Game for Girls

These days, those of us born after 1969, despite mostly having decent dads ourselves, have been programmed to panic when it comes to men.  The news is filled with horror stories about murderous ex husbands, molesters, rapists, and other bad guys.  To make things worse, the average guy has been stricken with such fear of his own capacity to violence that the protectiveness baby has been thrown out with the bathwater of overprotectiveness.  If one believed the hype then then definition of jerk would be male.

There are plenty of good guys out there though.  If there weren’t then humanity would have gone extinct.  Though there are female police, soldiers, firefighters and others doing the heavy work and weilding the violence necessary to maintain order on this planet, these are largely the domain of men.  Some man out there is the reason you don’t have to carry a gun to work unless you’re a cop or maybe convenience store cashier.

So here’s a list of features of a guy who is part of the solution.  You only need open your eyes.

How to Tell a Guy is NOT a Jerk

1.  He is well mannered and yet honest, regardless of how he’s dressed.

He could be covered in hot garbage, and will still thank the person who hands him a towel.  He’ll then listen for a your welcome to make sure the person he thanked heard his thanks.  He treats people with respect unless they earn his disrespect, and even in the throes of a bar fight, he doesn’t want to seriously maim anyone if he doesn’t have to.  He can fight dirty in self defense, but only if it’s self defense.

On the other hand, he is very well practiced in telling women no.  He’s heard his dad and maybe grandad do it many times, and knows how to say it effectively.

2.  Related to #1, he is respectful of and kind to old people, children, and other physically weak or disadvantaged.

Basically, he’s a protecter and defender of the weak.  He does not push people around just because he can.  He doesn’t pick on people for being what he views as ugly either.  What he says about the fat girl across the street is what he will think of you when you gain your menopause pounds.  A guy who can see the worth of an old woman, the beauty in a swollen handed pregnant lady, and the beautiful smile of the chubby lady behind the deli counter is a guy worth keeping.

3.  Generally, he dresses neatly and is well groomed.

Some good guys are not so great about taking care of themselves because they may be used to having someone else do that for them.  However, a good guy usually likes looking and smelling good.  He may have some edge, but those edges aren’t rough.  They’re crisp.

The only color of shoes for good guys is black.  White athletic shoes can be worn to and from the gym or specific hip hop events.  Brown shoes are hiking boots or so dark they’re almost black.

Good guys’ shirts cover their armpits and do not expose any of their stomach or back, even when bending over.

Good guys’ jeans are the same shade of blue or black all over unless they are real cowboys.

By the way, good guys who carry big things do not wear jeans.  It makes them look like they have a parasitic twin.

Good guys’ pants go all the way up to their waist.  No overhang of gut or invitation of butt.

Good guys do not have spikey hair, highlights, gold teeth, or wear sunglasses at night.  They also don’t wear a lot of bling because they’re not trying to catch a hoe.  Some may bling up their woman though, as a kind of territorial gesture.

4.  Good guys have excellent credit (because they’re honest).

They’re dependable and hard working, so even if they don’t have a high status job, credit companies love them.  Even if because they are Muslim or otherwise anti “Bablon”, they refuse to have credit cards, they will be getting offered them, and may have a couple of debit cards.

A good guy lives within or below his means except in three debt causing cases: student loan, car, and house payments.  If he does get into trouble in tough economic times, his credit with friends and family will tide him over when the bank won’t.  They know he’s either good for the money or he is worth the investment.

Given a choice though, a good guy would rather owe the bank.  He doesn’t like owing people money, and tries to avoid it.  Some even won’t take loans that require a co signer because they don’t want someone else to end up in a bind if they die or something else bad happens to them.

5.  Good guys are kind of suckers for love, but mind your manners young lady.

A good man will climb any mountain, and die for you if needed, even if he doesn’t love you for life.  He’ll do it because you’re a human being who needs him.  So if you push him too far, he will kick you to the curb because you mistook his kindness for having him wrapped around your finger.  If you’re a nurturing giver too, you’re fine though.  You can give your lives to and for each other.

6.  He goes to church (or temple or mosque or shrine or study group…).

There are exceptions, but most good men are at least somewhat religious.  They enjoy having a community around them because they’re community building kind of people.  Very independent thinkers who aren’t totally misanthropic can just be honorable without a spiritual community, but those are so few and far between, you may go your entire life without ever meeting one, much less one who’s available, within your age range, heterosexual, and compatible.

So it’s best not to bank on the exceptions.  A marriage/commitment minded guy has a God or at least an Anthropos figure (like Buddha) who embodies or is Love itself.  This is the scale by which he measures his own quality, so he shouldn’t have too much trouble with your Dad’s and other male relatives’ standards.

7.  A good man has duties and a mission.

He is doing something in life for someone other than himself.  Even if he is between jobs or isn’t technically working because he’s studying, he has a purpose in life, and is doing something about it.  He is no slacker.  He understands his role as a man, and exercises that role regardless of whether or not or how much he’s being paid for it at the time.

This mission will be there whether you stay or you go.  So respect it.

8.  A good man has good parents.

If the guy’s dad’s a cad, or his mom’s the dishonest sort of hoe there’s a good chance he will be too.  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in this.  Sidestory: as vengeance, I once successfully “eye-shagged” an ex boyfriend’s dad with him watching from another part of the pub because I knew it would teach him the correct lesson; that cads are as interchangeable as sluts.

Many men cheat, but some of them learn from the experience.  Some men actually leave good wives thinking they can do better though, only to find that hoes don’t make good housewives.  They don’t even make good girlfriends to guys who aren’t very rich.  So if a guy grew up with his dad disrespecting and under appreciating his mom, or worse if his mom is the hoe the guy married and then had a crappy life with, be careful.

If, on the other hand, the guy’s dad is faithful and there’s no divorce in sight, or they were together until death did them part, your potential has potential.  He knows what it takes to last, from first hand experience.  It’s no guarantee, but you can be sure his intentions are probably good.

9.  A good man wants you involved in his life.

He isn’t hiding you or hiding things from you.  He doesn’t really have anything to hide.

10.  Kids RESPECT a good man.

This isn’t quite the same as fear, but it’s closely related.  Kids are well behaved and cordial around this man.  They and younger men may call him Sir, and treat him like an authority figure, for better or worse.  He is the spoiler of fun, but he is the guy lost kids will go to when they can’t find someone in a uniform to help them.  People trust him because he oozes trustworthiness and strength.

His legs are alternatives for trees, even if he’s kinda short, for little kids playing tag nearby.  He smiles at babies and their parents.  They smile back.  He’s actually seen Shrek and wonders whether the donkey marrying the dragon was an inappropriate reference.  If he voted for Obama, it was because Palin’s smarmy cheerleader speeches reminded him of “popular” girls he hated in high school, but were trying to get into his pants anyway because of his boyscout rebel paradox game.

In his own childhood, he was not in a hurry to lose his innocence, but had a crush on an older girl the “popular” guys shunned for being too self assured.

He tells young girls and boys to mind their manners and respect their elders within reason.  He however, kicked the guy who got grabby with his younger sister’s butt, or got his butt kicked trying.  Kids view him as a protector and role model.

I hope this list is useful in helping women to spot the good guys.  Again, things don’t always go perfectly these days, and some bad guys mimic good guys.  Still, I think this is a pretty good rundown.

With this or the prior post, if you have anything to add to the list, feel free.  Blessings in your quest, from the G4G team!

A.J. Travis, an exasperated Roissy commenter has set his hand to spelling out a straightforward and updated set of “rules” for the modern woman who isn’t a hoe.  He’s doing pretty good so far, but could use some feedback.  It’s always helpful for us advice dispensers to get alternate points of view, so please click here to read the Rules post and share your thoughts.  Please be gentle though, because he’s a good guy trying to do a good thing for good girls, not a cad just looking for the next shag.

Well, except under special circumstances, such as their beloved wife asking them for it after performing three soap and water enemas and taking two loperamide, and even then vaginal is preferable.

When guys hear another guy obsessing over buttsecks, a little voice inside their heads is telling them that he’s Gay.  There’s nothing wrong with being Gay, but the dude is running a high risk if he should ever find himself incarcerated with people who know this about him.

Since most guys don’t go to jail for long periods, sending this message may not make them cell wives, but it will earn them some interesting nicknames behind their backs.  Since anal sex has become a staple of porn, most guys wouldn’t call a dude out for this in public.  Almost every one will experiment with it if he gets the opportunity.  It’s just that after doing it once or twice, a straight guy will not want to do that again unless he’s into poo.  Even some Gay guys prefer heroic man love over anal.

Why this rule is unspoken is due to a combination of middle class male peer pressure and feminist ideology.  To say that one hates anal sex, and thinks men who give or receive it past experimentation are Gay paints one as sexually inept and homophobic.   Men are afraid to be honest about their level of disgust for it.

For some, because of their hidden beliefs, there is shame after engaging in it at their partners’ request.  There’s also suspicion that the woman isn’t enjoying it, which is quite often the case.  She feels pressured to copy the porn queens to keep her man, and he feels pressured to copy the studs to keep up with her supposed needs and the other guys who all say that they’ve done it.  So at the end of the night, both have had sex like peer pressured puppets, and neither feels closer.  If they don’t speak honestly, they both feel pressured to repeat the activity, and slowly the guy starts feeling like even more of a “punk”.

So before you break out the KY jelly and prepare yourself to grin and bear it, ask your man how he feels about anal sex in a non pressure situation first.  If he gets a look on how face like he just tasted something bad, and you get the old girlfriend stories of poo, just let that go.

…and if one of his friends’ nicknames is Alfred Sh**cock, the two of you can have fun planning his coming out party.

As a non “hottie” type who is reasonably independent, you may have many male friends.  You may be used to being treated like “one of the guys”.  In a potentially romantic relationship though, the context is different.  Your boyfriend or potential is not your bro, and chances are that he’s not even in quite the same league as the guys you normally hang out with.  You are not trying to be like a sister to him, so it’s best to avoid any kind of plays for social dominance.

This is not to say that you should be a pushover.  It’s just that once you’re together, then socially you are like a team in which there is a male and a female member.  In a group of men, even if these guys have known you all your life, your man is your male representative.

Viewing things this way accomplishes two goals when incorporating your partner into your social sphere as your partner.  It allows him to establish his own place, and also allows him to prove his value to the other men.  Initially, it gives them the opportunity to get to know him without your interrupting the process or possibly obscuring any crucial flaws that they would need to know about in order to protect you.  In time, they see him as a part of you, and unless they are Gay, he may even serve as your replacement when womanly responsibilities prevent you from doing the guy stuff you used to.  Hey, it’s the least he can do since it would be his fault that you’re someone’s girlfriend or wife, and perhaps later, someone’s mom.

For those involved with alpha type or “alpha enough” (non executive/business owning, but in charge of their own lives) guys, there’s another reason for letting your man be the man socially.  There’s a world of men that many women think they know, but don’t.  If you’re a polite and ladylike woman, it doesn’t really matter how strong you are.  Your presence makes a social situation “polite company”, and there are certain things men don’t discuss in polite company.  Even if they have told you the dirty details of sexual encounters with scores of hoes and ex wives, and feel comfortable enough to ask you about a rash on their groin, one thing they will almost never discuss with you is specifics of money problems or certain aspects of business.  If they do in private, they don’t want anyone else to know that they have because it’s something that is fairly unique.  You may be a kind of ace in the hole or lucky charm in that regard, and not everybody should know that you can tell a guy is a snitch from his smell or something.

So in practice, when two men are talking, either be someplace else, or go to the happy place in your mind.  Unless they are actively including you in the conversation, tune it out.

It takes some practice to learn exactly when to do this, but if you know your friends and your man fairly well, it won’t take long to understand the cues.  Sometimes it’s a rub of the chin, or a shift in posture.  As an example, my current boyfriend has a “game face” when he’s about to talk about business or some kind of man thing.  That’s when I know to adjust napkins, bring more snacks, check for dust somewhere, or become enthralled with his ponytail.  I purposefully become part of the background until I’m invited back into the conversation or situation.

You can practice this skill with your male friends.  It will make them even more comfortable around you because it will reduce your already hopefully low attention whore quotient, and let them know that you respect their manhood despite the value equalizing aspect of friendship.  Respect builds trust.

When two men are talking, consider it a private conversation.

Browsing around my usual relationship site haunts, I’ve noticed something.  Women, and not even always young women, seem to be completely oblivious to the unspoken rules of dating.  Most of the rules and advice seem to be focussed on strategy for “getting your man”.  I too am guilty on some levels of being a bit results focussed, and not giving enough attention to the natural flow, even though natural is how I roll.

What seems to be the problem is the difference between the standard male and female way of thinking.  Women who want to date men should understand that no matter how sensitive and understanding a man is, he’s still a man.  His logic is a bit more cold, and even if he is very emotional and gives way to that more often than the average macho dude, his left brain is still screaming facts, history, and statistics at him whether or not he acts on it.

Much like people who eat pseudofoods who still manage to stay slim, women who don’t understand the logic of heterosexual relationships often fail to realize that any good that comes of attempting to trump nature is an exception.  One cannot, in fact, conquer nature, and this includes the basics of bonding and sexuality.  Women today have been sold a bill of goods that will ultimately leave them alone or settled for as lesser evils.

Men have fallen for the same scam, but they are still unable to live well against the truth.  So no matter what a guy says or does to tow the party line or because he hasn’t been exposed to nature comfortable ideas and doesn’t know how to articulate them, he is still a man.  Men, just as women, have needs that if they are not met, they will be unable to function well.

So on the one hand, freedom is a wonderful thing.  It’s good that today at least in the west, people have more than the traditional relationship styles to choose from.  People are more free to be freaky without as much inappropriate judgement.  However, with more rights comes more responsibility.  We are all still responsible for our own behavior, whether or not we accept this.  We will all pay for the consequences of our actions, and those we love may suffer or benefit from them as well.

So for practical purposes, some level of promiscuity may be customary and just “part of the game” these days, one still has to consider the consequences.  The unspoken rule that gets broken the most by women has to do with sex before a commitment has been explicitly established.

Sex without a commitment is casual sex.  Period.  If you do it, whether or not the guy is legitimately tolerant, you will be known to him and whoever else you share this information with as someone who is okay with casual sex.  Whether or not he is tolerant and just sees it as mutual fun, or judgemental and brands you a slut unfit for a long term relationship, the facts are the same.  You’ve risked your health, and allowed access to your reproductively related bonding organs (or bonding related reproductive organs, depending on your level of cynicism) to someone who has not expressed willingness to stick around and deal with whatever physical or emotional results may occur.

One of the things women often fail to grasp in this is that he has done the same.  He’s shared his body with someone who isn’t obviously willing to stick with him either.  He may not want a particular woman to bond with him beyond the encounter, but unless he is absolutely only interested in casual sex for the rest of his life, this is a compromise for him.

You have both basically risked your health for a bit of stimulation and an ego boost.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  It is however, less than the preferred situation, which is sex within a relationship that has some kind of future.

Whether you or he are monogamous or polyamorous, if what you want is sex as an expression of love, then sex as an expression of desperate neediness for any kind of attention that comes along is a cheap imitation.  A person with the option to have what they really want, does not settle for scraps.

So casual sex, whether or not it has any effect on your value to the other person, makes them believe that you believe that you are not worth committing to.  It is a roll of the dice whether or not they will agree, but don’t bank on anyone seeing you as better than you see yourself.

In some places and situations (such as your average university campus) casual sex is normal, and folks don’t consciously down each other for experimenting and enjoying their youth.  Commitments often develop from what were hookups.  This is the exception though, not the norm.  In my experience, and that of other nurturing type people whose shoulders were cried on alot, most casual sex encounters resulted in indifference, awkwardness, or heartbreak for both men and women who participated.

The best case scenario was usually indifference.  Each had fun and went their separate ways, or hooked up occasionally when they were bored.  I noticed though, that many people who would have suited each other quite well, had they not approached each other genitals first, never got past that.  It was as if the women had steeled themselves against having any kind of deeper relationship with a guy because they were overcompensating in reducing the connection to only sexual.  Men do it too, but not usually as rigidly as most of the women I’ve observed.

For women who are more practically independent, and not whore-like, it’s like there’s a friend zone, a sexual zone, and a romantic zone.  Since we’re talking smart, educated, self supporting women who don’t really need a man to support them financially, or are on their way towards that, they’re not looking for someone to be dependent on…at least not beyond the kids’ early years.  So they’re coping with the freedom and choice in the way that they perceive men to be coping, but they’re not men, so they don’t understand what is really going on, and how they’re messing up/messing around with nature.

A straight man is attracted to you or he’s not.  If he is, then just about the only thing you can do to mess that up is be grossly incompatible or terribly socially inconvenient.  Social inconvenience won’t necessarily make you less sexually attractive to him, just sort of off limits.  There are however, many romantic stories of guys crossing social and geographic boundaries for the woman they love…far too many instances of this for it to be solely the domain of the most independent thinkers.  Love makes fools and sheep of us all anyway.

Now, just because a guy wants to shag you doesn’t really mean he’s attracted to you.  Most guys get erections from waking up.  All it really takes to do the job in that department is for him to have a surplus of sperm, and the presence of vaginas.  This is another good reason to avoid casual sex, but not the point of this article.

If you’re actually seeing a guy, as in dating out in public for awhile, then he’s attracted to you and you’re socially convenient enough to be seen with.  This is the phase during which most non whorelike women break down and start having sex.  It’s difficult not to get carried away when you’re a person who enjoys bonding.

The problem with having sex at any point before a commitment has been discussed is that it brings issues into the relationship that he is not ready for, and dramatically changes the context.  He wants to have sex with you, and you want to have sex with him, and it’s 2009 already, but he’s still a man, and you’re still a woman.  The man needs to be the one directing the relationship…that is directing, not getting carried away with his passions.

Back in the day, the folks who were living too close to the edge of survival to be able to affort too much formality, understood that this passionate mutual wanting is a phase.  It’s a phase where even though the thing both of you may want the most at the moment is hot sweaty monkey sex, this is totally the worst time to start having it.  For people who want to be committed/married someday, this is a test of how well the two of you can control your passions in order to direct your family to a positive place.

Yes, I said the F word: family.  The couple is the basic unit of the family.

Until you are actually a couple, you’re just two people having sex.  As the natural director of a heterosexual relationship, the man is the one who decides if you’re going to become that.  Most men do alot of heavy thinking and some praying before they make the decision that this is what they want from a particular woman.  By throwing sex in there before he has had the chance to do that, you’ve basically taken the decision away from him.

Things may not end badly, but they usually do.  Most women don’t understand why, and think that the guy had bad intentions all along, or that “he’s not that into you”.  This is not how men think though.  If you think about it, throwing away women who actually love them would be stupid, and as stupid as many are, most guys are not that stupid.

The reason you get distance after you’ve jumped the gun and had sex before a commitment is that you have suddenly changed his perspective of you.  Up until then, you were either someone he was considering a long term relationship with, or someone whose pants he was trying to get into.  Either way, if he doesn’t get sex until he explicitly forms a commitment, nothing is lost.  He will either receive it as a yellow light to slow down, or as a rejection and move on, but he will understand that you are not interested in casual (read emotionally detached) sex.  It’s all good either way.  You come away from the making out with your dignity, and his respect.

If you go on and do it then you are telling him that the emotional aspect of sex is not that important to you.  You’re horny and want to get laid, and who cares about emotions?

This is a bad sign.  This is a bad sign even to a polyamorous Dom with a harem of four already.

Heck, this is a bad sign to a Lesbian.

It’s even a bad sign to a submissive gunning to be your fourth.

How bad it is depends mainly on their level of tolerance or desperation.  If they understand how messed up things are today, maybe they’ll cut you some slack and take it as a kind of an unspoken beginning to commitment.  They’ll let it slide because it takes two…and shortly thereafter, start doing some explicit negotiation.  Hey, people get wrapped up in the moment.

Still, though a guy’s fuzzy mushy side may be guiding his decisions, his left brain is telling him, “Dude, if she’s screwing you without a commitment, how many other dudes is she doing the same thing with?”  He needs facts, not guesses.  Until he gets them, he’s playing it safe.  He has a heart too.

The reason why many of the rules are unspoken is that the fact that men have hearts is unspoken.  In order to seem manly and in control, the overt expression of emotion and passion is something men keep under wraps.  They wear an invisible veil under which all manner of good and evil are writhing in a constant wrestling match.  Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there…and just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t make sense.

More to come on the unspoken rules…

21.  Anger is a major turn-off for men, almost more than any other emotion.

If a guy stops wanting to have sex with you, it might not be the worn out old saw madonna/whore complex.  He could be angry with you about something that he’s not talking about.

22. Men are hotter than women.

The produce approximately 12% more energy, and have a higher surface temperature. They also begin to sweat at lower temperatures than women. So forgive your partner’s sweating at night, and mangling of the covers. If it’s causing you too much loss of sleep, get separate twin covers so that each of you can cover or uncover for your individual comfort.

More information on men and heat issues.

23.  How well a man handles disagreement is a window into how well he can handle a crisis.

If he gets catty, vindictive and petty when someone disagrees with him, then he is also likely to freak out and be useless when there are bigger problems than someone not sharing his opinions.

24.  Men, regardless of their own personal shortcomings, value personality above looks.

Being pretty will make you more popular, but it will not make you worth more to men than a woman who is kind.  The internet is full of examples of men bragging about their “pump and dumps” of blonde, slim, and other flavors of hot chicks, but nobody brags about purposefully ripping the heart out of a woman who loved them more than her own life, and was faithful to them.  The few times it might be veiled bragging, the guy has to at least claim that she misinterpreted his motives, or stalked him after the breakup.

Being pretty, aside of being a temporary condition for those of us who survive past the age of 50 when we become “handsome” if we’re fortunate and took care of ourselves, only makes you more attractive.  Your real quality is rated not by how many guys you attract, but what kind of guys you allow to get next to you.

25.  A woman’s value to a man depends more on the man’s state of mind than the woman’s quality.

If a man is a cad, then you are worthless to him as anything but a hole or perhaps a provider of attention, no matter how pretty and/or great a person you are.  You can be Miss Whatever-state and shovel poo in an animal shelter in your free time, and it won’t make a player or even a guy who’s not ready for a relationship value you more.

26.  Men resent being approached or pursued by women they consider unattractive.

In Manian, unattractive just means ugly.  Not all guys are as petty about it, but the vast majority resent unattractive women even more than we resent being approached by losers, whatever that means to the individual.  Men are mostly unable to be grateful for a woman’s attention if she is ugly to him unless he is specifically looking for someone he considers defective, in order to exploit her perceived vulnerability.  When he is done using her, he will treat her with the contempt he was bottling up the whole time.

This is one reason why it is vitally important for a woman to allow the man to approach and to take the lead in courtship.  A guy who is interested in getting close to you will not mind the effort involved with taking the lead.  If a guy thinks you’re ugly, he will complain about your standards of behavior being too high, and tell you basically that you shouldn’t expect a guy to go out of his way for (worthless ugly) you.

Also, don’t allow an aggressive initial pursuit to lead you into a “benefit of the doubt” situation.  A guy who cares for you and values you will not leave things to chance or fate, and will be busy building trust with you so long as you are building trust with him.  When you have to wonder if he cares is the day you know he doesn’t.

So be old fashioned.  Don’t ever make the first move or the third.  Make the second, fourth, etc.  Even numbers until enough trust has been built.

…and in platonic social interactions, men still resent “ugly” women they have no chance with.  In fact, they resent you more if they have no chance because most of them believe that the default position women should be is submissive, regardless of her education, social status, or standards.  “Ugly” women not wanting them, or being more socially or professionally dominant, or in any other superior position, makes them feel smaller.  In their minds, we should behave as if we believe as they do in our inherently inferior value.

Not behaving as if you feel that you are inferior, even if you accept that you’re not their cup of tea, drives them up a wall.  They will attack you consistently based on your (irrelevant) looks, even when that is totally not the issue.

In some social situations, you can’t do anything about guys who are overly catty in this way, but in professional situations, you should feel no ethical qualms about taking this sort out before they start to be bad for business.  If someone on your team is hostile to customers, clients, or superiors just because he doesn’t consider them shaggable or sufficiently agreeable to being treated like crap, then fire him.  It will only get worse as he gets more established.

It’s natural for a guy to feel resentment about being pursued by women they consider inferior.  It’s part of the entitlement complex, and it’s not your job to be their therapist, just to keep the peace and get the job done.  The problems arise with those who are openly hostile about it.  Guys who can’t control their resentment enough not to freak out or be obviously catty are as much good to you as a bimbo who thinks the world should revolve around her stitched on aereoli.

Here are 10 more useful facts about men.

11.  Men need to eat different things than women to feel okay.

Men need to eat more protein and fewer carbohydrates than women.  Women need a bit of extra fat to feed our babies and maintain our estrogen levels, but men don’t.  Being overly fat is more harmful to men’s health than it is to women’s because we’re built for it and store it in pockets under our skin, not usually around our organs.  So along with watching your own weight, watch your man’s.  Exercise and a proper diet is easier to maintain as a couple anyway.
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Seems like all the relationship experts are publishing their version of “100 facts about men”.  Much of what they’re saying though, isn’t extremely useful in the field.  Some of it’s actually based on stereotypes that sometimes even men believe about themselves.  So the Team G4G has decided to post our own version.  We’re not sure if we’ll end up with a full 100, but we’re going to give it a shot.  Here are the first 10.
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A guy tells it like it is…for him anyway. It’s an interesting watch. This is the first of a series, so watch them all.

In what I believe is the best instruction manual for social interaction ever, Games People Play , Dr. Eric Berne describes three levels of Rapo, and the Frigid Woman games.

Rapo is basically a social game in which someone lures another to pursue
them sexually, takes some pleasure (ego boost) from it, and then dismisses
their target.  Level 1 ends with the target/sucker being politely dismissed after they commit to pursuit (You’re nice but…).  Level 2 ends with the sucker being dismissed by shaming (Buzz off buster!).  Level 3 ends very messy and violently with the sucker being lured into physical contact, then being accused of a criminal assault (Rape!).

The Frigid Woman game is basically the marital or committed relationship
version of Rapo.  The sucker is lured and then shamed to feed the player’s ego.

These games are normally viewed as the domain of women, so men are usually raised with awareness of the possibility of being accused of sexual harassment or rape.  Women though, are often caught unawares when a man plays a similar game.  Where sex is the lure with the female Rapo player, love is the lure with the male player.  The games begin with the player successfully seducing his target into thinking of him as a romantic prospect. (more…)