What Does It Mean When Your “F***buddy” Wants to Cuddle? – Mamasan Does Quora

Dani and Levani It means they’re either not from the U.S. or they’re sending mixed signals. The “fuckbuddy” thing is something cooked up by uncultured (or decultured actually) people in the States who constantly posture to see how well they can mimic sociopathic behavior without actually being sociopaths. They view being devoid of emotion and extremely selfish and individualistic as a good or protective thing.

So hypocritically, they will seek the stimulation, ego gratification, or social validation of sex with other people, but don’t want the “strings” attached of even treating that person like someone whose time and attention one appreciates or values. The “fuckbuddy” is basically someone who someone is willing to have sex with, but is viewed as underqualified to be known as one’s official partner.

In order to maintain that situation, both parties must simultaneously turn off every impulse to say to themselves, “Why bother?” and treat the other person with a sort of “professional distance”. It must also presume that even if there is a classically masculine and feminine or top and bottom encounter happening, both people are taking the same risks and investing the same effort in it.

People in the U.S. try these FWB and FB trends, and of course they don’t work out well because either someone catches feelings or because someone rightfully becomes logical and says to themselves, “Why not just masturbate? I actually love myself. Why risk pregnancy/std/humiliation/drama with someone who doesn’t love me?” Whatever they got out of it isn’t worth the investment without emotional content, so the trend dies…but it needs to do its rounds through the late bloomers and through other countries where people are trying to be like people from the States in all the wrong ways.

So the words people are using to define certain kinds of arrangements or relationships end up not actually fitting the situation. It is impossible for someone to really pull off being fuckbuddies unless they are either actually buddies, meaning they truly like each other as human beings, and may even love each other, but their situation does not allow for a conventional relationship. If the two people aren’t or don’t develop a friendship along the way, it becomes boring for most people because sex with another person who is not in tune with you, physically, will not feel as good as masturbation. The only payoff would be social, and people having non conventional relationships are probably not extremely socially dependent to begin with. So it becomes pointless.

If someone who has defined themselves as a fuckbuddy to you or that is the understanding, but then wants to cuddle and do loving, bonding behaviors, and you are not comfortable with this, the relationship needs to be renegotiated. Whether you’re uncomfortable because you don’t really want to cuddle with them, or if it is because you want to cuddle with them, and don’t want the label for the relationship to be based on some crazy trend that has already become lame where it was invented, it is still a matter of consent. You should not feel pressured into a situation that you did not sign up for, and communication is key, especially if your partner is male or identifies as male or masculine.

Part of ending sexism in the crucial moments where it counts is being understanding of masculinity and masculine people. The biological norm for them is that they need touch…A LOT of touch. The whole male bonding to the point of bro jobs thing is real. They might not say it, but touch is on the level of food for them. So when they get the opportunity to touch someone or be touched, it is very healthy and natural for them to get all up into it. I think there’s something primal about being a penetrator, that there is this urge to be physically submerged in another being’s flesh.

It’s okay for them to need more from you than the label allows for (which is why some people hate labels). It’s okay for you to be able or unable to contain or fulfill those needs. Whatever is going on though, y’all need to talk about it before someone is feeling rejected or hurt.

Read Nicole Tanit Nefertaueret Lasher‘s answer to What does it mean when your fuckbuddy cuddles you and kisses you? on Quora

About Mamasan

I'm a multifaith spiritual counselor with lots of experience assisting people with improving their relationships. Feel free to comment on the site or contact me if you have an issue you'd rather discuss privately.

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