Response to Paul Elam on Game Being Unnecessary

A few days ago Paul Elam, a respected men’s rights activist and writer, made a post about game.  A quote from this post reads:

O.K., so you want to get laid? Here’s how you do it. Smell clean, get in the proximity of women, and then ignore them. When they come to fuck you, and they will, shut up and let it happen.

Sorry, but there is little else to it. Women are wired to respond to men who walk with enough self-confidence and involvement in their own lives that they don’t need to invest any energy into bagging girls. They attract women naturally.

There now, I just told you in 80 words (and could have cut it to 50) everything anyone ever needed to know about scoring.

I gave that some thought, and ultimately have to agree that he is right.  A man can get women just by not being repellant, but I have to disagree in that Game is not about getting laid.  It’s about getting with the people one wants.

Unfortunately, Paul Elam has made one of most common mistakes of Game detractors: over simplification.  It may not be all his fault though, because PUA’s themselves often speak in a kind of shorthand that can be confusing to readers who either don’t take the time to get to know them, know any actively recovering betas offline, or who go in with certain prejudices.  To a man who has decided that the best way for all men is MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) and sworn off intimate relationships with women, “getting laid” just means getting laid.  If they read a man expressing his happiness or pride about getting a lot of poon, they may assume that the quality (how ever they define it) is irrelevant.

What may make this confusing is that indeed the quality, as Nature would define it, may be irrelevant.  A woman whose whole sexual experience has been riding the cock carousel’s quality is low because of the disease risk, the difficulty in bonding, and inexperience with even the physical expression of intimacy that would increase at least the quality of the experience of sexual intercourse with her.  To be the next cock in the carousel is not a flattering position.

From the point of view of the MGTOW or MBCOW (Men Being Careful of Women), the PUA appears to be a slave to women who is just learning to be a more pleasing one.

I don’t think this is the case.  The PUA is not a slave to women, unless one wants to class the 1% of women who are ideally young, slim, and beautiful as representative of all women.  Though the average PUA may be more independent in thought than most guys, partly due to biological norms and partly due to the general social dependence of most humans, their tastes are the same as most guys.  They want the top tier women.  If they are slaves, their preferred mistresses are few and far between.  Their quest could be likened to the desire to make as much money as one can in their lifetime.

Their power goals may be dependent on some women, but in these women are on the level of a kind of currency; biological and/or social.  The goal is to spread their seed among those they view as having the best genes and social position.  They take pride in being able to seduce and bed women who are higher in perceived genetic fitness than others.

One key indicator of this, taken from the very blog Paul was referring to as bullshit, is the vitriolic hatred of fat women.  Common as overfatness is in the west, rather than viewing it as symptomatic of social, economic, and political ills, the main authors and most commentors choose to view it as the cause.  Fat women are the antichrist of the PUA community.

If it were simply about getting laid, since it is normal to be fat in the U.S. and U.K. most of the English speaking PUA community would have no shame about bedding fat women.  It would be counted as social credit among them, the same as attracting or shagging skinny women.  Yet one of the editors there has repeatedly expressed extreme disgust and frustration about fat women approaching him (which doesn’t seem plausible in any significant number, so one can assume that unless he’s wearing fat fetish regalia, that this is maybe one or two women in his entire lifetime) thinking they have a chance.

Certainly, PUA’s are not slaves of fat women.  They are also not slaves of older women, in most cases Black or other dark skinned women, or women with any other non conventional traits be they actual physical defects or mere deviations from the “blonde bombshell” save hair color and perhaps bust size.

Awfully picky for slaves, don’t you think?

In my observation, PUA’s are just men who don’t want to be monks, being proactive in their poon hunting strategy.  They don’t want the women they would feel like they are settling for when there exists a strategy to get the women they really want.  Just showing up will get them whatever women are attracted to them, but Game will get them the women they are attracted to.  That is a big difference and highly important since the most feminine women, conventionally beautiful and not, are not attracted by passivity.

Indifference is difficult to pull off for men who aren’t extremely physically attractive or dominant looking.  For most men, it is intepreted as passivity or lack of interest.  Game teaches men how to not just be passive receivers of whatever comes along.  How is this a bad thing?  How does this make them slaves?

Even though recovering betas consciously seeking instruction in Game means that they are joining a social group of men who will shun women like me because we don’t come in the top tier package, I am very happy that they are empowering themselves in an age when men are being disempowered.  They might not be the brightest bulbs in the chandelier as a group, but at least they’re not passive.

Besides, Game is not just for single PUA’s.  Another common mistake detractors make is in denying the variety.  On the quieter fringes of the PUA/Game community are married guys holding together solid relationships by taking charge of their families.  Some of them have married their Disney princess looking woman, but you know, they don’t keep that look forever.  Some are married to fat women who were either fat when they married or got fat when they became sexually depressed from being married to a passive guy.

Yes, the common image of the aspiring PUA is the nerd seeking Barbie, but this isn’t everybody.  Some are Joe Average married to or dating Jane Average and not wanting her to give in to the four year itch without a fight.

So I don’t get the label of PUA’s as slaves to women.  If they are slaves to anything, it is to the idea that men ought to have options.

About Mamasan

I'm a multifaith spiritual counselor with lots of experience assisting people with improving their relationships. Feel free to comment on the site or contact me if you have an issue you'd rather discuss privately.

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