Men, Be Careful Out There

tornLots of great information is out there for women on how to avoid jerks and psycho men, but there’s very little for men on how to avoid psycho women.  What there is, is usually glossed over, and way too much is blamed on women’s hormones.  Being on one’s period or having post partum depression might make someone a little edgy and unpleasant, but with very few exceptions, it takes real mental illness or cold bloodedness to make a mom kill her kids.  As with the male variety of nutbars, in most cases, there was plenty of warning these women were off their rocker or capable of severe crimes against defenseless victims.

About 200 women kill their children in the U.S. every year.  Vastly more others criminally abuse or neglect their children.  Sometimes the male partner is complicit, but often he isn’t, and it comes as a suprise.  This is because men are simply not informed of the dangers or how to spot them at the dating stage.  Men need to know the warning signs that are particular to female abusers.

Here are some risk factors that alone, may not mean much, but if there are too many, be very careful.

1.  She is dependent on any legal or illegal mood altering drugs.

Whether it’s Prozac, alcohol, or meth amphetamine, dependency on a drug means withdrawal symptoms when she doesn’t get them.  The drugs’ mood altering effects are different for every person, and where a bit of vodka may be just what one stressed out mom needs on the weekend, it could lead another to a binge session that could end up with your kid being shaken to death.

If you find out your girlfriend is on antidepressants, find out what and why.  Find out as much as you can about the drugs she’s on.  If you met her drunk at a club, find out how often she gets drunk, and what kind of drinker she is.  If she smokes grass, find out if it makes her apathetic and neglectful of herself and her house.  Don’t be afraid of being perceived as judgmental.  If she gets angry and leaves you for showing concern about the mental state of the possible future mother of your kids, then good riddance.

2.  She is religious to the point of  being obsessed with hell, or does not feel sadness for children who are killed.

Most people of Judaic origined faiths, and some of African religions believe in a hell.  Different sects and individuals have different beliefs about what hell is, and how someone can go there.  Most however, believe that children and those who don’t know how to lead whatever they view as a righteous life, are exempt from eternal damnation.  If your girlfriend makes comments, when children are killed in wars or by terrorists, that this is okay because they’re in a better place, watch out.  A woman should feel such things are a tragedy, regardless of where the kids go after death.

3.  She has strong feelings of insecurity and powerlessness.

I’m not talking “does this dress make me look fat”.  I’m talking external locus of control where she feels like she has no control over anything that happens to her or anything she does.  Something or someone else is always to blame for her problems, and she believes the world is against her.

4.  She is controlling, domineering, and abusive towards others who have done nothing wrong to her, especially you.

If she abuses you physically or emotionally, there is a good chance that she will abuse your kids.

5.  She constantly compares herself to, and competes with others about ridiculous things, then punishes herself or others for not conforming or being better than others.

She doesn’t feel that she measures up, and you don’t measure up, so what’s going to happen when the kids don’t?  She’s going to punish them.

6.  She has a history of bullying classmates, coworkers, parents, siblings, or people in her care.

If you catch her disrespecting others, then when you or your kids displease her, it’ll be your and their turn.

7.  She breaks things that are precious to you when she’s angry.

This is abuse by proxy.  It is a warning sign that when she has a problem with you, she will break your most precious “things”: your kids.

8.  She attempts to isolate you.

Even if your relationship with some relative or friend is pretty rocky, someone who may someday become a part of your family wants peace with them.  If they discourage you from trying to patch things up or at least have peace, be careful.  If they never have anything good to say about your peeps and try to keep you away from them, be very very careful.

9.  She admits to being bipolar or having borderline, narcissistic, or antisocial personality disorder.

Take her word for it, and run the other direction.  If she is telling the truth, you as a layperson are not equipped to handle it.  You are volunteering for a world of pain.  If she is lying, then it is part of a “damsel in distress” routine designed to get you to forgive her crazy behavior.  Anytime she does something wrong, her excuse will be that she is sick and you should let it slide.

Since it has hit the mainstream and is yet another thing some feminists will blame on men, one simple test to spot a narcissist is to simply ask them if they are a narcissist.  Nowadays, many wear this like a badge.

There are currently no treatments that truly cure people with these problems.  A person has to want to change and not make excuses for their behavior.  They will still be messed up, but they will learn to control outbursts.

If you are already involved with one, and they are actively changing, it may be worth it to stay if you are certain you and your kids are not in danger, but if you are not, then don’t get into such a relationship.

These are just some of the things to be wary of in potential girlfriends.  When you meet a girl, try to look at her from a child’s point of view.  She may seem harmless to you because you’re a grown man, but imagine you’re a tiny 2 year old boy who just accidentally pooped on the carpet because you were enjoying a commando moment.

…and if you’re not sure what her reaction would be, wear a condom.

About Mamasan

I'm a multifaith spiritual counselor with lots of experience assisting people with improving their relationships. Feel free to comment on the site or contact me if you have an issue you'd rather discuss privately.

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