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What do men really want?

  • Posted on May 8, 2010 at 3:55 pm

I’ve decided to make a post about what men really want.  Well, maybe not just men in general, but the men who matter: the ones who actually want and/or are in a real relationship.

Since it’s best to let the men speak for themselves, this is basically a list of links.  However, it would be irresponsible of me not to post a disclaimer, and that is whatever you read, the woman should be of the same or a socially convenient class.  What that is depends on the guy and how socially dependent he is, regardless of his social class.  An “omega” male with debilitating shyness who looks like an elf on amphetamines, may think he’s too good for a woman who doesn’t look like a model or a porn star, if he is overly socially dependent.  So whatever he says he may want as far as personality starts with the default requirement for the woman to look like someone he would be seen with.

However, it’s good to know what men want so that if you do meet one for whom you are socially convenient, you don’t screw it up by making assumptions based on the advice of people who don’t really relate to men.  Men are not so out of touch with their feelings and desires as many may think.  What they say they like is usually what they like when the social component is removed or the minimum social requirements are met.

Another disclaimer, the authors of these posts or articles are not responsible for and do not claim any agreement with their commenters.  The comments are just perspectives of other readers and should not be viewed as part of the article.  Some writers like their comments section to be an area of relatively free expression, where people can discuss and debate ideas.  So I don’t want anyone from here trolling or harassing people at any of these sites.  Shaming language is frowned upon, so if you’re going to post, leave your feminism at the door, but definitely bring your humanity.

Now, onto the links:

The Rawness – The Perfect Woman: A How-to Guide
A pretty good breakdown of what a relationship minded man who actually gives a darn about the truth with regards to manhood in society today.

The Spearhead – What do men find attractive?
A call to open a dialogue on what men are looking for in a woman.

The Sydney Morning Herald – What Men Want In a Wife
In this article, a nightclub owner admits that when he was younger, it was very important that his girlfriend be very hot, and that all his friends want (to shag) her.  He’s a good example of a supposed “alpha” male with a dark, socially dependent underbelly.  He says he’s looking for different things now, but a leopard doesn’t change its spots.  However, since it is hard to find women who are able to balance the social role of being a hottie and being a good trophy who won’t embarass the family or take half, he may have grown more realistic if not less socially dependent.

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The New Rules

  • Posted on October 7, 2009 at 12:17 am

A.J. Travis, an exasperated Roissy commenter has set his hand to spelling out a straightforward and updated set of “rules” for the modern woman who isn’t a hoe.  He’s doing pretty good so far, but could use some feedback.  It’s always helpful for us advice dispensers to get alternate points of view, so please click here to read the Rules post and share your thoughts.  Please be gentle though, because he’s a good guy trying to do a good thing for good girls, not a cad just looking for the next shag.

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Unspoken Rule: Straight Guys Don’t Do Anal

  • Posted on July 7, 2009 at 5:35 am

Well, except under special circumstances, such as their beloved wife asking them for it after performing three soap and water enemas and taking two loperamide, and even then vaginal is preferable.

When guys hear another guy obsessing over buttsecks, a little voice inside their heads is telling them that he’s Gay.  There’s nothing wrong with being Gay, but the dude is running a high risk if he should ever find himself incarcerated with people who know this about him.

Since most guys don’t go to jail for long periods, sending this message may not make them cell wives, but it will earn them some interesting nicknames behind their backs.  Since anal sex has become a staple of porn, most guys wouldn’t call a dude out for this in public.  Almost every one will experiment with it if he gets the opportunity.  It’s just that after doing it once or twice, a straight guy will not want to do that again unless he’s into poo.  Even some Gay guys prefer heroic man love over anal.

Why this rule is unspoken is due to a combination of middle class male peer pressure and feminist ideology.  To say that one hates anal sex, and thinks men who give or receive it past experimentation are Gay paints one as sexually inept and homophobic.   Men are afraid to be honest about their level of disgust for it.

For some, because of their hidden beliefs, there is shame after engaging in it at their partners’ request.  There’s also suspicion that the woman isn’t enjoying it, which is quite often the case.  She feels pressured to copy the porn queens to keep her man, and he feels pressured to copy the studs to keep up with her supposed needs and the other guys who all say that they’ve done it.  So at the end of the night, both have had sex like peer pressured puppets, and neither feels closer.  If they don’t speak honestly, they both feel pressured to repeat the activity, and slowly the guy starts feeling like even more of a “punk”.

So before you break out the KY jelly and prepare yourself to grin and bear it, ask your man how he feels about anal sex in a non pressure situation first.  If he gets a look on how face like he just tasted something bad, and you get the old girlfriend stories of poo, just let that go.

…and if one of his friends’ nicknames is Alfred Sh**cock, the two of you can have fun planning his coming out party.

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Unspoken Rule: Cheating Women are Lucky to Be Alive

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 7:49 am

Times have changed, and in most places a guy can’t legally get away with putting a bullet in his cheating wife’s head, but a surprising number do so anyway.

Much like I’ve encountered when attempting to convince women to exercise and learn self defense, there seems to be a chasm between women’s perception of the facts of life, and the realities of life.  The world owes no human being on this earth anything.  Not one thing.  Not another breath, and definitely not mercy in response to betrayal.  If you get it, it’s only because of luck.  Don’t push your luck.

As a polyamory friendly person, I debated with myself as to whether or not to post this little tidbit and the last on cheating men.  I decided to go ahead and do it because truly polyamorous people are a minority.  Even they prefer honesty, and take being betrayed very seriously.   People trying to justify their continued existence often point to the polyamorous as an example of why cheating isn’t so bad, but we are not a good example.  Wanting for one’s sister what one wants for one’s self, as Muslims would word it, is not the same as being okay with him screwing every whore in town and risking his wives’ health.  Besides, from a PUA perspective, doing a bunch of women who just want the money is a “false alpha” behavior.  One wants to create the illusion of being wanted by many women, without doing the work to get the social pull which would get one the needed ego boost without having to have the sex…but I digress.

What year it is, and women’s rights are irrelevant in this.  I’m talking about how a man feels about being cheated on.  No matter what he says, he wants to kill or maim you if you do that.  That’s his natural reaction.  If you’re not dead, it’s only because he doesn’t want to deprive his children of their mother and/or he doesn’t think you’re worth life in prison.

So before you get carried away by the moment, and you can’t find it in you to think about the good man you have at home, consider that even good people have limits.  If you cross them, you’re taking your life into your hands.

…and if you have done it and survived, and you wonder why you’re not getting what you wanted out of the divorce, it’s because every time he hears your voice or gets anything from your lawyer, a tiny voice inside him is wishing you were dead.  Be a dear and remind him of your existence as infrequently as possible.

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Unspoken Rule: Things Better Left Unsaid

  • Posted on June 20, 2009 at 6:15 am

This is one that strong women with experience break often.  When a man fails you in some way, he already knows it.  You don’t need to remind him or nag him about it.  If he cares about you at all, he knows and is already ashamed of himself.  Having a verbal confrontation about it is not necessary.

You don’t have to pretend like you weren’t hurt.  Just don’t talk about it.  Actions speak louder than words.

Talking about it puts him in an automatically defensive mode.  He won’t be able to help himself.  There’s nothing rational about whatever will come out of his mouth at that point.  He just wants you off his case so that he can either move on with his life or bear his shame and pay the consequences.

If whatever he has done is a dealbreaker, and he has no good excuse, he already knows that you’re gone or that you should be.  Talk about your feelings with your female friends, because he obviously doesn’t care about them.  If he did care about them, he wouldn’t have done what he did.  You’re just providing unnecessary drama and annoyance.

If it wasn’t a dealbreaker, simply don’t trust him with whatever it was that he failed at.  Don’t mention it unless he asks why you don’t trust him with that anymore.

The reason to avoid verbal confrontation in this case is that, as I’ve said, the man is the one who directs the relationship.  If you gave him a responsibility that he is not ready to accept, there is really not much you can say that will do any good.  He may not be conscious at the time of the failure that he wasn’t ready, and if you take the direction duty away from him, you can look forward to dragging him through a relationship he may not want to be in, or at least into phases that he is not ready for.

For example, if you are used to short notice meetings, and agree to meet one day, and he stands you up or doesn’t call to tell you not to wait for him, that’s the end.  There is no need to tell him how disappointed you were.  He knows.  This doesn’t mean he did it on purpose.  He may have been unconsciously trying to get rid of you.  Maybe it was a “shit test” that some guys do to see how much of a pushover you are.

Rather than talking to him about it, simply do not accept any more short notice meetings.  If he doesn’t make a date a day or two in advance, and pick you up at your residence, he doesn’t see you.  He will understand why you no longer go out to meet him anywhere or jump when he calls.  If he cares for you, he will value your time, and honor the more formal dating schedule.  If not, then since you hopefully haven’t had sex with him at the time when this kind of thing would be a worry at all, then nothing is injured but your pride.  Move on.

This is how to preserve your dignity as a woman when the man fails.  You refuse to be the man in the relationship, resist the urge to burn bridges, and offer him the opportunity regain your trust and respect.  You also don’t drag along a guy you don’t trust or respect, out of desperation.

Behaving desperately and making drama reduces your value to a man.  It can make a man who cares about you pull away, and one who doesn’t care about you, view you as more worthless than he already deemed you were from the beginning.

So don’t be so quick to unload on a guy.  He doesn’t want to hear it.

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