Malebait: Do men have a wall?

Though the cougar trend is something that I personally find disgusting, I don’t have any problem at all with appropriate age gap relationships.  It’s not a good idea for a woman over 30 to put herself in the “ugly girl” class for free use by guys in their late teens and twenties.  It is taking a step down for the sake of mediocre to bad sex with someone who doesn’t appreciate or care about you.  Worse, in the age of entitlement, many of the young men who “resort” to shagging older women, view themselves as failures since they aren’t able to keep a steady stream of interested, hot, young women like the television and porn tells them they should.  So they project their self loathing onto the women they shag, and hurt them.

I do realize though, that in some areas and situations, options may be limited.  Sometimes it’s not even about options, but two people just happen to get along in a way that overrides social considerations.  I’m cool with that.  I just realize that it is very rare.  In my observation though, it’s becoming a bit less rare.

Since most of my friends and acquaintances are male, and a good proportion of them under 40, I watch their behavior to make sure the advice I give to others stays reality based.  My close friends are usually not very socially dependent, relative to most others, but my acquaintances run the range.  I have noticed that quite a few very beautiful, intelligent young men are not averse to actually dating, as opposed to merely shagging older women.

Their reasons vary, but mostly center around older women respecting and appreciating them more.  In watching how some of these relationships pan out over time though, I noticed something quite disturbing.  Perhaps because of some lingering delusion about women being more character oriented than men, especially in my generation, I expected that so long as the men in these relationships held up their end, the older women being supposedly even wiser, would be happy.  I was apparently wrong.

It seems that when the guys are between the ages of 26 and 30, their older women bail out.  In most cases, the relationships lasted for over a year, sometimes up to 5 years, but it made no difference.  They were replaced either by someone the age they used to be when their relationship started, or by someone older with more money.  It almost never happened, at least in the case of guys I spoke to or hear about, that the older guy was of comparable means to the younger one.

A couple of things could be going on here.  Perhaps as the relationship settles, the women turn out to be novelty addicts who dated younger men because it’s different and exciting, not because of the men themselves.  It could also be a kind of new love addiction where something new is always better than something old.  That is disturbing enough in itself because when you’re playing with love, you’re playing with lives.

The other possibility is what my legal husband likes to call “dick age”.  It’s a term that can be used to describe a guy’s apparent physical fitness or his sexual endurance.  Again, when a relationship settles, the sex might not be as frequent.  Also, when a man gets older as in not 19 years old anymore, he doesn’t want sex as frequently.

What seems to be happening is that once a guy’s novelty has worn off, and he’s not getting erections from breathing anymore, and no longer looks somewhat adolescent, he’s “aged out” of the female quasi-ephebophile market.

I think we have discovered the male wall: the age at which a guy is no longer considered worth shagging ffs (for shagging’s sake).

It’s a hard thing for me to wrap my head around, since my personal preference is for older men.  Specifically, I like an older guy with lots of sass, silver hair, and that special thickness a guy gets over 35.  I don’t personally get the attraction to frog-like youngsters but reality doesn’t dance around my genitals.

All who read this should know that what I’ve written here is based on my observations, and I could be misreading things, or have some kind of sample bias.  So feel free to comment with your own observations.  I’d especially like to hear from younger men who have dated older women…if you’ve noticed that at some point you’ve aged out, or that your prospects suddenly jumped in age from the 30’s to the 40’s when you no longer looked young.

About Mamasan

I'm a multifaith spiritual counselor with lots of experience assisting people with improving their relationships. Feel free to comment on the site or contact me if you have an issue you'd rather discuss privately.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.