You are currently browsing all posts tagged with 'attraction'

Smelling Really Good: How to Maximize Your Attraction With Scent

  • Posted on June 7, 2010 at 10:31 am

Everyone knows that scent plays an important role in attraction.  Here at G4G though, the objective is to attract the right kind of men, and to do what one can to please them after the initial attraction.  Even if a guy doesn’t quite remember what was said during an event or incident, he’ll probably remember the smells.  So it’s important to not only clean and scent yourself well, but to mind odors in your living space and other areas you influence.

Vanilla and Cinnamon

Recently, there has been a lot of hype around the vanilla and cinnamon combination.  It reminds men of the smell of pastries, and their mom’s baking if they had an active mother.  Somehow, it is also arousing, but I’m not sure that it’s quite as simple as spraying on a vanilla cinnamon perfume.

First of all, the synthetic versions can have the opposite of the intended effects.  Vanillin, the fake vanilla flavor/scent can be nauseating to men who are on natural diets.  Most non-mainstream men are these days because they’ve learned about the harmfulness of overly processed foods.  Synthetic cinnamon has a terrible sour after-smell.  So if you choose a vanilla cinnamon scent, make sure it’s the real thing, mixed by an aromatherapist or ethnic scentologist.

Second, having the smell without the food is teasing.  So if you’re going to wear vanilla and cinnamon, make sure to keep some freshly baked goodies handy, or be ready to bake when the man you like takes the bait.

Another thing to keep in mind is that spicy scents are best in colder weather.  So you’ll want to wear a more floral scent in summer.  The good news is that real vanilla goes very well with flowers.

Some good, spicy scents are:

Yves Saint Laurent Opium, Coco de Chanel, Louisiana Voudun’s and the Wiccan recipe for Isis, and Avon’s Occur.

Florals

What kinds of flowery scents smell good on you depends on your body chemistry and time in your cycle.  What smells good on you when your ovulating, probably won’t when you’re on your period.  You also have to consider again that synthetic scents don’t have the same effect as natural scents.

The one I hear the most complaints about from guys aside of fake vanilla or musk, are fake rose and fake jasmine.  If you’re going to wear either of those, take the time to shop for some made with real rose or jasmine essential oil.  Even some of the more expensive perfumes use synthetic scents, so the best way to be sure is to skip the mainstream and opt for an Arab or African “attar” or aromatherapist/scentologist prepared oil.

Al Rehab is an Arab brand that has ready made attar based oils.  They also have spray perfumes, but generally people buy the oils, so they’re the ones you’re most likely going to find if you don’t live in the middle east.  Just go to any Islamic or Arab store that has halal cosmetics.  There are also a few eBay sellers.  Do a search for “attar”.

Red Rose is an excellent scent by Al Rehab.  It doesn’t smell like what a rose perfume usually smells like.  It has a slight kiss of musk in it, so it not only smells good to men, but it makes you feel sexier.  Full is their jasmine attar, and it is just dreamy.  It smells super-feminine, and just like having a romantic walk through a garden of jasmine bushes.

Another Al Rehab scent that has generated some buzz is Golden.  It is a mixed floral scent that is described as “very young”.  So it’s a good scent for teenagers and very youthful athletic types.

Musk

Straight men don’t smell musk as intensely as women do.  What they do sense of it triggers more platonic comraderie than sexual attraction.  So it’s not a good idea to make musk the primary scent for attraction purposes.  If your perfume is just musk, then it’s somewhat wasted on men unless it’s to blend in and seem like one of the guys.

It is good however, for making you feel sexy, and making other females around you perceive you as sexy.  So if you work in a service position, or are trying to befriend your boyfriend’s mom, then musk is essential.  Back it up with a vanilla and floral combination, and you’ll be more generally attractive to people.

Good base musk scents that don’t clash with others are Egyptian Musk, and African Musk.

Egyptian Musk is made from or made to smell as if it is from the urine or clumps of the male ibex.  It is nowhere in the mainstream market, so you’ll have to go to an Arab or African scent specialist or vendor.  If you’re in the Los Angeles area, some vendors along Venice Beach have it.  Elsewhere, look in the Islamic stores, Rastafarian shops or Afro-Latino Botanicas. 

African Musk is available only from Africans or Voudun friendly spiritualists because it has to be acquired by hand from an animal called the civet, and is somewhat rare outside of the spiritual communities.  Chanel #5 uses synthetic civetone as an ingredient.  It’s really not the same.  When you get some of  the real thing, you understand what C5 was trying to be like.

White Musk is synthetic, and though it smells nice to some people, it is missing something as far as the aromatherapeutic benefits.  So a good, natural alternative is China Musk that is harvested from the clumps of the musk deer.  It has a clean scent reminiscent of a good old fashioned soap.  Back in the old days, they used real musk in soaps, so this is probably why it reminds me of that.  China Rain is a scent that is based on China Musk, and is a favorite of many in service professions who like to smell friendly.  It smells like happy people.

Soft Musk is an old Avon favorite.  Yes, it’s synthetic, but it’s pretty.  Somehow, it’s boosted well so that men really like it.

Woods and Resins

Sandalwood is a very well known scent in the mainstream, as is cedar.  One woodsy scent that shines in Arab perfumes though, is oudh.  It is quite unique, and worth a try if you are the type of woman who has a very strong femininity.  Al Rehab has a variety of oudh based scents, and honestly, the best way to find out which one is best is to sample them.  Sheikh Perfumes at eBay usually has a 10 or 20 piece 3ml. sampler set.

Myrrh is a nice clean smelling scent reminiscent of baby products.  It’s great for adding a touch of innocence to your smell.  Frankencense is deeper, and goes well with myrrh or spicy scents.  If you smell like roses, frankincense and myrrh, you’ll remind guys of church.

One resin that is gaining popularity in Goth circles lately is dragon’s blood, made from the resin of a special palm tree.  It doesn’t have much of a scent when dissolved, but it is good as incense.  So most dragon’s blood perfumes are boosted with a bit of frankencense and spices.

Chocolate is a fun fragrance, as is coconut.  Just be aware that as with cinnamon and vanilla, smelling like food should imply that you like to cook.  The smell of coconut especially enhances the appetite.

Fruity

Fruity scents like peach, apple, banana, and orange, add a bit of fun to your scent.  They’re happy and playful, but try not to overdo them.  Sometimes they can be overpowering and smell a little too sickly sweet.

Appropriateness

Depending on your faith, it may or may not be a good idea to wear perfumes out in public.  Muslim and Christian women of some sects are forbidden to do so.  There is also a time and a place for more attractive strong scents, and for softer, more subtle scents.  Go by your clothing.  If you’re wearing business or work attire, you want a more confident or friendly scent in a subtle strength.  If you’re going out in the evening, you want something stronger, that tells guys who get close to you a bit about your personality.  On a date, you want to be more specific, and choose a scent that is likely to inspire positive or sexual feelings.  With a long term partner, you want to be even more specific, and go with scents your partner enjoys.

Scents Around the House

Home should smell like a nice place to be.  It shouldn’t have a cloud of synthetic vapors hovering in it, but it should smell pleasant.  This can be difficult if you have pets or live in an area with a lot of cars or scent pollution.

Scents that smell good in the home are lemon, pine, cedar, and lavender.  A combination of lemon and cedar is especially nice, and helps to counter cat odors.

To neutralize bad scents in carpets and furniture, sprinkle a bit of baking soda around, and let it set a few minutes before vacuuming them.

Please feel free to comment with your own good scents.

Continue reading Smelling Really Good: How to Maximize Your Attraction With Scent

Care to leave a comment?

Do Women Overestimate Their Looks?

  • Posted on April 29, 2010 at 9:58 am

I don’t know many women who actually overestimate their looks.  The few I know who do are what most guys I know would rate 7 or above.  Most women I know think they’re ugly or teetering on the brink of ugliness.  Those who feel they’re on the brink feel ugly if they get normal pre menstrual bloating, or they’re having a bad hair day.

If women really thought they were beautiful, then the organic food industry would be bigger than the diet industry or the cosmetics industry.  What’s funny about that is that eating natural would solve most of what uglifies women before their time.  Since most guys view makeup as just a part of grooming that doesn’t really add to a woman’s actual beauty, women with clear skin and a bright smile could just do without it.  Eating naturally and exercising would also prevent obesity or reduce associated effects, so women would all be either slim or truly pleasantly plump well into old age.

What may confuse men who think women are overestimating their looks is that both men and women overestimate the value of looks.  Wherever one may stand on the 1-10 looks scale, the only difference between one 5 and another 5 is their rating on the personality scale.  What makes it even more confusing is that regardless of looks or personality, whether or not a guy will be willing to commit to a girl depends on whether or not she’s of compatible social status.

A 10 with a stellar personality who is poor, a Romani, living in eastern Europe may still get more attention than a 5, but her social status will prevent her from being taken seriously by men outside her community.  She’ll be sought out for sex, but when a guy wants to marry, he’ll choose a woman within his community whether or not she is as beautiful or has as good a personality.

Like men who think that social dominance doesn’t matter, women who don’t think social status matters are in for a rude awakening when they are pushed aside for someone who is farther from the general natural ideal than they are.  The reason why is that what is best has no real relevance in real life romance.  Very few people on this planet are free minded enough to do what would be best for them without thinking of how other people will view them.

It’s estimated that only 10% of people are independent thinkers.  Of those, most will endure some sort of abuse for being so, that will send them into the closet or lead them to a destructive type of nihilism.  So one can speculate that perhaps maybe 1% of independent thinkers are fully functional and humanitarian.  Very very few of those will have any interest whatsoever in a conventional, monogamous relationship.  The few who do are likely politicians with specific interest in finding either a trophy or another independent thinker.

So while men may claim that a woman’s social status doesn’t matter, this simply doesn’t add up.  The facts say otherwise.  Social status matters to everyone who isn’t an independent thinker, and that’s almost everyone.  The question is what kind of social status matters to a guy.

Raw beauty is one thing that determines a woman’s social status in an “open market” dating situation, such as we have in the western world.  Whether or not that beauty will put you in the wife or hoe category in a man’s mind depends how you ornament it and how you filter access.  Since there are still ethnic and class divisions though, the market isn’t exactly open.  It’s open sexually, but not so open commitment or marriage wise, if you take the whole west into account, and not the U.S.  Even in the U.S. there is some dangerous stereotyping going on, like the assumption that Black women are sluts, or that Asian women are compliant and submissive.

It’s not just women who suffer from stereotyping.  There’s the stereotype of White guys being wimps, Black guys being criminal, and Hispanic guys being lazy.  Technically, people are being classed by their looks, but not necessarily by ther beauty.

Some time ago, I had two female acquaintances who were applying for the same waitressing job at a country club.  Both were slim, beautiful, and polite.  One was kind of “dumpy”, but was from a wealthy family.  She went to the job interview in a pair of torn jeans and a t-shirt.  The other, very well poised and ladylike, but from a middle class family, went to the interview in a designer casual ensemble.  Guess who got the job?  The dumpy one from the wealthy family.

When the ladylike one asked how this could be, I explained to her that she classed herself.  Women don’t understand how men really rate women, neither for beauty nor for social status.  The middle class woman dressed like a middle class woman.  She cared about her appearance because she’d been trained, like most of us back in those days, to care how we presented ourselves.  We don’t have a cushion of money with which to insulate ourselves from reality, and we behave and dress accordingly.

In any case, within one’s social class or ethnic division, beauty matters, but outside not so much.  If people think they are better than you or worth more than you, it doesn’t really matter much how pretty you are, or how pretty you aren’t.  You’re either invisible or exploitable to them, even if they don’t intend to be cruel.

However, within your social class or ethnic division, beauty can get away with murder, sometimes literally.  The prettier you are, the worse you can treat guys and get away with it.  They will go out of their way to get next to you, and even stalk you.  They’ll sell out their friends and family to get with you.

Since most of us aren’t that pretty though, one has to be cautious as within one’s class, lesser beauty means that you are lower status within your status.  What makes things worse is that most guys now are given an overly limited and limiting template of beauty as the standard to which they believe all women should conform.  So even if you are naturally beautiful, because of social status concerns, if you don’t get close enough to the template, you are viewed as worth less than women who are closer to the standard or ideal.

At the moment, the big deal is being slim.  Women are herded towards having hard bodies, and men are herded into preferring that above all else.  Everyone from the surgeon general to late night infomercials hawking powders and ab machines promotes the idea that this body is attainable to everyone.  If someone doesn’t have this kind of body, they are viewed as not inferior, lazy, or stupid.  The overly socially vulnerable even openly ridicule women who don’t meet what is promoted as the basic standard.

It is simple status jockeying.  Guys think it makes them look more manly to pick on a woman who they view as lower status than what they want to be viewed as able to get.  They want to make themselves look more “alpha” by implying that they so often screw “better” women that “lesser” women are so worthless that they can afford to alienate them.

To me it’s kind of funny that these same men say that a woman’s social status doesn’t matter to men.  If it didn’t then they wouldn’t feel the need to “put a woman in her place” for not conforming.  They’d be indifferent to the looks of women they didn’t consider worthy of them, unless speaking in general terms about the topic of beauty, and that would be that.  There would be no need to take it personally.

Yet men do take it personally…probably because women do too.  It’s actually difficult to have a reasonable conversation with people of either gender on the subject without lapsing into either an, “I’m ok, you’re ok,” denial fest, or it degrading into a beauty contest between debators.

Between women, whoever is the skinniest will decide that she has to be right because she’s skinnier.  Between men it’ll be about who screws the most hot chicks, and the one who screws the most doesn’t count because what matters is how many hot ones there are.  Between a man and a woman, the man will decide that he’s right because the chicks her screws or would like to are skinnier or younger or whatever than the woman.

Regardless of the gender of participants, it almost always falls into “handbags at high noon”.

Back to the original topic though, I don’t see how it’s possible for a woman to overestimate her looks.  She may say many things, but her actions will tell another story.  As women, we are constantly being told how ugly we are, and what’s wrong with us.  What’s truly rare is a woman who believes that she is beautiful and doesn’t need to be perfect.

Continue reading Do Women Overestimate Their Looks?

1 Comment

Bitch Shield vs. Prude Shield

  • Posted on July 26, 2009 at 6:00 am
I do, but not with you.

I do, but not with you.

In the comments on men’s PUA sites occasionally someone says something that’s useful for women.  In this case, Mike posted about the difference between the “bitch shield” and the “prude shield”.
You’ve probably read hundreds of dating and marriage experts say that mistrust is very unattractive.  Yet the same people say that it’s a bad idea for a girl to seem too easy because there are so many cads out there.  It’s difficult to parse what exactly it is that they’re saying.It’s confusing because there’s a conflict between the modern trend of more liberal attitudes about sex and gender roles, and the actual biological, psychological, and social needs of humans. 
The old system was just as bad as far as feasability.  If women aren’t allowed to work or to vote then they’re doubly vulnerable than men who will suffer greatly under the yoke of political and economic oppression.  As they say, sh*t rolls downhill.
So although having freedom is a good thing, having a brain is as well.  However, if someone doesn’t know that they have an option, they won’t know to use it.  This is where the “bitch shield” comes in.
Women are wired to filter out losers.  No matter what has ever been fashionable or traditional, no woman is happy about being trapped with a wuss of a man.  Though some women are more tolerant of guys with lower incomes, the vast majority also don’t want to get involved with a guy who doesn’t have the resources to sustain or improve the lifestyle she is accustomed to.  We’re being real here.  Very few women would be willing to be primary wage earners if they have to work outside the home to do it.  Very few men aside of farmers and working artists could truly pull off active home based fatherhood without feeling that they are losing their masculinity, at least in the west.
Add this to the current widespread belief that if you don’t have sex with a guy before a commitment, he will value you less, and go find someone who will.  We’re made to feel insecure about our looks, told that our value as women rests in our looks, and therefore if we’re not “perfect” then we should be “more approachable” (read easier) to improve our chances of getting and keeping a man.
So the general strategy has become looking and behaving as if one is available and open to non committal sex, but blocking out perceived losers with hostility.  The slut act and placing one’s self in meat market venues is the wide net that draws in everybody who’s remotely physically attracted to you, and then you have to sort and throw back the fish you don’t really want.
Using these kinds of tactics often leads to situations in which you actually have to explain to a guy that you’re not interested in having casual sex with him.
Let that thought soak in for a minute.
Why would a rational person think that you would be interested in casual sex with them?  It’s because you dress and behave in a way that gives them the impression that you would be interested in casual sex with people, and they’re trying for their turn in the line.
I just don't.

I just don't.

If, on the other hand, you dress and behave in a way that says that you probably or certainly don’t do casual sex, you don’t need a bitch shield.  You have a prude shield.  Guys around you will understand that the default answer is no until you’re married or seriously committed.  Some may have a wishful thinking problem, but it will be easy to point out to them that they’re behaving irrationally without any smarmy, “Let’s just be friends…” speeches.

The thing is, to pull this off, you can’t screw guys outside of committed relationships.  It can’t be that sometimes you do, and sometimes you don’t.  You just don’t.  If you have in the past, you should chalk it up as experience, and stop.  Do your best to recover whatever you’ve lost from that.  You may need the help of a therapist or minister for awhile.
You also have to start dressing like someone who isn’t trying to pick up.  This does not mean uglifying yourself, or letting yourself go.  It also doesn’t mean acting as if you think sex is yucky.  It means not advertising your sexuality as if it were a product you’re selling.
Technically, once you do this, you’re selling your chastity, but at least this way you get to control who’s in your pool of buyers.  You are like an exclusive club for members only.  The default answer that should go through a guy’s mind who finds you attractive, to the question of whether or not he’s likely to get in, should be no.  Men should know in advance and on sight that they have no chance of getting pre commitment sex from you consensually, even if they are the king of wherever.  It’s just not going to happen.
This means that the guys who are looking for an easy lay will pass you over, or not put much effort into you once they understand the situation.  Good riddance.
This will be difficult for those of you who are used to getting a lot of male attention.  Attention is what passes for validation for many people nowadays, but it’s not the same thing.  It’s the type of attention that matters most.  Sometimes the lack of attention is the validation, and proof of your actual value as opposed to your usefulness.
If you’re not putting out, and not looking like you will, then being passed over by guys looking for an easy lay usually means they respect you too much to waste your time.  You may not be of much use to them at the moment, but you are still valuable.  The reason this is usually the case and not just sometimes, is because most guys ultimately want a committed relationship.  It’s just that when they’re young, they feel like they should be sowing their wild oats.  Yeah, they’ve been lied to the same way we have.
Hollywood waves the prospect of an endless parade of 10′s in front of them.  It’s like the Tyler Durden speech where he says that they were all told they were going to be rock stars and millionaires, but that didn’t happen, so they’re angry.  When they do come back down to earth, they are very put off by the bitch shield.  For years, they’ve had cleavage and butt crack dangling in front of their noses, but jerked away as soon as they’ve reached out to touch it, more often than not.
They’d rather be with someone who isn’t playing those childish games.  If you have substantially above average looks, you’ll need to suit up in order to not be seen as mere eye candy or a tease or mercenary.  If you have average or below average looks, you will need to suit up in order to not be viewed as easy and disposable.  The fact is that pretty, popular girls, whatever that means, can get away with more and still be generally valued.  The kinds of guys who don’t lose their testicles just because of a girl being pretty though, have very high standards of character and grooming, which is part of the evidence of character.
Now to the benefits of the prude shield…
You don’t have to wear makeup beyond the work and event standard.   Most men are not fooled by makeup anyway.  Some fetishists and television raised porn addicts prefer a woman to wear makeup, but even they are not actually fooled into thinking a woman is more pretty than she actually is.  For some men, makeup takes away more than it gives to a woman’s appearance.  So you can set your pores free, and you won’t get premature eye wrinkling…a big bonus for the long term.
You can be feminine without it being misinterpreted as easy.  Write those silly poems, and stare into his eyes.  Tell him how it makes you feel when he doesn’t call at least every couple of days, and don’t pretend that it doesn’t bother you.  Let the tears well up, and your voice shake if he starts evading or talking trash.  This is not a battle for supremacy.  It’s a relationship.  If he bails out, you will feel the loss, and you will be disappointed even though you will survive.
There is no chance of rapo gaming.  You’re old fashioned in the way that you don’t have a romantic relationship until the guy has both explicitly defined it as such to you, and is publically calling you his girlfriend, fiance, or wife.  You’re not seeing other people, or pressuring him, but you’re not counting your chickens before they’re hatched.  You also don’t like misunderstandings, or to waste others’ time or your own, and you prefer a mature and decisive partner.  You’ve made it clear that indecision is a pet peeve of yours, and at the point his indecisiveness starts to annoy you, you simply no longer respond to any of his vague flirtations.
You trigger a decent man’s protective urges, rather than his defensiveness.  If you’ve established yourself as the woman in the relationship from the beginning, you can be a bit flexible about some of the superficial gender roles without it being interpreted as a power play.  You can be a civil engineer or a receptionist, and either way you’re still a woman to him.  There is no dating like a man if you’re not a man, so masculinizing your style just gets you perceived as slutty, bitter, and/or domineering.  With the bitch shield, you’d be saying you don’t want to have sex with him because he’s not good enough.  A prude shield says you’re not having sex with him because he’s not yours, regardless of why.  That’s not about power.  It’s about protection.
What about the dangers of the prude shield?
The big one is that it could be interpreted as sexual manipulation in the bad way.  A guy could believe that you are witholding sex in order to pressure him to commit.
To counter this perception, you will have to first lose your delusions of grandeur.  If you won’t have sex with him, someone else out there will.  You can’t prevent a man from having sex in general.  All you can decide is what you will and won’t consent to.  So you have to make it clear that you are not interested in manipulating him because you understand that just leads to frustration and dishonesty.  You just don’t want sex from someone who isn’t committed to you because of your own standards.  He is welcome to opt out if this is too much pressure for him.
…which brings us to another danger.  Well, it’s not really a danger so much as it is collateral damage due to circumstances you could not anticipate.  That is the fact that it is a widespread social trend for men to be wusses these days.  There also seems to be a rise in uncareful promiscuity.  Since they figured out that the withdrawal method is passable birth control, many guys aren’t using condoms from start to finish every time.
So a guy may not feel that he should have to be in a committed relationship to have sex, but will pursue you in the hopes that you will change your mind.  He may think you were just kidding.  When he finds out you’re not, he’ll start distancing himself.  Let him go.
Another danger is that there are guys out there who are desperate enough to mock commitment up to the point that it doesn’t really cost them anything substantial.  It is very important that you not fall for professions of love and promises of the moon and stars.  Give it enough time to get confirmation from other sources that his word actually means something.  A wuss is never that way in just one area of his life.  If guys don’t trust him, girls shouldn’t either.
Then finally, there is the chance that you may be alone a very very long time.  In the day, they had a word for this, “spinster”.  Now, they’re called cat ladies.  If you keep your legs closed and behave honorably, like most honorable people, you may pay a high price for that.  This is why they call it honor.
On the other hand, part of being honorable is being true to yourself.  If you sincerely feel that you would rather end up a cat lady than a cougar, if it comes down to being romantically alone in your older age, then the prude shield will do you well.  You’ll have less needless drama in your life, and in your age, you will be looked on as a nurturing mentor.  Hey, some nice man may be secretly lusting after you, but waiting for his wife to die.
If, on the other hand, you need some action, and would be more miserable as a cat lady than a cougar, perhaps relative prudishness is not for you.  Hey, if you’re going to be a slut, then be an ethical one.  Might I interest you though, in a middle ground?
If you find yourself getting up there in age, and due to lack of luck, you haven’t found Mr. Right, consider life as a sassy broad.  Whatever you do, do it with discretion.  Hey, it’s a thought.

Continue reading Bitch Shield vs. Prude Shield

Care to leave a comment?

True Nature: A Theory of Sexual Attraction

  • Posted on December 30, 2008 at 1:50 pm

Michael R. Kauth theorizes that sexual attraction develops from a combination if in-born genetic and social factors. Natural tendencies are exploited or triggered, or reactions to things regulated by one’s environment, and intepreted through one’s culture. It’s a very interesting read.

Continue reading True Nature: A Theory of Sexual Attraction

4 Comments on True Nature: A Theory of Sexual Attraction