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The Slut Rules, Rule #3: Do NOT get pregnant!

  • Posted on June 10, 2010 at 9:25 am

Use condoms from start to finish, whether you trust the guy or not. If you do, then the chances are, you won’t get pregnant or a disease, so long as your selection was sound.

If you do get pregnant, by some miracle or extreme fertility, or because of a guy’s subconscious desire to get you pregnant causing “accidents”, be prepared to get an abortion.  If you cannot handle the idea of getting an abortion, you should not be having premarital/pre-cohabitant sex.  Even if your relationship is a committed one, to use a man’s genetic material without his prior and explicit consent is, in ethical terms, criminal negligence on the level of combined rape and manslaughter.

Absolutely, under no circumstances, should you make children without a man telling you that he wants to make children with you immediately, not “soon” or “someday”.

If you are not in a committed relationship, then he doesn’t really need to know that you’ve had an abortion.  Whether or not you love him, he apparently doesn’t think you’re worthy of keeping around as more than amusement.  So since you’re essentially worthless to him, then so are any offspring you would be carrying.

If you are in a committed relationship with him, getting pregnant, whether you have an abortion or not, could be the end of it.  Since some with less life experience may not understand why, I’ll spell it out based on something I’ve seen thankfully only happen to other people than me.

A good man doesn’t see any woman he’s shagging as worthless.  He wouldn’t put his penis in anyone he thought was worthless.  So women he’s shagging are graded based on his feelings of attachment to them, not their value as human beings.  His love for humanity, especially any humans who are carrying his genes, will cause him to extend the relationship beyond its natural lifespan, or to make a commitment to the mother of his children, at least on the surface.

So he will stay, but he won’t be monogamous.  Having a baby to keep a man, at best, only keeps his money.  You may lose his trust if you did it sneaky by telling him you were on the pill or at an infertile point of your cycle.  If the reason you weren’t stable before the baby was because you weren’t a good match, then you’ll be stuck with a guy who loves you like a friend or a sister, and may even shag you occasionally, but is still on the market for someone he can really feel at home with.  He may well even leave you for that woman when your kids are grown…or just leave to get away from you.

If you don’t start that cycle of dysfunction, and worse drag kids who didn’t ask to be here into it, you can avoid all that.

If you are the other woman in this kind of scenario, then it is extremely important for you not to make the same mistakes of your predecessor.  I’ll explain how.

Certain men have a kind of subconscious, perhaps instinctive desire to fertilize women they find very attractive or motherly.  Instinctively, attractive and motherly are one in the same, when a guy is attracted to a nurturing woman.  His logical side may be telling him that it’s not a good idea to have children with you at that time, but his subconscious is screaming at him to do it NOW.  So eventually, he will propose having sex with you without a condom.

For the love of humanity, you must refuse.  No matter how you feel, you must.  Subconsciously, he may take this as some sort of rejection, and react in that way.  Simply remind him that this is how he got into trouble with the last woman, and that you are not her and don’t want to be like her.  Tell him that you’d love to have his children, if the situation was stable, but that since it isn’t, you don’t want to drag helpless innocents into a bad situation.  You will not have fatherless children.

Now, staying real here, depending on your man’s level of dominance, you may not be able to successfully avoid condomless sex.  Stuff happens.  When you know that penetration is going to happen, you must remind him that there is the possibility of your becoming pregnant.  If he says it’s all good, then fine, but men say all sorts of things in the heat of the moment that they regret later.

So if you can manage it, don’t let him ejaculate inside of your vagina.  If he has, then as soon as he leaves, you should use spermicidal gel and a gauze pad, or better, a sponge.  Keep it in for the full 8 hours.  This will at least reduce your chances of conception.  After 2 weeks, get a pregnancy test.

When a guy starts having condomless sex with you, he feels he’s crossed a line, and shouldn’t have to wear one anymore.  You’ll be hard pressed to go backwards.  So at that point, you should use a diaphragm or the sponge.  I consider the pill a last resort due to the side effects and the fact that barriers with spermicide work very well.

Be mindful though, that condoms are the only reasonable protection against disease.  If you aren’t sure that the guy isn’t screwing around with women you wouldn’t go bareback with if you were a guy, then put your foot down about going back to condoms.  So some of this goes back to Rule #1.  Love him and yourself enough to not want to bring kids into a relationship until he is truly ready.

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Is the Pill Killing Your Sex Drive?

  • Posted on August 4, 2009 at 9:26 am

Although barrier methods are safer, many women still choose hormonal birth control because of its dependability.  As if the other possible side effects weren’t enough, the pill tends to kill many women’s sex drive.  There is still some debate between doctors about why this is.  Some say it decreases testosterone by increasing certain proteins.  Some say that it’s the progesterone reducing the sex drive as it would if a woman was very pregnant.  Nobody knows, and it may well depend on the pill and the woman who’s taking it.

There are foods, vitamins, and herbs that one can eat to increase the sex drive, but some interfere with the pill’s effectiveness.  Many don’t interfere with the pill though, and may help it to work better if for no other reason, by keeping you on it.  There are also lifestyle changes that can prevent or reduce side effects.

Increase your testosterone naturally.

The idea of increasing your testosterone might bring to mind images of bodybuilders and Olympic shot putters, but this isn’t what will happen.  You won’t be adding testosterone to what would normally flow through your system.  You’re just helping your ovaries and adrenal glands to do their job despite your not ovulating.

Get more sun, and eat foods with Vitamin D.

Vitamin D deficiency causes a host of health problems, and overly low testosterone is but one of them.  Not everyone can spend too much time in the sun, so it’s helpful to eat Vitamin D as well.  Salmon, shrimp, mackerel, and tuna have it.  Eggs have less of it, but enough to do the job by eating them in moderation.  Remember that calcium and vitamins A and K also help your body to use Vitamin D.  An egg, a carrot, and some yogurt is a good breakfast for a woman on the pill.

If you can’t stand any of the foods with Vitamin D, take cod liver oil capsules.  Be mindful though, that not all of it comes from clean, sustainable sources.  Follow your conscience in this.

Do combat or team sports, or play games with a worthy opponent.

The brain triggers testosterone production in women too.  The more you need, the more you will produce.  Because we’re not men though, we need specific kinds of stress for our brains to think we need testosterone and not other stress related hormones to do the job.  Playing against others will do this.

Feel the burn.

Generally, it’s not a good idea for a woman to work out until it really hurts or to failure.  If you need to increase your testosterone though, you’ve got to push yourself every once in awhile.  You’ll have to decide what’s good for you as individual, and you don’t want to actually harm your muscles or joints.  Just do at least one activity or set during your workout until you really can’t anymore.

Have sex anyway.

Even if you are totally not “in the mood”, do something for your man.  You don’t have to have vaginal sex when you are not physically aroused, but oral sex or touching will tide him over until you can.  It may also help to get you in the mood immediately.  If not, it may at least help you to increase your testosterone over time.

Just keep it on a kind of unwritten schedule, how often your man has…needs.  Most guys are good with twice or three times per week, but some would prefer some kind of sex every day.  Some, multiple times per day.  Just remember that feelings aren’t facts.  You love your man, and he excites you, or you wouldn’t be there.  Just because your lower parts are on the blink doesn’t mean your brain has shut down.

If the idea of any kind of sex when you’re not physically aroused actually disgusts you, then it may be that you’re applying negative emotions to a physical problem.  It’s normal with all the misandry in the media and from other women with issues, to get the idea that sex is some kind of a chore or duty that needs to be done with the same mind as washing the dishes or something.  The going mythology is that sexual desire is some kind of madness that men have, when it’s perfectly normal.  In a romantic relationship, it’s the way a man expresses and reinforces his attachment to you.

So think of it as a kind of advanced hug.  If your man didn’t want to touch you at all, you’d feel deprived and worried for the state of your relationship.  Approach sexually pleasing him with the same joy with which you hug him or feed him.  It’s nurturing him, not bringing a sacrifice to an insatiable monster or something.

Mind your circulation.

The mechanics of arousal for women are different for women, but in the genital area, our labia and clitoris do get engorged.  We also get lubricated along the way.

Kegel exercises should be added to your regime.  This isn’t enough though.  You must also eat plenty of vegetables, especially greens, and drink more than enough water.  Your blood is mostly water.

You should avoid eating too much table salt.  Just get used to not adding any to your food most of the time.  Once you’re used to it, you won’t need it.  When you do need salt, use Celtic salt or sea salt.  For a somewhat salty pleasant flavor, try alternatives like lemon, vinegar, or whey.  Quite often, what seems like a craving for salt is really a craving for organic acids.

If you live in an extremely hot area, and need to eat actual salt, there’s a right way to go about it.  It needs to have some complete proteins and a reasonable amount of carbohydrate with it.  One of the things we eat here in Israel is salty cheese.  So add a few squares of feta or salted cream cheese to your breakfast.  Generally though, too much salt is just poison on the pill.

Another thing that’s poison on the pill and messes with your circulation is smoking.  Part of this is because of the amount that most smokers smoke.  If you can’t manage to quit, start rolling your own with natural tobacco, or only smoke full flavor natural cigarettes like American Spirit.  You’ll smoke considerably less.  That will be less tar getting into your lungs and gunking up your oxygen delivery and circulation.

These tips should help to solve the problem if the reason the pill is causing you arousal problems is testosterone.  If these don’t work, you should talk to your doctor about it.  You might have had this or other problems before the pill, or the pill might have caused problems that can only be solved by getting off of it.

It could be emotional.

Another possibility is that it could be a mental/emotional issue.  Though in this day and age, many won’t address this, or will call it irrational, I don’t think it is.  For some women, part of the thrill of sex is the possibility of having children.  If you haven’t had a baby with the man you’re with, being on such a sure method may cause you to question whether or not he feels you’re worth having children with, or if you are with someone who is fully prepared for adult life.

Yes, it’s insecurity, and could be construed as irrational, but it’s a kind of irrational that is very natural.  It would be weird for a woman not to question her status to some degree.  It’s a matter of degrees.  Your fears may be totally unfounded, and if they are, then you need to handle them.  If, on the other hand, you see that you’re dating a manchild, being on the pill may bring the problems to a head.

Whether justified or unjustified, if these feelings are causing you to be hostile to your partner, or to suffer from extreme feelings of insecurity, you should get outside professional help for your relationship.  You may need to change your pill, change yourself, or change your man.  Whichever it is, you must remember that the pill is a drug that alters your body chemistry, and that your brain is part of your body.  If something is out of whack, it’s something your doctor needs to know.

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