you a failing grade at any competent university because you support your thesis with “my friends think.” Give me some facts outside of what your friends think if you want to establish some credibility.

    Third, you say over and over that this is the opinion of most straight men. However, almost 100% of the comments have argued with your claims and it seems that most of the comments have been from males. Although, I will not say that this is a fact because it is based on an assumption that I cannot be sure of and, unlike you, I do not use assumptions to support my argument. If so many men, enough to be considered the general opinion of the entire male population, have told you that they think anal sex is homosexual then why aren’t they supporting you? The comments section is everyone arguing that you are wrong. Where is your support? I’ll tell you, most of your “friends” opinions is not a large enough sample (sample – a subset of population used in calculating statistics) is not large enough to be an accurate representation of the population as a whole.

    Advice: Take a class or two and learn how to create a thesis, then support that thesis throughout the text with facts. Do not say “I think” or “my friends” think because, honestly, no one gives a shit what you and your friends think. You want to make a point, give us facts, not opinions.

  41. Really, this is an article, not an academic paper. Besides, I wasn’t aware that the measure of truth was whether or not it was popular or didn’t offend anyone. This must be something new.

  42. It doesn’t matter if it’s an article. The same principles apply for establishing credibility, even in a speech. And yes the popularity does matter when you say it is the overall opinion of the straight male population, yet it is only based on what your friends have told you. Therefore you are making a generalization of the popularity of this claim based on only what your friends have told you. Last time I checked a couple of friends are not a good representation of the male population. You cannot say that MOST straight guys think something based on what your friends say. So, like I said, learn how to argue a point with facts and not just some random bullshit.

  43. [sssnip]

    Mamasan: It reads the post before it comments, and it does not call the webmatron names.

  44. Really, I already posted the statistics. It’s not something most men would engage in or seek out. So take it up with the CDC and other agencies.

    Now, I don’t personally believe every statistic I see pans out in real life. So I actually ask people. Being in the kinky community myself, I’ve seen a lot, and nobody would have any reason to lie to me about their preferences or orientation.

    Both the statistics and my real life experience with guys who obsess over anal, and the opinions I’ve heard from guys who don’t, happen to agree in this instance.

    …and I personally never met a guy who liked to give often, who either didn’t like to receive, or who wasn’t bisexual and out to at least me.

  45. Where the F–K do people get these rules. My husband and I do anal alot and I mean alot. We’ve always did what’s good for the goose is good for the gander! and you can guesse what that would lead to. Yes he loves to…, and because of “our rule” I get to do him! But because he was willing to try something different he certainly came out a head. No pun intended! He actually enjoys when I penetrate him like a man would a women. His ankle on my shoulder…,yes we’ve progressed that far, and he tells me he gets the most powerful orgasm ever!
    Other things we’ve tried was…you guessed it Snowballing! same deal. If i swallow why not him. Of course All men want the three some GGF. I said fine. Well he drew the line there… Although he would consider performing oral with me on a guy, he does’t want a guy to be there! make sense? I thought he was trying finese himself out of it , but no. He said it would be a turn on, he just could’t handle being with a man. he suggested a glory hole type set up or the guy wearing a full body suit with the penise exposed only.
    I’ve tease him in the past about him being feminine…, a nice way to put it. He tells me.it’s just sex!

  46. lol; women writing about what men really think–and vice versa–is an interesting affair. Those of you writing nasty comments might take a step back and relax.
    However, those who insist on taking this seriously might take comfort in the fact that straight men in real life don’t find hetero anal sex to be gay. Otherwise, they would also find hand jobs and oral sex to be gay.
    In reality, men who associate non-homosexual acts with being gay (and avoid or disparage those acts for that reason) are typically homophobic to some degree, and hence are mostly closeted homosexuals (as the majority of homophobes are).
    Of course, that’s not to deny the fact that many hetero men claim to dislike anal for one reason or another. Probably the most common reason is outside pressure – at least here in the Puritan US, most children grow up with a negative view of sex in general, and a VERY negative view of deviation. “Deviation,” in this case, being any form of sex that isn’t a man penetrating a woman’s vagina. Many outgrow this sense of guilt/shame/negativity, but many carry it well into adulthood. Even men who are excited by the thought of anal can feel uncomfortable admitting it to anyone else (as studies suggest).

    Mamasan seemingly wrote this with a glint in her eye and a grin on her face, to see who would notice the irony and who wouldn’t. Those of you who posted rude attack comments apparently didn’t get it. If you’re the type of guy who considers any consensual hetero sex act to be “gay,” then you are statistically very likely to be gay yourself (albeit closeted).
    Of course, I could be off base about the article, since I think it mainly targets female readers – thus, the motivation behind it might be obscured to us males. But, whether intended or not, I still thought the irony was good. =)

  47. Thank you, Robert, for getting it.

    Orientation varies from person to person, but someone knows which gender they prefer, if they have a preference. Whatever happens, if a guy would rather be doing it with a gal, then he’s straight. He could have sex with men as much as he wants, and still be straight.

    So having any kind of sex with a woman isn’t really a Gay act if the guy’s not Gay. It’s just the *opinion* of many guys that anal sex is Gay. I personally think what they really mean to say is that it doesn’t appeal to them, but feel some kind of pressure to come up with a reason, since it’s popular.

    My objective was to push back against the popularity contest aspect of it, not to say that anal sex makes you Gay. At the same, a guy who is Gay or Bi should not feel ashamed about that either. Going even further, sometimes people end up in love with someone who isn’t their usual preferred gender, partly because gender itself isn’t always either-or. Sometimes, in a culturally diverse place, roles are even kind of relative to who you manage to bond with.

    A couple of years ago, I had a great male lover with whom I was usually “the man”. We didn’t plan it that way or speak anything to that effect. We just did what felt right. He’s even bigger and stronger and much, much hairier than me. He could be one of those male “bear” models.

    Unfortunately though, external pressure convinced him that our relationship was “unhealthy” as he put it. He later wanted to come back, but because of the things he said, and the fact that he was still unwilling to take the relationship to the next level and be a real boyfriend instead of just my bitch, I had to decline. That bridge was burnt.

    So it was being on the *wrong* end of this rather common opinion that led me to ask the questions, and ultimately make this post. On the one hand, I wanted to stand up for the guys who felt pressured to do it, and on the other, I wanted to make people aware that this opinion is out there so they can prepare themselves if they ever go through what I did.

    If I hadn’t been so sheltered in my way, as a “freak”, maybe I could have headed off some of these issues in my relationship. Maybe I’d have recognized his confusion, and not gotten involved with him in the first place. Either way, I’d have been more prepared for whatever happened.

  48. I’m sorry but this is idiotic. I have never met a man who ISN’T into anal sex with a hot woman.

    And there is nothing gay about anal sex unless you’re having it with a DUDE.

    Are you guys kidding me with this? I can’t imagine if a man turned me down for one of my favorite things to do *in bed*!

  49. Irony or not, when you write something like this and stand by it, it’s a clue:

    You live in a Kristevan delusion.

    I can assure you, even amidst all of your reassurances to the contrary, most men – whether they like anal or not – do not believe or feel anal sex is a gay act.

    But attempting to assert that idea, even though it is very wrong, isn’t why I think you live in a delusion. It is the way you jump from that premise to the conclusion if a guy loves anal, then he must be gay and therefore we should plan his “coming-out party.”

    You’re simply wrong, and you need to admit that. You are avoiding admitting by deferring any criticism to a re-explanation of what you really meant. That re-explanation still asserts something very far from the truth, and with each comment posted you seem to weaken that assertion bit by bit, until it becomes some piece of ironic writing after Robert’s suggestion.

    You either meant to make those very illogical, inaccurate, and downright wrong premises and conclusions, or you didn’t. If you didn’t mean to make them seriously or factually – as in the case of some sort of irony – then you lack proper clarity with your writing, as evidenced by everyone who didn’t “get it.”

    If this is the case, then you need to admit your article was poorly written in this regard, and then work to do better in the future. If your intention was to simply share an opinion, rather than assert fact, then you did not properly express what you were writing as merely opinion. Again, this indicates you made a mistake, you need to admit it, and then work to do better in the future.

    If you, however, did mean to make those premises and conclusions seriously or factually, then you were simply wrong. It’s okay to be wrong, or to have been wrong, and the best thing you can do in this case is to admit you were wrong, accept it, and learn from it.

    If, however, you simply stand by what you wrote, when obviously there are some very big problems with it, then you are unwilling to admit your faults and shortcomings, either as a writer, a person, or both – and this is very weak.

    From my experience (this clarifies opinion), a person who is not willing to admit when they are wrong is a person who learns very little from their experiences. A person who learns very little from their experiences is a person who practically never changes. A person who never changes will practically never grow.

    Again, from my experience, life is about learning, changing and growing, and to not do these things is to live life without experiencing the essence of it. If one lives life without experiencing the essence of life, then they might as well be dead.

    So if you are simply unwilling to admit fault, learn from it, and grow and change as just a writer, then you might as well stop writing.

    If, however, this is the way you are in all parts of your life, then the issue is much more serious.

    The alternative is admitting your faults, wrongs, and shortcomings – either as a writer, person, or both – and I promise you, it really isn’t that bad. It’s okay to be wrong. It is what creates the most pleasant opportunities in the long run.

    But again, that’s just my experience.

  50. The Man, what I’ve been told by most men I’ve spoken to on the subject is that they consider anal sex a homosexual act, but often don’t say so because they don’t want to seem homophobic, repressed, or politically incorrect. They have no reason to lie to me about their feelings.

    Something to keep in mind is that I live in an ethnically diverse area with men from just about everywhere. If you’re only discussing it with an ethnically limited group of people who tend to watch a lot of porn, and the only other information you get about it is filtered by the western media, it would explain your unawareness of other perspectives.

    Most White American men who aren’t southern who I’ve spoken to about it do not consider it a homosexual act, just kinky. Guys from almost everywhere else consider it either disgusting because that’s where poop comes from, or homosexual and therefore not the preferred thing to do with women.

    Again, this is not about my personal feelings on the matter. It’s about men’s opinions. So you don’t agree. Good for you. You can save the smarmy, thinly veiled insults for someone looking for mother in law roleplay.

  51. “If you’re a dude, do yourself a favor and take your head out of your ass long enough to let your girls stick a dildo in it…”

    Uh….no. For one thing, a man’s body was designed to do the penetrating,not be penetrated, and for another,I don’t particularly feel the urge to have a penis-shaped object inserted into my anus,because I’m not into other men.

    I’m glad it works for you, Liberace, but I think there’s something wrong with any man who wants to have a woman put a plastic penis in his butt.

  52. This is all I have to say:

    Most guys go “Eeeeew stop it!” when a girl says “I have to poop.” (I’m in theater, and the girls there are completely unashamed of speaking about their bodily functions :p)

    So… explain?

  53. You really did just make this up! Most guys long for anal, and push it with chicks. I get it about 40% of the time (40% of women). And often it’s anal cherry! Love it.

    Finding anally orgasmic women is one of my favorite things.

  54. The whole notion that a guy who likes anal with women is somehow gay is just total rubbish. I’ve had quite a few women who love anal and I love giving it to them if they like it. Never been interested in guys at all. Its all because gay guys do anal on each other……….but gay guys also suck each others cocks………so if a guy wants head from a woman he is gay is he? Or even hand jobs………….so anything that gay guys do…………is off the menu with women………..hey………that leaves………..nothing.

    Being gay is about having a preference for men……………a gay guy wouldn’t even be attracted to banging a womens arse……….or any other body part on a woman……..because they are not sexually attracted to women. So to say a guy that wants anal from women is gay is just so much rubbish…….he wouldn’t even be interested in the woman at all

  55. I know why the author bothered to write such ridiculous tripe…

    1. Had a boyfriend
    2. He wanted to have anal sex with her
    3. She didn’t want to
    4. He left her
    5. She decided he was “Gay”

    the end

  56. Knows why, scroll up. I was the one doing him. He left (though later crawled back) because he felt our relationship was “unhealthy”.

  57. This is bullshit.

    There are many guys who love anal. I would say almost all men would try it if they were with a partner that would be willing. The appeal I think, as had been mentioned, is that it is taboo, it feels good and is just an extra thing to do. Also, women can have huge orgasms from anal.

    Saying a guy liking anal sex with women makes him in anyway gay.. you may as well say that guys liking womens legs is gay, cos guys have legs, or guys that like kissing women are gay, cos guys have tongues and lips. I have never heard any guy give the opinion that you claim most guys feel. Not one. You have tried to push it again and again, depsite almost every male commenter disagreeing with you.

    I have no problem with gays, but what you’re saying is stupid. The female asshole is usually different than the male. Female holes just look prettier. Also, female buttocks are more rounded and cushier. Plus there is a vagina nearby, not a penis. The feminine – hairless – look of a female asshole, the rounded buttocks and being able to look/play with the vagina are the things most straight guys like about anal sex – in other words the thing that turns them on is the femininity of their partner.

    The only guys who would worry about any sexual act with a women ‘making them gay’ are insecure teenagers who haven’t learnt anything about sex yet. If that’s who you mean by ‘most guys’ then sure.
    If you don’t like the idea of anal sex then fine, but please don’t spread lies about the preferences of an entire gender you obviously know very little about.

  58. Anti-Authoritarian

    It’s interesting how those who are ideologically and/or politically opposed to hetero anal sex will often crusade against it by assigning tenuous negative characteristic traits to those who enjoy it, or pulling ‘medical’ scare-tactic factoids from thin air in hopes of frightening others toward their narrow minded sexual judgments.

    Which is to say, it seems that there’s an overzealous minority percentage of those who, for whatever subjective (authoritarian) and/or cultural (conditioning) reasons are opposed to it, seek to impose their view by attempting to ensure as many others as possible adhere to their perception of what anal intercourse symbolizes or represents to them personally – and that, in and of itself is oddly revealing since we’re dealing with a sexual expression that they’re adamantly against, yet spend inordinate amounts of their energies worrying about.

    I know a few men and several women who love anal sex – request it, seek it out when dating, orgasm wildly from it, and like everyone else, have good and bad aspects to their relationships. That people prefer including anal sex as a part of their sexual lives doesn’t infer anything negative or positive either way. Just is.

  59. I love anal with guys not girls! YUCK

  60. in germany we have a saying under men wich says: youre only gay if you let yourself get fucked in the ass

    so what the fuck is so gay about analsex as long as you don’t have the dick in your ass? youre so dumb. talking about this as a girl is like a man talking about the period. youre not inte it so stop talking bullshit

  61. Anal is ok, but with girls only. Anyway nice and funny post 🙂

  62. there are some interesting points and opinions included within this page,
    however hate is hate whether it be delivered with violence or a smile,
    I was not aware that the group holding by far the greatest level of power in the world
    (heterosexual men) required a champion to defend them from society “forcing” them to have anal sex?
    most countries(with the exception of 4) within africa,have within their legal systems laws which criminalize anal sex between men and indeed all “gay”sexual acts, penalties ranging from 2 years hard labour to Death(state sanctioned murder)… there are laws which prohibit heterosexuals from anal sex,however the convictions are mostly directed towards men who have anal sex with men, I presume these laws are made,maintained by (some)heterosexual,mainly men and tolerated by most heterosexuals,here in europe & america most acts of violence,control against “gay” people are tolerated by most heterosexuals…so Your energy and effort to “defend”the group with most power & a greater tendency towards violence…:D
    I don’t think its simply hate (however softly spoken that hate be)which motivates your energy,however its seems a part off it.

  63. Here are just a few reasons why you shouldn’t take it up the arse.  

    1. The actual muscles responsible for holding the rectum in place are surprisingly NOT that strong, these muscles will progressively weaken over time regardless of if anal sex happens but anal sex will SPEED up this process.

    2. There is a medical condition known as rectal prolapse (or pink sock to some) that is caused directly from the act of anal sex, it actually tears the inner rectal walls of the rectum and cause them to become weaker, over time its likely that they will become so damaged that it will not be able to hold itself in and the walls of your rectal path will actually collapse in on itself protruding OUTSIDE the body resembling the appearance and size of a pink sock.

    3. There is also a risk of causing small tears to the inner rectal walls which can be highly hazerdous and potenially quite dangerous, unlike the vagina, the anus is not lubricated and therefore friction can be a problem. You need to be really careful with that area because small tears in there although small can still easily become infected. All it takes is a little fecal matter to seep into the wounds and you could have yourself a SERIOUS infection.

    4. There is a risk of anal leakage, through use over time. The anal muscles will weaken and your bowls will not be able to hold thereselves in. 

    5. Once weakened, you will have no choice but to go forward for surgery to smallen the gape. 

    6. Continuous of anal intercourse could also  go on to cause a prolapse

    7. It also heightens the chances of anal cancer.

    And before you comment please note, I am  not homophobic, or overly sexually conservative. I just have respect for people I love and do not want to give them a serious medical condition, or kill them.

  64. This woman needs stop writing on the internet! My wife of 5 years at the age of 21 when we first started dating specifically asked me to take her anally while in the porn section in a rental store.

    I really didnt like it previously but after I found a woman that really enjoyed this I came to enjoy doing it to her it alot to the point were I love her little pink ass hole.

    The deranged women that wrote this has some hang ups she needs to seriously work out. Question? Can you please try harder next time you type. Pretty please?

    Never had a gay thought. Im only down with the girl brown!!

    • Note to readers:
      1. She brings it up in the porn section.
      2. He focuses on how much he likes it (not thinking that maybe she likes it more emotionally/psychologically than physically).
      3. He has to insult me despite the fact that what I\’m saying is not that I personally have a problem with guys liking anal sex or even being Gay. I\’m saying that most guys think it\’s a Gay thing or are disgusted with the idea of poo on their penis.
      4. All this does however give me some sick hope that maybe we can successfully mainstream bloodplay.

  65. No, as a man, an ex-marine and a goldens glove boxer who is 100% hetero, I’m just not into fudge packing either way. I do actually think guys who are into it are kind of gay and usually into homo erotica and gladiator movies. If I wanted to give anal, I’d switch teams. Poop on my rod or seeping into my p-hole is disgusting. I think its guys with issues and maybe control or dominance issues who are into butt-holes. If you like the tight sphinxter fit, than maybe you have size or ability issues. Yes some women may get into , I guess, but I’m willing to bet they have issues or are with or have been with a bunch of punk ass tools. As far as the guy with pleasure up your bum crap, a finger maybe while receiving other pleasures, a dildo, ummm sorry GAY , GAY , GAY. I have a a few prostate exams and a scope up it, painful, right then and there I knew I could never make it as a but hole lovin gay man. Rather have OC Pepper spray and tasered. Though if I was given an injection of Loasepam or valium then maybe different story. I also feelno matter what you should be man enough and unselfish enough to at least ask her prefrence and views on it. Again her but is not that much different than yours. Semper Fi

  66. how could you be gay if your woman does anal for you wen i think most men and women love it up the ass most men that have girl friends do it up the ass dont mean there gay most man just keep it to them self and dont say

  67. Just one question. Why is everyone so defensive?
    Mamasan just shared her opinion, respectfully. If you don’t agree, you automatically become disgusted?

    If Mamasan is disgusting, then what does that make murderers, rapists, despots…?

    Wow, people getting worked up over nothing.

  68. Well personally, I think it is like sticking someone’s dick in a septic tank. Bacteria and all kinds of stuff that can cause vaginosis, gardnerella and a host of other filthy diseases is just a good reason not to put it in the poop shoot. Not to mention another thing doctors will tell you, and that is that it destroys your sphincter so that you will have skid marks in your underwear and/or thong the rest of your life. It is not sexy and it’s very smelly. But if one is up to taking penicillin like vitamins, and doesn’t mind foul smelling discharge and turd marks and think that is kind of sexy…go for it. I don’t call it gay, just dirty. Oh and by the way, I have gay friends who do not have anal sex as not all gay men are into that sort of shit. No pun intended.

  69. Any guy that want to do anal is gay!!!!!!! F@k u bag out gay guys and u wanna fuck a womans arse it’s repulsive seriously!!! And any girl that wants it is a discusting slut why the fuk would u want a dick up ur arse seriously u dirty c*nt!!!!!!!!??????

  70. A ltlite rationality lifts the quality of the debate here. Thanks for contributing!

  71. How can you judge what heterosexual men feel? There are a few things you should take into consideration… First of all, you aren’t even a guy, therefore you are losing credibility since you can’t speak from experience. On top of that, you include no statistics. All you say is “vast majority”, “most”, etc. Have you surveyed random men or are you just speaking from your own social circle(which has the potential to be mainly conservative)? Without establishing credibility or using statistics, this just sounds like bullshit than someone came up with to go along with their own personal feelings. You can’t claim this isn’t how you feel when you speak using opinionated statements and have zero facts.

    Food for thought.

  72. Hahah, Mamason props to you.


  73. I totally agree with Mamasan, As a straight man, I don’t feel comfortable with the idea of sticking my dick in anybody’s butt either male or female, let alone try it! So fucking disgusting! To many homos and perverts on this page! Go to hell! Leave Mamasan alone!!

  74. You are either crazy or just very very foolishly wrong.

    The statement “However, the opinion of most guys who are heterosexual is that anal sex is a Gay and/or gross thing to do.” is ridiculous, unless you have some actual survey data.

    MOST men? Get serious.

    In my small experience, most straight men I have talked to love anal sex and want it from women as much as possible. There’s nothing remotely gay about this.

    If your “anal = GAY” argument was close to true, you could say the same about oral sex. Are men who like oral sex from women secretly gay in your world?

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