Part of the reality of a preference for manly men is that at times it seems like volunteering for pain. Unless they’re very socially independent, they are vulnerable to the new male hypergamy or “trading up”. Sometimes they’re extremely socially independent to the point of narcissism and/or sociopathy, and you don’t find out until you’re already emotionally invested.
If you played your cards right, you didn’t sleep with him without a commitment. If you did, or if you got into a commitment with him, then that doesn’t mean you’re doomed. You’re just going to have to work harder at disengaging than someone who didn’t get that far. Or maybe you’re a bit obsessed with a guy with whom you have no chance.
Everybody else’s advice revolves around getting smart and breaking off contact, but life isn’t quite so simple. Sometimes you have to see the guy and talk to him because of work, or because he keeps initiating contact and has trouble taking no for an answer. Getting away from him or not talking to him isn’t always an option. So my advice is going to be more realistic.
The psychological and the biological aspects of attraction are connected. When you’re around this guy, you have literal chemistry with him. What you have to understand is that you could have this same chemistry with any number of assertive men. So what you need when you’re trying to get over Alpha is the company of men you admire. Hang out with your male friends often.
It’ll remind you what a real man looks and behaves like, and it’ll also remind you what affection from them feels like and smells like. Granted, they’re platonic, but they’re still giving you positive male love. It’ll tide you over.
Second, you need to listen to your male friends. You probably should have listened to them when they first told you the guy was no good for you. Listen to them now, but really listen. They’ll spell out exactly why, and what warning signs they saw that you probably ignored.
Once you’re in a nice nest of man love, handle the actual chemistry. If marijuana is legal in your area, about six months of smoking pot on the weekends, instead of alcohol, helps tremendously. The best places to smoke for getting over breakups are by bodies of water, especially the sea. No man is as big, strong, beautiful, or timeless as the sea.
If marijuana is illegal where you are, then two herbs will do the job. They are hoodia gordonii and passiflora incarnata. Hoodia is used as an appetite suppressant because it convinces the brain that you’ve had enough sugar. It also however, brings about a sense of contentment, depending on how much you take. So taking about half a gram of hoodia every evening with dinner will not only help you to lose a few pounds, but it’ll help you to stay calm and positive as well.
Passiflora incarnata hammers directly at the obsession chemistry, the PEA and oxytocin. It calms you down, and makes you feel happier. Just be aware that either hoodia or passiflora alone can interact with any other mood altering drugs you’re taking. So lay off the sleeping pills, and if you’re already taking antidepressants, talk to your doctor.
Exercise also helps you to feel better. When you’re stressed, you need to move to work it out. It is very important to get out and walk. Being out in the sunlight also assures that you’re getting enough vitamin D. While you’re at it, take a multivitamin if you’re not already.
Hopefully these tips will help in giving you a break-neck recovery speed. Moving on with your life is important. Just try not to make the same mistake again. If you do though, follow the same routine. Hang with your bros, take some legal herb, and get plenty of exercise, and you’ll be alright.
The Metaphysical Side
When discussing this article with a friend, he asked me why I said nothing about the metaphysical aspects of getting over someone. The idea of love seems magical or mystical to most people, so something ought to be said about that.
Just so that you understand my perspective, I am not a religious person. Technically, I’m agnostic, but I do understand the significance of historically “spiritual” symbols and other psychological tools. I accept that there are many things in the universe that science cannot yet adequately explain. Love is one of them. The “selfish gene” is a good reason why people fall in love and bond with each other. Without the ability to bond, and selection of partners capable of carrying that ability into the next generation, there would be no mammals and very few reptiles, and no birds at all.
As much study as there has been about how humans fall in love, very little scientific attention has been given to how to get people to fall out of love. So for that, you might need a little “Voodoo”. Well, some old fashioned grandma superstition anyway.
Destroy all evidence that you were together, or that you cared about him. Get rid of everything he ever gave you, and thoroughly clean anything in your residence that he ever touched, even the doorknobs and the places he stepped. Just about every botanica or new age shop has “floor sweep” and other cleansers for clearing away negative energy.
Do not speak his name unless you’re required to for business or legal purposes. Speaking his name supposedly summons him, and you want to avoid doing that.
If you’re into crystals, then ruby is the best stone for romantic recovery. It’s said to “purify love” so that any phoniness is revealed sooner rather than later. It also helps you to emotionally heal more quickly. I even have a kind of tradition that whenever I have a bad breakup, I buy myself a new ruby. Keep one on your person at all times, and in your left hand while you sleep. You’ll probably want to buy a low grade rough one to sleep with, as you’ll be upset if you lose a more expensive one in the sheets.
Obsidian is also good for curing one’s self of illusions associated with love. It helps one to make peace with reality as it is, not how you wish it was. Decorate sunny places in your house with obsidian carvings like pyramids, towers, or spheres.
Good stones to wear to attract new men are rose quartz and pink opal.
Use myrrh and rose incense to purify the scent of your residence. Your body chemistry changes when you’re in love, so even if he’s never been where you live, you want to remove your own in-love smell from your home.
Use a soap scented with real lavendar and rosemary, or make yourself a lavendar-rosemary splash by steeping these herbs in water until they cool.
Use a perfume that is heavy on agarwood, also called “aoud” or “oud”. Many Arab perfume oils use this as an ingredient. It helps you to feel more spiritual and less attached to earhtly problems and pettiness. Myrrh, rose, lavendar, rosemary, and jasmine are also good scents for this and for cleansing the mind.
This is a good time to get in touch with your guardians, patron saint, or met tet. Give them offerings, and carry their symbols on your person. If the guy actually wronged you, then wearing a symbol of Ellegua will send the right message into the universe. The simplest is a necklace made of alternating red or white and black beads or of cowrie shells. Even better if the beads are agate and coral.
Belly dancing is a good way to shake off stress and to reaffirm your femininity without the aid of a male partner. Somehow, it tends to make one less needy. Some say it’s because the style comes from ritual dances done for fertility goddesses, but it’s so old that it was likely born when Goddess was synonymous with God. Before any of it got institutionalized, the Creator was thought of as female in nature, because back then they didn’t know that men had anything to do with pregnancy.
Regardless of the theology behind it, it is good for the core muscles, and therefore improves the support system for the reproductive organs. So it very likely smooths out the hormonal ups and downs, which makes you feel better.
Basically, the idea is to clear away the past and move forward with optimism and peace.