Game for Girls

These days, those of us born after 1969, despite mostly having decent dads ourselves, have been programmed to panic when it comes to men.  The news is filled with horror stories about murderous ex husbands, molesters, rapists, and other bad guys.  To make things worse, the average guy has been stricken with such fear of his own capacity to violence that the protectiveness baby has been thrown out with the bathwater of overprotectiveness.  If one believed the hype then then definition of jerk would be male.

There are plenty of good guys out there though.  If there weren’t then humanity would have gone extinct.  Though there are female police, soldiers, firefighters and others doing the heavy work and weilding the violence necessary to maintain order on this planet, these are largely the domain of men.  Some man out there is the reason you don’t have to carry a gun to work unless you’re a cop or maybe convenience store cashier.

So here’s a list of features of a guy who is part of the solution.  You only need open your eyes.

How to Tell a Guy is NOT a Jerk

1.  He is well mannered and yet honest, regardless of how he’s dressed.

He could be covered in hot garbage, and will still thank the person who hands him a towel.  He’ll then listen for a your welcome to make sure the person he thanked heard his thanks.  He treats people with respect unless they earn his disrespect, and even in the throes of a bar fight, he doesn’t want to seriously maim anyone if he doesn’t have to.  He can fight dirty in self defense, but only if it’s self defense.

On the other hand, he is very well practiced in telling women no.  He’s heard his dad and maybe grandad do it many times, and knows how to say it effectively.

2.  Related to #1, he is respectful of and kind to old people, children, and other physically weak or disadvantaged.

Basically, he’s a protecter and defender of the weak.  He does not push people around just because he can.  He doesn’t pick on people for being what he views as ugly either.  What he says about the fat girl across the street is what he will think of you when you gain your menopause pounds.  A guy who can see the worth of an old woman, the beauty in a swollen handed pregnant lady, and the beautiful smile of the chubby lady behind the deli counter is a guy worth keeping.

3.  Generally, he dresses neatly and is well groomed.

Some good guys are not so great about taking care of themselves because they may be used to having someone else do that for them.  However, a good guy usually likes looking and smelling good.  He may have some edge, but those edges aren’t rough.  They’re crisp.

The only color of shoes for good guys is black.  White athletic shoes can be worn to and from the gym or specific hip hop events.  Brown shoes are hiking boots or so dark they’re almost black.

Good guys’ shirts cover their armpits and do not expose any of their stomach or back, even when bending over.

Good guys’ jeans are the same shade of blue or black all over unless they are real cowboys.

By the way, good guys who carry big things do not wear jeans.  It makes them look like they have a parasitic twin.

Good guys’ pants go all the way up to their waist.  No overhang of gut or invitation of butt.

Good guys do not have spikey hair, highlights, gold teeth, or wear sunglasses at night.  They also don’t wear a lot of bling because they’re not trying to catch a hoe.  Some may bling up their woman though, as a kind of territorial gesture.

4.  Good guys have excellent credit (because they’re honest).

They’re dependable and hard working, so even if they don’t have a high status job, credit companies love them.  Even if because they are Muslim or otherwise anti “Bablon”, they refuse to have credit cards, they will be getting offered them, and may have a couple of debit cards.

A good guy lives within or below his means except in three debt causing cases: student loan, car, and house payments.  If he does get into trouble in tough economic times, his credit with friends and family will tide him over when the bank won’t.  They know he’s either good for the money or he is worth the investment.

Given a choice though, a good guy would rather owe the bank.  He doesn’t like owing people money, and tries to avoid it.  Some even won’t take loans that require a co signer because they don’t want someone else to end up in a bind if they die or something else bad happens to them.

5.  Good guys are kind of suckers for love, but mind your manners young lady.

A good man will climb any mountain, and die for you if needed, even if he doesn’t love you for life.  He’ll do it because you’re a human being who needs him.  So if you push him too far, he will kick you to the curb because you mistook his kindness for having him wrapped around your finger.  If you’re a nurturing giver too, you’re fine though.  You can give your lives to and for each other.

6.  He goes to church (or temple or mosque or shrine or study group…).

There are exceptions, but most good men are at least somewhat religious.  They enjoy having a community around them because they’re community building kind of people.  Very independent thinkers who aren’t totally misanthropic can just be honorable without a spiritual community, but those are so few and far between, you may go your entire life without ever meeting one, much less one who’s available, within your age range, heterosexual, and compatible.

So it’s best not to bank on the exceptions.  A marriage/commitment minded guy has a God or at least an Anthropos figure (like Buddha) who embodies or is Love itself.  This is the scale by which he measures his own quality, so he shouldn’t have too much trouble with your Dad’s and other male relatives’ standards.

7.  A good man has duties and a mission.

He is doing something in life for someone other than himself.  Even if he is between jobs or isn’t technically working because he’s studying, he has a purpose in life, and is doing something about it.  He is no slacker.  He understands his role as a man, and exercises that role regardless of whether or not or how much he’s being paid for it at the time.

This mission will be there whether you stay or you go.  So respect it.

8.  A good man has good parents.

If the guy’s dad’s a cad, or his mom’s the dishonest sort of hoe there’s a good chance he will be too.  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in this.  Sidestory: as vengeance, I once successfully “eye-shagged” an ex boyfriend’s dad with him watching from another part of the pub because I knew it would teach him the correct lesson; that cads are as interchangeable as sluts.

Many men cheat, but some of them learn from the experience.  Some men actually leave good wives thinking they can do better though, only to find that hoes don’t make good housewives.  They don’t even make good girlfriends to guys who aren’t very rich.  So if a guy grew up with his dad disrespecting and under appreciating his mom, or worse if his mom is the hoe the guy married and then had a crappy life with, be careful.

If, on the other hand, the guy’s dad is faithful and there’s no divorce in sight, or they were together until death did them part, your potential has potential.  He knows what it takes to last, from first hand experience.  It’s no guarantee, but you can be sure his intentions are probably good.

9.  A good man wants you involved in his life.

He isn’t hiding you or hiding things from you.  He doesn’t really have anything to hide.

10.  Kids RESPECT a good man.

This isn’t quite the same as fear, but it’s closely related.  Kids are well behaved and cordial around this man.  They and younger men may call him Sir, and treat him like an authority figure, for better or worse.  He is the spoiler of fun, but he is the guy lost kids will go to when they can’t find someone in a uniform to help them.  People trust him because he oozes trustworthiness and strength.

His legs are alternatives for trees, even if he’s kinda short, for little kids playing tag nearby.  He smiles at babies and their parents.  They smile back.  He’s actually seen Shrek and wonders whether the donkey marrying the dragon was an inappropriate reference.  If he voted for Obama, it was because Palin’s smarmy cheerleader speeches reminded him of “popular” girls he hated in high school, but were trying to get into his pants anyway because of his boyscout rebel paradox game.

In his own childhood, he was not in a hurry to lose his innocence, but had a crush on an older girl the “popular” guys shunned for being too self assured.

He tells young girls and boys to mind their manners and respect their elders within reason.  He however, kicked the guy who got grabby with his younger sister’s butt, or got his butt kicked trying.  Kids view him as a protector and role model.

I hope this list is useful in helping women to spot the good guys.  Again, things don’t always go perfectly these days, and some bad guys mimic good guys.  Still, I think this is a pretty good rundown.

With this or the prior post, if you have anything to add to the list, feel free.  Blessings in your quest, from the G4G team!

Almost every relationship site has a checklist for how to tell if someone is a slut or a jerk.  The G4G team thought it was time for some balance.  So this post, made of tips from old fashioned moms, dads, and guys who actually know how to pick ‘em, is on how to tell a woman is not a slut.  The next is going to be how to tell a guy is not a jerk.

How to Tell a Woman is NOT a Slut

1. She is modestly dressed, even in the peak of summer.

Modesty standards vary from culture to culture, and by situation, so you may have to play this one by ear.  However, the non slut will be modest relative to those around her and what is customary.  She’s obviously not trying to get male attention by advertising sexual availability through her clothing or lack thereof.

She’ll be the girl wearing loose fitting, draped garments in a hot climate, or the one wearing truly comfortable dancing clothes and shoes in the club.

2.  She behaves politely, but not capitulating.

She behaves civilly to everyone within reason.  She says please and thank you to people serving her.  She calls men and women much older than her Sir or Ma’am or her cultural equivalent.  However, stealing a line from Troy, she is well practiced in saying no to men.

3.  She is well groomed, but for real.

If she wears makeup at all, it is for work, special occasions, or to cover a scar.  She likes her face and skin to feel clean, and likes to smell good.  She has a mom who hounded her almost or perhaps beyond the point of dysfunctional harassment about hygiene and neatness.  As frumpy as she may appear compared to the painted women around her, she’s as comfortable to be close to as a teddy bear fresh out of the laundry.  Speaking of which…

4.  Hearts and teddy bears, unicorns and handicrafts.

She actually wears t-shirts she painted herself.  She knows what an applique is.  She wears hearts despite all the feminists saying not to because it scares guys (read alpha pseudo commitmentphobes and betas beating their heads against the Hollywood sign) away.  She weaves friendship bracelets for her friends, or if she’s more handy with tools, makes friendship pins, barettes, and necklaces.

By the way, you can open by asking about some bit of home made fluff she’s wearing.

5.  Her hands smell faintly of onions.

This woman cooks often enough that no matter how much she washes her hands, or what kind of hand lotion she wears, the smell of onions is locked into her pores.  The few days you catch her not smelling like onions, she smells like cinnamon, nutmeg, and/or allspice.

Because she cooks at least for herself, any fake nails will be press-on.  Her nails will also not all be an even length unless they’re all short.

6.  She is a real athlete.

Her idea of sports is more than aerobics or riding a bike that goes nowhere.  She may not be a pro, but she takes what she does seriously, even if it’s just her daily walk.  Not all non athletes are sluts of course.  Just that being an athlete reduces a woman’s chances of being a slut dramatically because, liberal as she may be politically or socially, she has body confidence.  She doesn’t need to be physically perfect to believe in herself as physically worthy of caring for.  Her idea of fitness doesn’t come from television.  It comes from the pavement, some weights, a racket, a bat, or sufficiently avoiding finding her back or face on a mat.

She knows enough of personal victory and has racked up enough success that she doesn’t need to screw random guys to bolster her ego.

7.  She talks about her dad/family in the first lengthy conversation.

By the time you’ve had a real talk with her, she’s told you about her parents in positive terms, and maybe about the time her brother read her diary.  She’ll tell you about how she was raised, and whether or not she adheres to that, and how closely.  Without necessarily saying so, she’s giving you fair warning that if you’re not commitment material, you’d best end the date and go your merry way, or things will get ugly.  If you’re not husband material, you do not fit into her life.  You don’t even fit her profile.  If you are looking for a wife, then this is good news for you.  From there, you can relax and focus on love and compatibility issues.  This is your cue to make a spark.

8.  She is escorted, especially after dark.

Women with honor usually come from families of men with honor.  When they’re away from their family, they often attract male friends who function as brothers (not emotional tampons).  When she goes out at night, it’s because one or more of them invited her, or volunteered to hang out with her and female friends.

For this reason, to catch a non slut, it’s best to work on your day game, because you won’t find many of them out partying unescorted or in a party of fewer than three female friends.  If you do figure out a guy with her is a platonic friend, you should be ready to pass his scrutiny perhaps before hers.  If you are, then it’s cool, but if he doesn’t like you, you’re done.  With a non slut, the male relatives and close friends are the scale you’re being measured against.

9.  She has an air of innocence.

It’s hard to define what this is, but you know it when you encounter it.  She is a sensitive person who believes in love and romance.  Though she is careful, she doesn’t want to believe that you mean her any harm.  This makes her very vulnerable to lying, predatory types.  Although “rescuing” isn’t what some may view as a healthy way of describing the act of taking her off the market, the cold truth is that this is what you’re doing.  You’re snatching her up before she gets rolled under the combine that is dating life in the west.  If you look deep down, emotionally this is basically what you’ll feel too.  “Us against the world.”

If you don’t feel protective/territorial about a woman, I don’t care how hippy you are.  You should worry.  Even submissives feel that way towards their Dommes.  If someone harms their woman, it would tear out their heart.  It’s part of what I like to call “primal monkey panic”: a somewhat irrational feeling of panic that you could lose a woman and worse that who you lose her to might harm her.

10.  Last but not least, she LOVES kids, and kids LOVE her.

Babies smile at her because she reminds them of their mom.  Old granny type women call them beautiful in the grocery store because she reminds them of themselves when they were young.  If a kid is lost or needs some help, they ask her because something about her just says “mommy”.  Her gynecologist dreams of the day he will be the catcher of her special offspring.

…and if for some reason she should have to scold someone else’s kids, they don’t talk back to her.

We hope this list is useful at least in clarifying some things.  Just remember, there are exceptions, and life didn’t always go perfectly for everyone in this age of casual sex and divorce culture.  Some people are doing the best with what information they have, but at the same time character and honor still is what it is.

Be also mindful that hoes mimic the traits of nurturing women when they’re looking for a retirement plan.  If you’ve fallen in love with someone, and her flavor is on the courtesan side, you have a decision to make whether you want to break up, be the pimp, or be the client.  Whatever you decide, it’s just good to know what you’re getting into.

This list should also be useful to players/PUA’s who are looking for ethical ways to get their casual sex desires fulfilled.  If a girl has many of the above behaviors or patterns, you may unintentionally break her heart by getting into a casual encounter or relationship.  If she’s not built for slutting around, you could be adding momentum to whatever downward spiral she’s on.  Since there are plenty of fish in the sea for you, it’s best to throw that one back.  It’s too young.

This is the thing about loving, nurturing women as opposed to the brutal sort: no matter how old the woman is, love is forever young.  This is why we miss people who loved us and who we loved when they die even of old age or a lengthy illness.  They might have been old as dirt, but their love always felt brand new.

So basically, a non slut always keeps her newness because she always keeps her potential to love.  The loss of it is the loss of her life, so she lives her life in a way that preserves it.

A.J. Travis, an exasperated Roissy commenter has set his hand to spelling out a straightforward and updated set of “rules” for the modern woman who isn’t a hoe.  He’s doing pretty good so far, but could use some feedback.  It’s always helpful for us advice dispensers to get alternate points of view, so please click here to read the Rules post and share your thoughts.  Please be gentle though, because he’s a good guy trying to do a good thing for good girls, not a cad just looking for the next shag.

See this news report for more details.

For those who don’t know, H. Beatty Chadwick held his ground for 14 years, defying an order that would force him to put 2.5 million dollars into a court controlled account to pay his ex wife alimony.  Without a trial, he was simply imprisoned for contempt on the whim of a moralist judge and a greedy ex.

Before some of you scoff and call this a “poor little rich boy” story, be aware that what happens to men can happen to women.  You could work hard to become a multi millionaire, marry a younger man, get cancer, get dumped, and then have to pay the jerk millions of dollars or get thrown in jail indefinitely.

If you ever wondered why I say that civil marriage is a scam, and nobody should do it, refer to the Chadwick story.  He may have had more money at stake, but the same rules apply.

On the one hand, his ex wife is a greedy whore.  On the other, he was dumb enough to marry her.  One has to wonder how many great women who would have actually care for him, he passed by or stepped on to get to the Barbie of his nightmares.  In the long run he proved himself to be superhumanly tough in the face of exploitation, but where was all this determination when he chose to make paperwork with the phony, painted media prototype, rather than to put his needs above those of the herd?

If indeed his personal tastes and those of the masses just happened to coincide by chance or due to a preference for familiar features of his own heritage, he could have just cohabitated with her, or better, visited regularly.  If one doesn’t want to take the chance of a common law marriage, one can simply set up two separate residences under separate names.  Why did he not do this?

If your taste happens to overlap with the herd, you can’t be in denial of the implications.  This is a lesson for both men and women, rich and poor.  If you’re a woman who’s dating a man with money, you will for as long as the relationship lasts, be competing against other women of all types who will do just about anything to get into his pocket.  If you’re a man dating a woman with the Barbie look, you will always be competing against men of all types who want to get into her pants.  Regardless of a rich man’s initial desire to be faithful, he will be facing temptation to be a lecher for as long as he has money.  Regardless of a Barbie or whatever herd exalted type woman’s initial desire to be faithful, she will be facing temptation to be an active whore for as long as her “beauty” lasts, and as it fades her biological clock will push her into taking the money and running before she loses the leverage to succeed.

So follow the conservative policy “trust but verify”.  Love to the ends of the earth, and make whatever personal sacrifices it takes, but do not put your legal or financial testicles in anyone else’s hands.

To score with the beta male (average Joe), you must be recognized as a woman he would want to commit to and at least make a real attempt to be monogamous to, unless you are swingers or free love hippies.

The way there is deceptively simple.  It does however, require an objective assessment of both his and your social status and sexual market value or SMV.  If your target is out of your league, then he is better kept at the platonic level no matter how much he tries to get into your pants.  More attractive guys consider themselves “slumming” when they pursue less attractive women sexually. (more…)