There has been a bit of hype of late about “swirling” (African American women dating and marrying outside their ethnicity). Some have made it a kind of a movement. I don’t think it should be a movement, just that people should date whoever does right by them. Other men aren’t more likely to do right by an African woman. They’re actually less likely because of ideas of worth based on color/ethnicity and a tendency throughout history of whoever’s considered the “upper class” to look down on and exoticise the “lower class”.
So if you’re open to dating out, don’t discriminate by color, but definitely discriminate by behavior. If you have to lower rather than adjust your expectations or demands, then you are not doing yourself any favors by dating out.
Tags: bias, cultural differences, culture, dangers, dating out, escapism, exotic, exoticise, exoticize, fantasy, intercultural, interracial, interracial relationships, racial bias, racism, stereotype, stereotyping, swirl, swirling
I’ve decided to make a post about what men really want. Well, maybe not just men in general, but the men who matter: the ones who actually want and/or are in a real relationship.
Since it’s best to let the men speak for themselves, this is basically a list of links. However, it would be irresponsible of me not to post a disclaimer, and that is whatever you read, the woman should be of the same or a socially convenient class. What that is depends on the guy and how socially dependent he is, regardless of his social class. An “omega” male with debilitating shyness who looks like an elf on amphetamines, may think he’s too good for a woman who doesn’t look like a model or a porn star, if he is overly socially dependent. So whatever he says he may want as far as personality starts with the default requirement for the woman to look like someone he would be seen with.
However, it’s good to know what men want so that if you do meet one for whom you are socially convenient, you don’t screw it up by making assumptions based on the advice of people who don’t really relate to men. Men are not so out of touch with their feelings and desires as many may think. What they say they like is usually what they like when the social component is removed or the minimum social requirements are met.
Another disclaimer, the authors of these posts or articles are not responsible for and do not claim any agreement with their commenters. The comments are just perspectives of other readers and should not be viewed as part of the article. Some writers like their comments section to be an area of relatively free expression, where people can discuss and debate ideas. So I don’t want anyone from here trolling or harassing people at any of these sites. Shaming language is frowned upon, so if you’re going to post, leave your feminism at the door, but definitely bring your humanity.
Now, onto the links:
The Rawness – The Perfect Woman: A How-to Guide
A pretty good breakdown of what a relationship minded man who actually gives a darn about the truth with regards to manhood in society today.
The Spearhead – What do men find attractive?
A call to open a dialogue on what men are looking for in a woman.
The Sydney Morning Herald – What Men Want In a Wife
In this article, a nightclub owner admits that when he was younger, it was very important that his girlfriend be very hot, and that all his friends want (to shag) her. He’s a good example of a supposed “alpha” male with a dark, socially dependent underbelly. He says he’s looking for different things now, but a leopard doesn’t change its spots. However, since it is hard to find women who are able to balance the social role of being a hottie and being a good trophy who won’t embarass the family or take half, he may have grown more realistic if not less socially dependent.
Tags: ideal partner, ideal woman, perfect woman, what men are looking for, what men find attractive, what men want
A.J. Travis, an exasperated Roissy commenter has set his hand to spelling out a straightforward and updated set of “rules” for the modern woman who isn’t a hoe. He’s doing pretty good so far, but could use some feedback. It’s always helpful for us advice dispensers to get alternate points of view, so please click here to read the Rules post and share your thoughts. Please be gentle though, because he’s a good guy trying to do a good thing for good girls, not a cad just looking for the next shag.
Tags: dating, marriage, men, rules, the rules
Well, except under special circumstances, such as their beloved wife asking them for it after performing three soap and water enemas and taking two loperamide, and even then vaginal is preferable.
When guys hear another guy obsessing over buttsecks, a little voice inside their heads is telling them that he’s Gay. There’s nothing wrong with being Gay, but the dude is running a high risk if he should ever find himself incarcerated with people who know this about him.
Since most guys don’t go to jail for long periods, sending this message may not make them cell wives, but it will earn them some interesting nicknames behind their backs. Since anal sex has become a staple of porn, most guys wouldn’t call a dude out for this in public. Almost every one will experiment with it if he gets the opportunity. It’s just that after doing it once or twice, a straight guy will not want to do that again unless he’s into poo. Even some Gay guys prefer heroic man love over anal.
Why this rule is unspoken is due to a combination of middle class male peer pressure and feminist ideology. To say that one hates anal sex, and thinks men who give or receive it past experimentation are Gay paints one as sexually inept and homophobic. Men are afraid to be honest about their level of disgust for it.
For some, because of their hidden beliefs, there is shame after engaging in it at their partners’ request. There’s also suspicion that the woman isn’t enjoying it, which is quite often the case. She feels pressured to copy the porn queens to keep her man, and he feels pressured to copy the studs to keep up with her supposed needs and the other guys who all say that they’ve done it. So at the end of the night, both have had sex like peer pressured puppets, and neither feels closer. If they don’t speak honestly, they both feel pressured to repeat the activity, and slowly the guy starts feeling like even more of a “punk”.
So before you break out the KY jelly and prepare yourself to grin and bear it, ask your man how he feels about anal sex in a non pressure situation first. If he gets a look on how face like he just tasted something bad, and you get the old girlfriend stories of poo, just let that go.
…and if one of his friends’ nicknames is Alfred Sh**cock, the two of you can have fun planning his coming out party.
Tags: anal, heterosexual, men, prison, prison wife, straight
Times have changed, and in most places a guy can’t legally get away with putting a bullet in his cheating wife’s head, but a surprising number do so anyway.
Much like I’ve encountered when attempting to convince women to exercise and learn self defense, there seems to be a chasm between women’s perception of the facts of life, and the realities of life. The world owes no human being on this earth anything. Not one thing. Not another breath, and definitely not mercy in response to betrayal. If you get it, it’s only because of luck. Don’t push your luck.
As a polyamory friendly person, I debated with myself as to whether or not to post this little tidbit and the last on cheating men. I decided to go ahead and do it because truly polyamorous people are a minority. Even they prefer honesty, and take being betrayed very seriously. People trying to justify their continued existence often point to the polyamorous as an example of why cheating isn’t so bad, but we are not a good example. Wanting for one’s sister what one wants for one’s self, as Muslims would word it, is not the same as being okay with him screwing every whore in town and risking his wives’ health. Besides, from a PUA perspective, doing a bunch of women who just want the money is a “false alpha” behavior. One wants to create the illusion of being wanted by many women, without doing the work to get the social pull which would get one the needed ego boost without having to have the sex…but I digress.
What year it is, and women’s rights are irrelevant in this. I’m talking about how a man feels about being cheated on. No matter what he says, he wants to kill or maim you if you do that. That’s his natural reaction. If you’re not dead, it’s only because he doesn’t want to deprive his children of their mother and/or he doesn’t think you’re worth life in prison.
So before you get carried away by the moment, and you can’t find it in you to think about the good man you have at home, consider that even good people have limits. If you cross them, you’re taking your life into your hands.
…and if you have done it and survived, and you wonder why you’re not getting what you wanted out of the divorce, it’s because every time he hears your voice or gets anything from your lawyer, a tiny voice inside him is wishing you were dead. Be a dear and remind him of your existence as infrequently as possible.
Tags: cheating, cheating women, men feelings