How to Shut Down Whipper Snappers

She Got LegsOne of the unfortunate consequences of the cougar trend is that now older women are treated like ugly girls.  Rather than being viewed as examples, elders, or even forbidden fruit or “rare burds” when we age well, guys in their 20’s now believe that most of us are desperate for their attention.

Aside of being inaccurate Hollywoodian hype, it leads to a delay in the transition during which we’re socially allowed to decisively reject them without being perceived as unduly bitchy.  We’re expected to be gentler with them than our mothers would have been with what they would perceive as perverts.  It’s now supposedly not deviant to “bang” older women for casual sex purposes, while hoping to someday catch the unicorn-I-mean 10 with a great personality.

Many of us have been there…over 35, and face to face with a 20-something kid with a boner in the grocery store, at a pub, or elsewhere minding our own business.  Then figuring out at some point during the conversation that we’re being flirted with, or worse, insulted because we’ve inadvertently said something that the guy received as some kind of sexual rejection.

A few of us even still get cat calls on the street, felt up “accidentally”, approached explicitly or experience other things that are supposed to stop happening when you’re showing clear signs of aging.  You might think the world has gone mad, and it has.  Now I’ll tell you how not to go mad along with it.

First off, you have to not believe the hype yourself.  Although there are some successful older woman/younger man age gap relationships, this is extremely exceptional.  It’s unusual for a guy to be legitimately interested in a long term relationship with a woman merely a year or two older than him.  More than 5 years older is very rare.  More than 10 years, and it’s bordering on mommy issues territory.  It’s so unusual that at least once you’re over 30, you should not be considering anyone younger than you at all, under normal circumstances.

If you encounter a guy who prefers older women, be as careful as you’d figure an overweight woman would need to be of guys who prefer fat women.  Liking a certain type of women for sex doesn’t mean the same thing as being able to love that type of woman.  Sometimes, just as with blonde bombshell types, that’s the kind of woman a guy likes to shag, but he’s probably not going to try to marry one.  So when a guy says he likes older women, the question should be what he likes them for.  Most of the time, it’s just going to be for sex, especially if his reasoning revolves around our being more “experienced”.

…which brings us to another good reason to avoid younger men.  Men don’t think of sexual “experience” as a good thing.  In Manian, “experienced” means what “slut” means in Womanian.  So when a guy says he likes you or older women in general for that, it means that you’re a more fun pump and dump candidate.

For this, as I’ve said in earlier posts, most guys who are into casual sex, prefer to use women they consider below their marriage standards.  They like girls they consider either ugly or used up, or otherwise defective, because then they don’t feel bad about treating them like dirt.  Of course, they’re not going to tell you this up front, but they will give many backhanded compliments that will give away their true intentions.

On the flipside, there are those who are not crazy, but understand the world has gone crazy around them, who do not like older women for anything…not sex, and not romance.  They feel pressure from other guys for not taking advantage of older women.  The small minority of skanky old hoes who enjoy the cougar trend make the rest of us look bad with their “pawing” younger men.  There is very little in this world that a man hates more than a woman he finds repulsive, trying to seduce him.

So the reasons for shutting down whipper snappers are not all negative.  Sometimes you need to inform the youngster that you are an older woman, not an ugly girl.  You should not be being viewed as either a sexual target or a sexual predator.  That’s just not how you roll.  Now, for the tips…

1. Dress your age in mixed age public settings.

Over 30, a woman is supposed to dress more modestly.  Some say, “If you got it, flaunt it!” but this should be reserved for 30+ clubs and social gatherings, and on your way to and from these events with your man.  No man under 30 should see so much as the apex of your cleavage or your knees.  Elbows should even be covered during daylight savings, if you can manage it.

In other words, if you’re trying to look attractive, dress to attract guys who are older than you, not guys who are younger than you.  The idea is to present an image that indicates that you are not available to younger men, and don’t even want them staring at your boobage.  This way, they have no visual excuse to class you as an old slut in their minds, even if you are to guys over 40.

2.  Assume authoritative body language around younger men.

Imagine you are an English nanny.  Stand that way, and use that kind of “safe distance” personal space protection around them.  Do not allow younger strangers to invade your personal space.  Accept politeness and chivalry, but no touching that is not assistive.

3.  When being friendly, speak to them as if they were your nephew.  When being unfriendly, scold them as if they were a bratty child.

This keeps the age lines clear.  You are not a kid like them.  You’re older, and nowhere in their sexual or romantic radar.  In the case of the exploitive younger man, this will annoy the crap out of them.  In the case of the sane younger man, this will comfort him more than you may know at the time.

4.  If by some miracle of cosmetics or glorious perversion, you end up dating a younger man who really likes you, do not “ask me how” around your friends.

You’re a rare exception.  Enjoy it, and don’t take it for granted…and please please don’t run around telling your similarly aged friends that they should try it.  You’re telling them basically to bank on exceptions, which is very unwise.  Treat your relationship like the anomaly that it is, and maybe get some support from other people in a similar situation.

Age gap relationships between older women and younger men come with problems that older men/younger women relationships don’t.  Your sex drive is going to lower long before his does.  Your looks are going to decline right along with your estrogen.  You will need to make decisions about your health that may affect your relationship.  If you make the wrong ones, he could be looking at having to care for a sick wife sooner than he would if you were around the same age.

Even if it lasts forever, there are things women are often prepared for since the 20’s that men don’t generally think about because they usually marry women younger than themselves.

Seriously, how many guys under 30 do you know could love a woman with no hair and one breast?

Whenever a younger guy flirts with you or tries to diss you like you’re an ugly girl, think about that.  He’s a silly, stupid little whipper snapper needing reminding that this is the planet earth, and that none of us is immortal.  So when looking at you, especially if you’re taking good care of yourself, he’s looking at survival success, not a pump and dump or someone to put down with his high school level foolishness.

Shut ’em down.

About Mamasan

I'm a multifaith spiritual counselor with lots of experience assisting people with improving their relationships. Feel free to comment on the site or contact me if you have an issue you'd rather discuss privately.

8 Comments

  1. You do not understand men at all. Not even a little bit.

    First of all, it’s not unusual at ALL for man to be attracted to and WANT TO DATE a girl 5 years older than him. In fact, when most men are ready to settle down, they PREFER an older woman because they are less apt to get games out of them and they are more apt to find a stronger, more confident woman.

    The advice you give in this article, however, is teaching older women how to do the exact thing that guys are trying to avoid by going after older women.

  2. You are mistaken, James. Where physical attraction to older women who take care of themselves is not so far out, upon finding out that a woman is older, guys typically put them in the platonic or pump and dump category. Ask any single older woman.

    Guys go after older women because they think we’re easier because the television told them so. I don’t feel obligated to make it easier for guys of any age to exploit me, least of all, guys who are young enough to be my son.

  3. Nice comment delete there. You don’t like a guy telling you that you’re giving women bad advice on men?

    Because you’re so full of shit. None of what you wrote was true in the slightest. For starters, you’re not ugly if you’re not a supermodel. The vast majority of women are attractive to men. Certainly, there are different levels of beauty, and that applies to both men and women.

    But the same rules apply to 10s who date 10s and 6s who date 6s. Ultimately, except for those who really don’t give a shit, people want to be loved for the person who they are. Both men and women are looking for the same damned thing out of relationships, and telling yourself differently is setting yourself up for failure.

    If you want to find a man who will love you and respect you, then be honest with him from the start. If you’re 30 years old and have had 30 partners, then tell him you’ve had 30 partners. If he’s a prude or an idiot, he’ll think you a slut and leave, but in that case… Why would you want him to stay?

    The questions aren’t shit tests, they’re ways to see if a woman is the right woman for you. If I’m heavily religious and don’t believe people should have sex before marriage, then I will be asking if you’ve had sex before, and if the number is high, I will (rightfully) conclude that you aren’t the woman for me. If you lie and give a small number, then all you’re doing is creating a relationship founded on lies, which is doomed to failure – aka divorce. And you wonder why the divorce rate is so high?

    Here’s the only tip women need to know: Be yourself and be honest (although don’t dump it all on him in one go.) If he’s the right man for you, then he will accept this, because it *is* what makes you the person you are. You *want* guys who won’t accept this to run away, because you won’t waste your time with a man who will never accept you.

    P.S. I loled really hard at #4. What you wrote is the definition of friends with benefits. Neither of you are interested in a relationship with the person, but they’re good enough to fuck. Everyone has physical needs (men and women) and this is a good way to get it out with a single person rather than random people (hence lower risk of disease.) Any person who agrees to a FWB relationship, wanting something more, and hoping it will develop into something more is an idiot, plain and simple.

  4. Caleb, this site is moderated because of spam. If your comment doesn’t show immediately, it’s because of that. As you can see from others though, I don’t have a problem with opposing viewpoints. Just don’t expect me to be a pushover about it.

  5. With regards to your “pump and dump” comment, Mamasan….

    Who we attract to us tells us a lot about who we are. For example, I used to have this propensity to attract feminist, single mothers to me. And most of them ended up being a little on the “psycho” side (for lack of a better word).

    Because I kept attracting these women to me, I painted the enter female gender with the banner of “psycho,” flakey, and misandrous. The truth, I discovered, was that I was a misogynist and I attract to myself people who would square off with me because that’s what kept me interested.

    Then I did some soul-searching, worked out my issues and discovered that i was insecure and that I made up for the insecurity by attracting women with issues so that I could tell them what to do and try to fix them.

    Needless to say, having that realization didn’t bode well with me. It was a tough pill to swallow because it meant that *I* was doing something wrong and I don’t like to think that I am the one in the wrong.

    When I stopped pointing fingers and stopped blaming women for my problems, I grew in leaps and bounds, conquered a lot of those insecurities and found inner peace with myself. And you know what? I attract a much different brand of woman these days. Why? Because my reality has shifted because my beliefs have shifted.

    The same things apply here. You want to jam all men into the mold you have created to help cope with the assholes who screwed you over. And I don’t blame you for it because i”ve been there, done that. But if you want the men around you to change, why don’t you try changing yourself first and see if that doesn’t attract a different brand of man to you. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised if you truly take this advice.

  6. James, you’re taking this a bit too personally, and missing the point of the article. This article is specifically about how to ward off younger men. Some older women want to attract younger men. There’s plenty out there for them. There are those of us however, who are not interested in anyone younger than us, and don’t want to feel pressured to be.

    Sure, there are exceptions, but the general rule is that younger men are not appropriate candidates for a variety of reasons. This article provides suggestions for those who need to deter them without freaking out.

    I have freaked out in the past. You don’t want to know some of the things I’ve said to young men who got a little too intimate either thinking I was younger, or thinking I’d be easy, despite being in very modest attire. The idea is to let them know we’re not available, and that it’s nothing personal, and they might be nice boys, but they are boys to us. So it’s not going to happen.

    I don’t see why this is such a problem…that an older woman would not be interested in a younger man. That it is a problem is just really wild to me. Since when are we obligated to accept all comers???

  7. Sorry I’m coming to this one late. As an older woman, I have been approached by younger men. A lot of it is the cougar hype. I do summarily dismiss most of them as seeking casual sexual partners. Then again, I summarily dismiss most men as seeking casual sexual partners.

    However, at my age, strictly dating older men isn’t a cakewalk either. A lot of them are divorced (sometimes multiple times)and they can be somewhat bitter about doing it again. They want the gorgeous, younger girlfriend, but they also have less time and resources (due to earlier families) than younger men. Those that haven’t married at all have likely written it off entirely as a possibility. And physically…even with easy access to “Vitamin V”, a lot of them are not keeping up. Literally.

    My personal taste has been for men my age to a few years younger than me. No more than 5 years or we aren’t really in the same place in life. I admit to having an advantage in having aged better than most of my peers. As it turns out, men who aren’t looking for a fertile breeder don’t care as much about having a younger woman, but I agree that they will always want one that looks younger.

  8. Yes, you’re right. Sometimes an older person is single because of happenstance, but sometimes they’re single because they should be. The appeal of the older man or woman is the experience and comfort with themselves, but some people are stuck on stupid and it just gets worse with age.

    Age alone isn’t the issue as much as it is perspective. A younger guy can have a level of perspective beyond his years, and an older guy can be a gray adolescent. So a woman has to be mindful of the generalities, but also respect her own and others’ individuality.

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