One of the unfortunate consequences of the cougar trend is that now older women are treated like ugly girls. Rather than being viewed as examples, elders, or even forbidden fruit or “rare burds” when we age well, guys in their 20’s now believe that most of us are desperate for their attention.
Aside of being inaccurate Hollywoodian hype, it leads to a delay in the transition during which we’re socially allowed to decisively reject them without being perceived as unduly bitchy. We’re expected to be gentler with them than our mothers would have been with what they would perceive as perverts. It’s now supposedly not deviant to “bang” older women for casual sex purposes, while hoping to someday catch the unicorn-I-mean 10 with a great personality.
Many of us have been there…over 35, and face to face with a 20-something kid with a boner in the grocery store, at a pub, or elsewhere minding our own business. Then figuring out at some point during the conversation that we’re being flirted with, or worse, insulted because we’ve inadvertently said something that the guy received as some kind of sexual rejection.
A few of us even still get cat calls on the street, felt up “accidentally”, approached explicitly or experience other things that are supposed to stop happening when you’re showing clear signs of aging. You might think the world has gone mad, and it has. Now I’ll tell you how not to go mad along with it.
First off, you have to not believe the hype yourself. Although there are some successful older woman/younger man age gap relationships, this is extremely exceptional. It’s unusual for a guy to be legitimately interested in a long term relationship with a woman merely a year or two older than him. More than 5 years older is very rare. More than 10 years, and it’s bordering on mommy issues territory. It’s so unusual that at least once you’re over 30, you should not be considering anyone younger than you at all, under normal circumstances.
If you encounter a guy who prefers older women, be as careful as you’d figure an overweight woman would need to be of guys who prefer fat women. Liking a certain type of women for sex doesn’t mean the same thing as being able to love that type of woman. Sometimes, just as with blonde bombshell types, that’s the kind of woman a guy likes to shag, but he’s probably not going to try to marry one. So when a guy says he likes older women, the question should be what he likes them for. Most of the time, it’s just going to be for sex, especially if his reasoning revolves around our being more “experienced”.
…which brings us to another good reason to avoid younger men. Men don’t think of sexual “experience” as a good thing. In Manian, “experienced” means what “slut” means in Womanian. So when a guy says he likes you or older women in general for that, it means that you’re a more fun pump and dump candidate.
For this, as I’ve said in earlier posts, most guys who are into casual sex, prefer to use women they consider below their marriage standards. They like girls they consider either ugly or used up, or otherwise defective, because then they don’t feel bad about treating them like dirt. Of course, they’re not going to tell you this up front, but they will give many backhanded compliments that will give away their true intentions.
On the flipside, there are those who are not crazy, but understand the world has gone crazy around them, who do not like older women for anything…not sex, and not romance. They feel pressure from other guys for not taking advantage of older women. The small minority of skanky old hoes who enjoy the cougar trend make the rest of us look bad with their “pawing” younger men. There is very little in this world that a man hates more than a woman he finds repulsive, trying to seduce him.
So the reasons for shutting down whipper snappers are not all negative. Sometimes you need to inform the youngster that you are an older woman, not an ugly girl. You should not be being viewed as either a sexual target or a sexual predator. That’s just not how you roll. Now, for the tips…
1. Dress your age in mixed age public settings.
Over 30, a woman is supposed to dress more modestly. Some say, “If you got it, flaunt it!” but this should be reserved for 30+ clubs and social gatherings, and on your way to and from these events with your man. No man under 30 should see so much as the apex of your cleavage or your knees. Elbows should even be covered during daylight savings, if you can manage it.
In other words, if you’re trying to look attractive, dress to attract guys who are older than you, not guys who are younger than you. The idea is to present an image that indicates that you are not available to younger men, and don’t even want them staring at your boobage. This way, they have no visual excuse to class you as an old slut in their minds, even if you are to guys over 40.
2. Assume authoritative body language around younger men.
Imagine you are an English nanny. Stand that way, and use that kind of “safe distance” personal space protection around them. Do not allow younger strangers to invade your personal space. Accept politeness and chivalry, but no touching that is not assistive.
3. When being friendly, speak to them as if they were your nephew. When being unfriendly, scold them as if they were a bratty child.
This keeps the age lines clear. You are not a kid like them. You’re older, and nowhere in their sexual or romantic radar. In the case of the exploitive younger man, this will annoy the crap out of them. In the case of the sane younger man, this will comfort him more than you may know at the time.
4. If by some miracle of cosmetics or glorious perversion, you end up dating a younger man who really likes you, do not “ask me how” around your friends.
You’re a rare exception. Enjoy it, and don’t take it for granted…and please please don’t run around telling your similarly aged friends that they should try it. You’re telling them basically to bank on exceptions, which is very unwise. Treat your relationship like the anomaly that it is, and maybe get some support from other people in a similar situation.
Age gap relationships between older women and younger men come with problems that older men/younger women relationships don’t. Your sex drive is going to lower long before his does. Your looks are going to decline right along with your estrogen. You will need to make decisions about your health that may affect your relationship. If you make the wrong ones, he could be looking at having to care for a sick wife sooner than he would if you were around the same age.
Even if it lasts forever, there are things women are often prepared for since the 20’s that men don’t generally think about because they usually marry women younger than themselves.
Seriously, how many guys under 30 do you know could love a woman with no hair and one breast?
Whenever a younger guy flirts with you or tries to diss you like you’re an ugly girl, think about that. He’s a silly, stupid little whipper snapper needing reminding that this is the planet earth, and that none of us is immortal. So when looking at you, especially if you’re taking good care of yourself, he’s looking at survival success, not a pump and dump or someone to put down with his high school level foolishness.
Shut ’em down.