Wash Yo A**! Basic Hygiene for Women

Hygeia by Gustav KlimtA feminine woman must be clean.  It’s not just important for your health.  Cleanliness is a dealbreaker issue for men.  A man may love you in spite of many flaws, but if you are dirty, even if he manages to power through it out of desperation, he will leave you and talk about you to his friends and future partners.  Of all the “that girl..”s, you don’t ever want to be that girl who smelled so bad that he vomits when he thinks of you.

You don’t need to be obsessive.  In fact, obsession just makes things worse.  Some of your parts are quite delicate and need special care.  What is important is to be consistent with your hygiene.


bathtimeYou will need:

  • soap
  • a washcloth (not a sponge, not a puff, and not just your hand)
  • a towel
  • water

You should generally be showering or bathing daily.  If you are more of a bath person, you should rinse off with the shower or a cup after, to get rid of the residue from the water you’ve been soaking in.

If you can’t shower or bathe daily because of your living conditions or super-dry skin, then you should at least clean all the folds of your body with soap and water using a sink or a basin once a day, and shower every other day, or every two days at most.

Start with your face and ears.  Wet the washcloth, and wipe your entire face, and behind your ears.  Stick your finger under the washcloth, and use it to wipe around the outsides of your ears.  Get all that gunk out of the corners, and the excess wax from around the hole.

Then wet the washcloth again, put some soap on it, and wash all around your neck.  Then continue to your chest, under your boobs, your armpits, and your arms.  Add more soap as needed, or hold the bar of soap in the washcloth.  Scrub those armpits well.

Do your belly, inside your navel, and your back.  If you are fat, don’t forget the folds of your back-boobs, and under your fupa.  Now we get to the complicated part.

Wash your lady parts first.  First, wash the outer area with soap and the washcloth, and then get in the folds.  If your soap burns, rinse off, and then from then on, rinse your washcloth before getting in there.  If it doesn’t burn, let it ride.  Make sure you have thoroughly cleaned that area.  Then after that, do the butt.  Make sure to get all your butt from the goonch to your whale tail.  All that should be clean.

Then rinse the washcloth, re-soap, and do your legs and then your feet.  Get between those toes.

Rinse yourself well, and rinse the washcloth thoroughly.  Wring the water out, and then hang it somewhere it will dry well.  If it’s not dry by the next day, hang it outside, and get another one.  Do not use a washcloth that has been wet more than 24 hours.  Change your washcloth at least once per week.

Dry your folds with the towel, and then put some lotion or oil on your arms, legs, belly, and boobs.

Brush Your Teeth

You should be brushing your teeth at least every morning and every evening at the minimum.  Some do it additionally after each meal, but others feel this is too much.  Either way, you should not be walking around with bad breath.

You should be brushing all of your teeth, and it should take you at least 5 minutes.  If you aren’t used to this, use a timer.

After brushing, you should use an antiseptic mouthwash.  Every evening, you should floss.

Change your toothbrush every month to 3 months.

Your Period

You should use the minimum absorbency needed for your amount of flow, and change pads or tampons every two to four hours.  Never have something bloody on or in you for longer than that, or you could get an infection or toxic shock.  Not to mention, it is very smelly.

Like men don’t smell musk as well as women, women don’t smell blood as well as men.  So if you are walking around with an old pad, you may not smell yourself, but to men you smell something like rotting meat, especially on a hot day.


This depends on your preferences, but if you do shave, you need to stay VERY clean.  You can get ingrown hairs, infections, and other problems if you don’t stay clean.  I recommend getting iodine soap, or surgical soap, and using specific feminine hygiene wipes when you use the bathroom.  In fact…

Using the Bathroom

womensroomToilet paper is not enough.  Use baby wipes.  Just don’t flush these down the toilet.  Wipe your front parts first, and then the back.  Make sure to get in the folds.  When you go #2, wipe with toilet paper first, and then use baby wipes.  If you don’t have any, wet a paper towel with water or the baby wipe solution recipe I will give in a moment.

If you can, install a sprayer next to your toilet so you can spray yourself with water.  This way, you can also do your daily soap and water wash while sitting on the toilet.

Cleansing Solution

Sometimes, you may not be able to get to a shower, or you may be camping someplace, at a festival or something.  I don’t know.  Just understand you still need to clean yourself.  Or maybe you’re allergic to “methylisothiazolinone” (MI), or don’t trust the companies that make baby wipes, and just prefer to roll your own.  That’s cool.  You can make a bottle of very good cleaning solution or a dry powder for which you just need to add water.

In a clean liter and a half bottle, put in:

  • 2 tablespoons liquid soap, castile soap, or any brand  you trust of “soapless soap” or baby shampoo
  • 2 tablespoons aloe vera gel
  • 1 tablespoon sunflower seed oil, olive oil, or mineral oil
  • 1 tablespoon vinegar, witch hazel, or 1/2 cup white wine
  • 1 teaspoon vitamin E oil or grapefruit seed oil, to help preserve it
  • optionally, a drop or two each of helichrysum, frankincense, and/or myrrh essential oils

Fill the bottle the rest of the way with distilled or boiled and cooled water, and give it a good shake.  You can put it in smaller bottles for carrying in your purse or backpack.  Squeeze what you need on a paper towel.  You can use it anywhere on your body, but try not to get any into your eyes.

For the powder, mix:

  • 250 grams baking soda
  • 1 tablespoon oat flour
  • 1 heaping teaspoon green tea (matcha) powder

Stir together thoroughly, and keep it in a jar away from humidity.  You can use this a teaspoon at a time in 100-150 ml. of water.  This is usually enough to wipe down your body folds, or for a few trips to the bathroom.

If you don’t like to mix your own things, that’s okay.  In a pinch, you can use baby lotion as a cleanser.  It should be one that contains cetyl alcohol.  This is one of the ingredients that makes it creamy and mildly antimicrobial at the same time.  Just squeeze some on a paper towel, rub it in, and then wipe it off.

Washing Your Hair

You should be washing your hair every other day if it is very oily, and once a week if it is very dry.  If you are wearing braids, you should still wash your hair.  If you have cornrows, you can put a stocking on your head and wash your hair through that using a mix of water and shampoo.  Do not leave cornrows in for more than a month.  Do not leave a weave or root-attached extensions in for more than 3 months.  You will regret it because gunk will build up.

Preparing For a Date

Before you go on a date, you should be fresh for your man.  The shower you took in the morning or night before is not going to do the job.  You should be clean from head to toe so that your man does not get any unpleasant scents from any part of your body.

Every woman has a natural odor, which men actually like, but this should not contain any old or leftover dirt or nastiness.  It should all be fresh from your pores.

What if he’s in a hurry, and tells you that you don’t need to freshen up?  IT’S A TRAP!  You always need to freshen up.  If it has been more than a couple of hours since your shower, at least do a good baby-wipedown of your parts before getting intimate.  Many “that-girl”s were clean women who just didn’t freshen up.  This will be used against you.  So no matter how intense the situation may seem at the moment, tell him that you have to use the bathroom.  If he insists, say it’s to put in your birth control.  If he still insists tell him that you also have to pee.  Whatever it takes, clean yourself.

Better a broken mood than a lost dignity.

Tricks of the Trade

There are many things a woman can do to enhance the experience for a man who is exploring her body.

You can put some rosewater or neroli water in a spray bottle, and give your parts a nice spritz before the encounter.

Stevia tea with a couple of drops of vanilla extract in a spray bottle will make your skin taste sweet.

Getting enough water, and avoiding sugary drinks helps prevent a “yeasty” smell.

If you are a big and/or big boobed woman, the alum crystal deodorant will keep your folds clear of odor producing microbes without irritation and damage.  Baby cream with zinc oxide also helps.

Cranberry juice helps to prevent urinary tract infections, but also makes you smell better in general.

Eating yogurt is good because it helps maintain the good bacteria in your body, but it’s also good for your skin because of the natural acids.  If your skin is looking a little dull, try a yogurt mask.  Smear it on your skin, wait 10 minutes, and then rinse it off.

After bath splash is used by many women in hot, humid climates to soothe and prevent chafing in the folds.  Mix a half and half solution of aloe vera gel and Everclear or 90% alcohol.  Listerine Zero or witch hazel on a cotton ball is also good to kill germs and help inflamed pores to heal.

The Shag Bag

A “shag bag” is basically a small carrying case or makeup bag in which you keep your items for hygiene when you are away from home.  Some call it a “first a** kit”.

It should have:

  • a small pack of baby wipes
  • a couple of tampons or pads (or as many as you will need if you are actually on your period)
  • some perfumed lotion or deodorant
  • a travel toothbrush
  • a dental flossing stick or pick
  • breath spray
  • a few cotton balls and cotton swabs
  • hand sanitizer
  • a small soap or shampoo sample
  • 3 Immodium pills

If you have these in your purse at all times, you’ll be prepared for just about anything hygiene related that could happen while you’re out.  By the way, the three immodium are for in case you ate something that made you gassy or gave you the trots.  Some diets or medicines can make you a little musical and runny.

The breath spray is important not only for your breath, but to cover odors if you have to do unspeakable things in someone else’s bathroom.  Often, men don’t have air freshener, so you need to improvise.  Mint covers many odors.

Help a Friend

Friends and family should help each other maintain their hygiene.  Give each other pedicures, manicures, and other beauty and spa treatments.  Make trips together to your local spas or hot springs.  Get involved in each other’s personal care.

Buy gift baskets for each other.  You can even have custom sets assembled at most stores.  Or you can make home made cosmetics and give them as gifts.  This shows you care about their health and happiness.

Part of the reason many young ladies don’t know how to take care of themselves today is because of isolation.  Everybody’s wrapped up in their own thing, and women don’t take care of each other the way they used to.  Then there is worry about seeming overly critical.  Everybody needs to get over this.

Not taking care of ourselves can cause problems like skin and vaginal infections.  This leads to more use of antibiotics.  In addition to the normal side effects, most of them dry you out and age you faster because they kill both the bad and the good bacteria in your body.

It’s just very important to be clean.

About Mamasan

I'm a multifaith spiritual counselor with lots of experience assisting people with improving their relationships. Feel free to comment on the site or contact me if you have an issue you'd rather discuss privately.

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